“Should I be patient? We have our differences, but sometimes they can be so hurtful and I don’t know what I should do.”
“I know they don’t love God, but I feel as though I can lead them to Christ.”
“We only had sex once, he’s only touched my breast/butt while kissing, or she knows how to make me feel good. I still love God, so do you have any advice on how to start living pure again? I don’t want to leave him/her, I really care about them.”
These are all questions and similar stories I come across daily and I know God is directing me in addressing this through a blog so you won’t feel alone and we all can grow from this. After all, most of us have been in these situations, where we were either in love with, or attracted to our distraction. Here are some things to take into consideration when we find out our relationship isn’t heading towards God or we ever think about dating someone who isn’t going to help us spiritually.
1. Love doesn’t lead to sin, lust does.
So many ask “well, what are these warning signs I should be looking for”, if you are a Christian you will know when God isn’t pleased. The Holy Ghost inside of us should convict us of our actions, which is why the bible says to not allow our actions to grieve the Holy Spirit within us (Ephesians 4:30).
We all sin because of our human nature, but a lifestyle of sin is what God wants you to avoid. If you see that this person is consistently causing lust, anger, frustration and confusion, they are not from God. Don’t get me wrong, they may be a well known preacher… But if they’re not pushing you closer to God, they are a distraction. Don’t be fooled by a title when the fruit is rotten.
2. God will not send you someone that is in a relationship/married!
Some of you may have laughed or thought to yourself just now “well duh, who thinks that?” You’d be surprised how many married people are cheating because they are “bored” or they’ve allowed a distraction from outside to subtly creep in and destroy their marriage. Once in the bible David met a beautiful woman by the name of Abigail, but she was married to a fool (no seriously, the bible called him foolish. See 1 Samuel 25). I wouldn’t say David was “plotting” on her all along and waiting to make a move, but it was obvious he saw her as a good choice for a spouse. The bible says that the Lord killed Nabal and David ended up marrying Abigail. NOW LISTEN, this statement isn’t to justify stealing spouses or praying for someone to die because of your lust. I’m simply sharing with you that if God wanted you with someone, He would make it happen. But to disrespect someones marriage is not only rude, but disrespectful to the God that united them.
Never be a back-up plan. So many are in relationships and are having sideline friends that they flirt/run to when their relationship is not going well. Don’t listen to the “I’m going to break-up with him/her for you”. If they leave someone for you, they will leave you for someone else that they think is better.
3. They’re not saved but….
I wonder if we ever think about the bigger picture rather than our feelings. If someone isn’t following Jesus, they are going to hell. No sugar coating. You need to understand that if you two are going in opposite directions, there is no way for you to grow (Read Amos 3:3). You cannot walk with someone you don’t agree with. So the question isn’t how will you bring them to God, its are you following God? If you had faith in Him you would know to trust His timing. Picking up some unsaved person because you’re lonely shows that you listen to emotions more than God.
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers:for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness (2 Corinthians 6:14).
This verse was a command, not a suggestion. Many obey the verses that pacify our flesh or make our ego get bigger but ignore the ones that create friction with our lifestyle. You cannot serve God and date someone serving the devil. They may not be bowing to satan, but by default we are born in sin and in need of salvation, and hell will be where we go if we don’t accept God’s biblical plan of salvation (not the man made stuff).
You can’t change anyone, only God can. Focus on praying for them to be saved, rather than trying to date them to God. And don’t compromise to keep them, they won’t see the need for Christ if your actions reject him.
4. Serve God, not your memories.
So many stay in expired situations because of great history. Not everyone in your past deserves to be in your future. When God says let go, let go. You’ll understand later. Abraham was told to kill what God promised Him. Abraham would’ve done it, but God stopped him, many of us won’t even unfollow them on social media because we want to know if who they’re dating looks better than us. Many are being destroyed by themselves. Maybe they hurt you before, but you’re hurting yourself now by keeping your mind occupied on it even after they’ve left. You miss them, but you do not need them. You may feel empty, but you need God, not the person who led you into sin and hurt.
I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:14).
5. You sometimes have to love them from a distance.
No one likes to let go of what they like. You have to realize something though, God wouldn’t remove something from our life if it wasn’t deadly, useless, or He had something better to give. I know who I want in my life, but ultimately He knows who I need in my life.
There are some people in some of our lives that can take us out of God’s will with a text! That isn’t even a joke. You’d be surprised some of the texts and PICTURES you get when you’re trying to live a life of purity. You get a lot of negativity when God gives you a vision, even from those closest to you/family. Some people you just have to cut some ties with. Don’t be rude now, end it on good terms. But some numbers and people we follow need to be taken out of our life or they will always lead us back into a spiritual and emotional prison.
Don’t spend another day dating your distraction. Pray for them. And if you are the distraction, go and let God work on your heart. We sometimes point fingers and fail to accept our part in the dilemma. But my question to you today is, are you dating your distraction?