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Idolizing Marriage

I hope the title alone didn’t scare away many readers because they feel as though I’ll condemn their marriage obsession. Marriage is good, God himself decided that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, but what happens when God’s people desire marriage as the ultimate goal of life? Let’s dig into identifying whether or not if we have an obsession with marriage, is that desire good or bad and let’s see what God’s word has to say about it.
What does it mean to “Idolize marriage”?
To idolize something is horrible, and not just because it is a sin, but when you idolize something you place that thing/person before God. Having an idol can make a “good” thing a “God” thing. We never really know it because it’s not like we literally bow down to these idols (I hope not), but we give them more of our heart, time and care than everything else. When entertainment, a relationship, sports, etc gets more time than God, there goes your idol. Of course things like our families, work and school will all require extra time and care, but we must never allow ourselves to put all of our time and trust in them rather than in God.
But I digress, what does it mean to idolize marriage?
  1. When you idolize marriage, you want to be married more than you want God. 
    1. Now many of us will say, “of course I want God more”, but the truth is shown in our thoughts. Many of us say we desire God more, but we spend more time talking to everyone except Him. Now of course faith without works is dead and you will have to at some point get up from prayer and actually hold a conversation with someone, but how can God lead you if you are spending no time with Him?
    2. Some of us spend too much time listening to how we feel rather than listening to God. Listening to feelings and memories will block God’s voice in our lives. Our hearts will deceive us (Jeremiah 17:9) and lead us to the wrong people, but we will never go astray when we study God’s word and make prayer a habit rather than a morning/bedtime routine.
  2. When you idolize marriage, you live your life as though happiness begins at “I do”.
    1. And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power: (Colossians 2:10)
    2. In case you forgot or never read it in the bible, a man or woman cannot complete you, only God can. Many times we seek in people what can only be found in God. Someone else is supposed to come along and add to your life, not complete you. Marriage is not a destination for us believers, it is just another part of a beautiful journey that we should already be enjoying because God is with us.
    3. When God said that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, Adam was not sitting down bored when God decided to make a woman. Adam was already working and ruling the way that God wanted him to and then God saw the need to give him help. If you are sitting down doing nothing and claiming to be waiting on God, don’t expect Him to reward laziness. God wants you active in church, your community and doing more than seeking marriage with your life.

So what’s your point? God wants us to get married!

Yes, God does want you to get married, but does he want you to worship the idea of marriage or does He want you to live for Him because only He can satisfy?

Why is desiring marriage a good thing?

  1. It is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18).
  2. Two are better than one (Ecclesiastes 4:9).
  3. It is normal to have sexual urges and Paul says it’s better to marry than to burn with lust (1 Corinthians 7:9).
  4. This world is corrupt and there are many broken homes, God’s plan is for man to be fruitful and we need more believers to show what a home should look like.
  5. Everyone does not have the gift of singleness, and God knows that most of us at some point will desire someone. Marriage is the healthy way in pursuing a relationship, not recreational dating.  

How is desiring marriage a possible bad thing?

  1. We seek love and acceptance from people, and if they reject us we feel as though God has forgotten us.
  2. It is easy to desire marriage just because someone else is married or we want to “feel appreciated”, and God does not answer prayers that have selfish motives (James 4:1-3).
  3. Many women, maybe some men, pursue that fancy wedding and perfect honeymoon and eventually settle on the first person they can take to the altar, but they knew nothing about the person they have to spend an entire life with.
  4. If sex is your motive behind getting married, that isn’t a strong enough foundation for it to last. “Good sex” cannot sustain a relationship, and God cannot bless a union that he isn’t a part of.
  5. Many have yet to become intimate with God nor discovered themselves, so now their worth is based in a person that can change rather than an unchanging God who’s love is unconditional for us.

In my opinion, this is just my opinion, if you have the desire to be with someone, God doesn’t want you single forever. The only thing we must realize is that, this healthy desire can lead to a fatal end if we don’t allow God to lead us rather than emotions. Stop aiming to be like that dream couple you see on social media – you do not know their life outside of pictures. Chasing that Tumblr/Pinterest wedding will land you in a nightmare home if Christ isn’t your compass. I don’t think the church needs to be focused more on who we will marry over who we are already engaged to, Jesus Christ. One day, we will get to see our blessed savior in the sky and He will not say to us, “hey, that’s so awesome that you got married! Your life was perfect”, no, because he satisfies more than anyone or thing can on this earth. When we pass, our spouse will not come with us. So yes, enjoy your life while God loans you breath, but never allow your pursuit of marriage to be more important than your pursuit of God. If we chase a person, we can lose sight of God. But if we pursue God, He will lead us to the right person at the right time.

Grace and peace,

Tovares Grey


21 thoughts on “Idolizing Marriage”

  1. Great reminder!
    Sometimes, we allow our desires to be louder than the voice of God. Yes, marriage may be His will for a person’s life. But, when that person desires marriage more than Him, it becomes unhealthy. Great post!

  2. Hi anointed one

    Enough said! God continue to bless you as you are the voice of reason in many of our preconceived ideas of not only our preception of our ideals but also the word.

  3. Well said! The word is a lamp unto my feet and a light to my path. Confirmation on many levels i
    n my walk being single! Keep being inspired by God.

    1. Gift as in the ability to be solely dedicated to God. The bible had eunuchs who didn’t marry, for example. And it doesn’t mention Paul being married, he used his life completely for ministry after God saved him. So they would be considered the gift/ability to be single without desiring marriage.

    2. Singleness is a gift because you get to focus on God..secondly you are able to focus on yourself.Thirdly,you are able to know what fits in your life e.g what kind of person do you want to be with..

  4. Thanks for encouraging us all I’ve learnt that it’s never a waste of time to wait on God’s timing, we make less mistakes when we do too and we should consult God first in proper decisions making….

  5. Hey! I loved this article but wanted to get some perspective – I met a guy in June and we hit it off instantly. After about 6 months, he ended it suddenly telling me I was lost and sent me the verse about being unequally yoked. I was upset and we still had feelings for eachother and continued to talk to eachother everyday. I had been a religious person for quite some time..meaning blind to the kingdom of God. What he said was offensive at first but I continued attending his church and we kept in contact and saw eachother at church and fellowship events and spent time discussing the gospel where he always pointed me to Christ. In September, I was saved, I received the great gift of faith and the peace that came upon me was unlike any other! Over the course of the previous months, we had discussed why we couldn’t be together and that if the Lord so chose to reveal the gospel to me that we could be together as that was the only issue round 1. Once I was saved, we began dating again. He was my best friend and it was so exciting to call him my boyfriend and share life with a fellow believer. After many long talks, games of bowling and nights of fishing we had grown very close. Three weeks later, he proposed – I had no idea it was coming so he had not yet met my family..but seemed like a no brainer..marry a sibling in Christ and my best friend. When I told my parents, they exploded. They are unbelievers and also religious people and they just couldn’t understand. Not only did they hate the gospel but they didn’t like him since he had broken up with me once. As you can imagine, this blew way up and my relationship with my family has been greatly damaged. The engagement has been very stressful because of this but my parents have agreed to attend the wedding if we wait a year. I continue to pray as I wish that Gods will be done…I just want to ensure I’m not chasing after marriage above Christ..if anything, he brings me closer to Christ which is great but hard to draw the line or determine if I’m letting my parents displeasure ruin what should and is a good relationship! Help!

    1. It sounds rushed, but only God knows. I don’t blame your parents. The bible says plans prosper with many advisors but fail with little (proverbs 14:11). So a year is wise for your parents to say, but I think you need to keep seeking God. Because that guy dropped you for not being saved, but he shouldn’t have been with a nonbeliever. So ask God for direction before its all emotions involved and not His will.

      1. Thank you – and I know he should not have been with me in the first place and he also told me that after the fact. He at first shared the gospel with me and he said he was not entirely sure where I stood so out of ignorance continued to see me until one night (should be 6 weeks not 6 months) after first meeting he finally couldn’t handle the disobedience he had towards God by being with me so we just decided to be friends and leave it at that. I think the engagement was also quick and am glad my parents suggested waiting a year but with my parents feeling as though we have denounced their religion (Methodist) as false, they believe I am in a cult because how could most of Christianitybhe deceived.

        Also that verse is a blessing into me. I thank you for your advice and will continue to pray and seek God’s will.

        Thank you!

  6. This was so me a couple of months ago. I would stress and worry often about if i would find the right husband who would seek Christ and also stay faithful to me. I no longer do this. I’m just focusing on seeking Christ more and my attitude now is, if he comes he comes if not then oh well that’s more time i get to focus on God. ❤

  7. Reading this and dealing with the root has helped me so much right now. I’ve been struggling so much and this is just the wake up call I needed.

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