GodlyDating101, Thoughtful Tuesday

Recreational Dating

I have no idea where this trend started, but I hope it ends soon. There’s a new thing going around and I think it’s called “recreational dating”. It serves no purpose, but it kills time. Let’s address it….

Here are five types of recreational daters:
1. The bored man/woman. 
They have absolutely no idea who or what they are after. Therefore causing them to be unstable in their choices and relationships. They will talk to anyone that makes them feel good at the moment, even if they have not known them very long. Then in a few days, weeks, or maybe even a year they will get bored and try to find someone else to entertain them. They surely aren’t seeking commitment, just some quick entertainment. Why would you go to a shopping mall and not plan to buy anything. You will either take something that isn’t yours or leave sad. If you see no future, don’t try to start anything. 

2. The envious man/woman. 
They have no idea what it takes to be in a relationship, how to be a good spouse, or how to make someone happy. They are simply in a relationship because everyone else is doing it. They aren’t seeking Jesus, they are seeking attention (either from social networks or ” arm candy” for public). They cannot stand the idea that they can be happy when single, they are probably afraid of themselves. Some people are in relationships that God didn’t put them in, don’t rush into anything. You may get out of God’s will trying to fit into the world. 

3. Friends with Benefits
Sad to say, but this has even creeped into relationships in church. People are not seeking marriage, but they are seeking sex or someone to perform spouse duties. No man or woman that you aren’t married to should be serving you or sexually fulfilling any of your carnal desires. It’s nothing wrong with being kind to a friend or person of interest, but these people are the ones who don’t want to commit, they just want to reap without sowing anything. Stop wasting your time playing house with that lazy boy and let God make a man out of him. Guys, stop being played by that girl who’s using you for what you have and can give her. Be careful of relationships that drain you and you receive nothing in return. Stay away from anyone that wants you to be a spouse, but aren’t willing to commit. True love leads to Jesus, not sin

4. The Missionary daters:
These are the people that claim to be Christians, but date people that aren’t saved. Who you date or marry tells a lot about yourself. Absolutely no one wholeheartedly following Jesus is going to seek someone that is atheist or living a lukewarm life. You have to keep in mind, the world is a sea of lost people, not a place of potential mates. Our main goal should be to tell them about Jesus, not to use Jesus as a way to reach people we are attracted to. Imagine asking them to pray for you or come to church and they don’t know how to pray or they rather go out and party. That’s simply pointless that you try to connect to someone going to a different eternal destination as you. Amos 3:3 proposes this question, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Maybe people in relationships with unbelievers don’t really believe in the God they profess to love. 

5. Unrealistic singles 
I say this is the person who is single because they expect their life to be like The Notebook, The Vow, or maybe Cinderella. These people ignore many that like them, to pursue someone that couldn’t care less if they existed. This man will see many beautiful women with hearts after Jesus but will ignore them to pursue the “curvy” girl that lives lukewarm. This lady will ignore the many gentlemen that love Jesus and would treat her right for a guy that is a player and chases skirts instead of Jesus. I don’t know if these people ever get married, I believe they misunderstand what love is. Love is built and can withstand all, lust is a temporary emotion that usually only comes from looks. Stop trying to find Mr./Ms. Perfect, relationships work when two imperfect people depend on a perfect God to keep them together. 

You may not be one of these, and that’s great. However, don’t allow yourself to fall into one of these categories because of a immature mindset. Never feel that you have to do anything that displeases God to get into a relationship, don’t think you have to pretend to be someone to get married and please never feel you can’t be happy when you’re in a season of singleness. Let your life be consumed with Christ, not pointless relationships that are not heading towards marriage.

– Tovares Grey


11 thoughts on “Recreational Dating”

  1. Honestly I was between the Bored Woman and Unrealistic Single; I had guys approaching me that I had no intention of ever committing to nor did I see myself in a relationship with them, but because they were attractive and gave me some attention I played along. I knew the whole time that eventually I was going to leave them in the dust, but it didn’t matter because at least something “exciting” was going on in my life. Then other times I found myself pursuing men or being interested in men that had no clue who Jesus was, wasn’t thinking about Jesus and sure didn’t want any part of Him…but he was fine.

    Now I just stay out of that all together. I’m allowing God to work on me and get me where I need to be so that when I meet the man He has for me, I’ll be ready to receive him.

  2. It’s so refreshing to see someone who is standing up and defending what dating is really for. I used to be the envious one. Someone who wanted a guy because all my girlfriends had guys. Funny thing is, I never did get a guy haha.
    But I can honestly say that God is able to do powerful things through us if we allow Him to direct us in our singleness. When we put His desires for us first and foremost in our lives, He will fulfill the desires in our hearts. Thank you for sharing your heart with us once again. God bless you, brother.

  3. I’m blessed by reading that I was in the being married to sum1 who is not saved doesn’t know Jesus I didn’t understand marriage i still don’t but from that I’m happy jus being single for now no pressure I think it’s better to be single and know yr rht with God than to be married out of God’s will and without rht standing wit him

  4. Beautiful piece. Reading this just shows me how much I’ve grown and how far I’ve come…from unrealistic single to missionary dater to bored woman and even the very infamous FWB at the lowest of lows…but back up again all by the saving grace of God.
    God bless you Tovares Grey for calling us out…just wish I’d read this when you first published it and MAYBE, some off us would’ve saved our strength expended trying to get them in line to do great exploits for Christ.
    All things happen with His permission and work out for our good anyways so we gon’ be alright 🙂

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