3 Tips to Getting Over an Ex

One of the most common questions/concerns I get in my inbox are typically along these lines: “I was dating someone for a few years and we just broke up…”, “How do I get over my ex?”, and the very frequent “I didn’t mind him/her saying let’s take a break to focus on God, but two weeks later they’re seeing someone else.” 
 

Getting over an ex is not easy, because there is no “on/off” switch to love or how we feel. However, there are a few tips to actually recovering from that breakup.  
 

Spend time with God. 

It will never make sense to me when someone says they can’t get over an ex, but they aren’t spending time with God. If you are spending all of your time reminiscing over pictures and going down memory lane, your heart will always be in that state of brokenness. In the presence of God, there is fulness of joy (Psalms 16:11), there is liberty (2 Corinthians 3:17), and there is peace (Isaiah 26:3). Of course the list goes on, there is so much we find by seeking God. 

Being in God’s presence places our lives into perspective. In Isaiah 6, the Bible shows us that the prophet Isaiah saw God in the year of the king’s death. Isaiah was a man of God, but in God’s presence realized just how unclean and lost he was without God. However, the part that gets to me is that he didn’t really see that much of God until someone died. Meaning, if the king was still alive, maybe he would’ve never noticed how big God really is. It wasn’t until king Uzziah was removed that Isaiah could have this experience. 

Sometimes God has to remove a person out of our lives for us to see Him for who He is. Sometimes we never notice that Jesus is the most important thing to happen to us until He is all we have left. Relationships easily becomes idols in our lives when we don’t keep things into proper perspective. 

Your worth is not in someone or something you can lose, your value is in Jesus Christ. Your identity is not in your ex, spouse, degree, etc., it is only found in Jesus. Until you learn to find purpose in Jesus, you’ll continue seeking it from others.  

“In the year that king Uzziah died I saw also the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and his train filled the temple.” (‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭6:1‬)

 

Stop seeking closure/an apology. 

One of the worse things we can do is to only trust God when things go our way. Meaning, it is very easy to love God when He gives the desires of your heart, but will we still obey if He removes that person? To love is to be vulnerable. We trust someone and that gives them the power to hurt us. Is it God’s plan for us to be hurt? No. Is it God’s plan for you to get cheated on or abused? No, and it never will be. However, God allows things to work together for our good; it’s just a matter of will you trust Him?  

Does God restore broken relationships? YES! 

I’m currently engaged to be married, all glory to God because she’s pretty amazing, and I tried to pursue her once before around 2011. It didn’t work out. Thankfully, it didn’t end on bad terms. The timing was just off, so it didn’t happen. I’m glad it didn’t though because I was clueless on how to be in a serious relationship (it’s not even easy now), all of this is a learning experience that Jesus has to help us through. So God protected her from my immaturity, selfishness, etc. and allowed us both to just focus on His plan. She finished school and I ended up joining the military and finishing school here now. I wouldn’t say God didn’t open that door so we could get degrees first, but He didn’t let us get what we desired because His plans were better than ours. So I understand that God can mend broken relationships, just stay focused on Him and let Him do the mending, not your emotions. We should be sure God is the one who led us back to an ex, not loneliness. 

Does God restore all broken relationships? NO! 

Many people ask me daily, will God send back my ex (this is after mentioning a relationship that doesn’t appear to have had God as the focus), and all I can do is simply think is, “why do you even want them back?” Of course I wouldn’t say that, because we all sometimes are addicted to what’s destroying us. My point is, most times relationships end because they weren’t ever in God’s plan to begin with. If you tell me that they are only after sex, in my opinion, God didn’t send them. If they only want they can get from you, they don’t love you. If they’re willing to drop you whenever they’re bored or there is an argument, that was NEVER love to begin with. 

Sometimes you have to learn that some relationships are temporary and you only hurt yourself when you refuse to let go. We will outgrow some people that come into our lives, and that is okay. Some people only pretended to love God to get your attention, but you can’t become lukewarm to keep them. If you have to sin to get them, you’ll have to continue compromising to keep them. 

Why do we as humans hurt others? Not because we are cruel, but because of sin. So we have to show grace to those who hurt us, but we also have to realize when God is the one who delivered us from a relationship.  
 

“There are many devices in a man’s heart; nevertheless the counsel of the Lord, that shall stand.” (Proverbs‬ ‭19:21‬)

Stop checking on their every move.

I’m not saying you have to delete numbers and unfollow someone if you two stop dating, but you have to give yourself space to heal. Trying to figure out why they chose someone else will hurt you. Checking their page to see if they’re miserable shows you’re not healed. If they’re happy, you’ll only feel jealousy or anger. Unplug from social media, stop reminiscing daily and then just sit in God’s presence. They’re doing just fine, pray for them and move forward. 

Can you imagine how much we work against God when we pray, “God please give me the strength to get through this breakup”, then turn around and check your ex’s page (or their families so you can be more “discrete”)? We are basically slowing down what God wants to do. It is not God’s will for you to be bitter. 

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” (‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭26:3‬)

If you took none of my advice, please hear this part: God will not remove anything from your life if He wasn’t protecting you, or giving you better. Trust God’s plan. Sometimes we orchestrate our own life and then bring it to God as if He should cosign to our emotional/spiritual downfall. God knows best, just learn to trust and obey. 

Grace and peace,

Tovares Grey

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I absolutely love Jesus, and I am unashamed to say that. I'm just a young man with big dreams, but my main purpose in life is to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

100 thoughts on “3 Tips to Getting Over an Ex

  1. 10 days after breaking up with my ex boyfriend, the Lord reminded me of the story of David and Eliab. Looking at my ex, he seems perfect but I was reminded that men looks at the physical appearance but God looks at the heart. I am still young (just turned 23) and I am growing in the Lord. I am excited to meet my David in the future, a man after God’s own heart. I really cried out to God after the break up and I felt so comforted. Our God is really the Greatest Comforter and if you seek Him, He’ll reveal His great plans for your life. Wait for someone who will pursue Christ with you. ❤

  2. Thank you so much. My situation is a little confusing but after having my friends continuing to advice me to ignore her & focus on god even more I was having a hard time not thinking about those happy memories I have with her. After reading this, I have nothing else to say but to trust him, no matter what the situation is, or how bad it is, continue to trust in the lord.
    For whoever who is going through the pain of a break up.. just remember that, he’s here with us, every single of us. We might think he’s not listening or doing anything but he already had planned our lives for ourselves we just gotta trust him.

    1. Yes! Went threw similar situation, he announced marriage in front of the whole congregation at my church, 2 days later he broke up with me. Prayed & cried however, I know God has something way better planned. Just going to contuie to trust in him.
      🙂

  3. My issue was I was dating a brother from my church. We were having a great time together until I found he was married and never got his divorce. It has messed with my mind because why would God allow him to pursue me. I was not lusting, because I am a minister. I really don’t understand this and why we he play hame with my hear? I asked the guy & he never responded. I am still waiting on God to tell me something too?

    1. For one, God did not make him pursue you. The devil is after us daily. I’m sorry that you couldn’t see God’s warning in time. Praying for you, please don’t allow his bad behavior to have you question yourself. God is able to heal you.

    2. That was, why do men, who are married play games with women hearts in the Church. This is what the world does. It should not be allowed to take place in the church and that brother should have been sat down from his ministry, but me protect one another in the church. Where are the praying mothers of the house? Someone should have known to tell him to leave the sister alone and you are out of order my brother. Where is God in this and from a man’s perspective, what would you do to help your sister out?

      1. Your perspective is bad.
        1. Women do the very same thing. Just because this happened to you doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen to men.
        2. We don’t need “praying mothers” to know when something is off if we are obedient to God and using discernment ourselves. You should have noticed it wasn’t God’s plan and stopped it right there.
        3. You should never be entertaining a married man, that’s just something no one should do.
        4. We have a blog on getting over an ex that can help you through the healing process.

  4. Thank u for this article! Basically i truly feel addicted to my ex, who btw is extremely religious in the last 3 yrs or so, but we were together for many yrs before and while we both struggled w addiction. Happily we are both in longterm recovery. My issue has so been romanticizing our relationship and also fantasizing of how great it would be now that we’re both in pursuit of a God bible driven life. But we’re long distance and his life seems to really be falling into place. Mine however seems to be at a slower pace and definitely not so God provided, if that makes sense. Anyway i’m just going to work on using these tips and focus on letting him go n building and nurturing my relationship with God. Im so tired of missing and obsessing over him. If he’s my partner from God i got to stop trying to make it happen when i want. Thanks n sorry so long

  5. Thank you so much for this, I just broke up with my fiancé didn’t last up to three months after we had our engagement, thankfully we had no legal wedding so no need for a divorce, yes it hurts! But I realized at this point I needed God more than ever, when we were engaged and living together I had literally drawn away from God and everyone trying to focus on my home! I’m thankful for the break up, we might get back but that’s really up to God though we don’t talk anymore but I believe that Gods will and only His will will be done in my life. God bless you

  6. I recently broke up with my guy. Anytime we had argument he threatens me with breakup.he always complain about who I am.n want me 2 change. Thanks b 2 God he ended up by saying we should quite. Am allowing myself to be healed by God.n know that God hv some one out there better for me.

      1. If you do, that’s on you. But why do you need someone to tell you why they left? You need to hear that you’re not good enough for them? You deserve better than that.

  7. God bless you ….am blessed by this. My latter will definitely be greater than my former. God wouldn’t give me stone for bread.

  8. Thank you so much for this, It’s what I really need.
    But is it wrong to make some kind of prayer after breakup? Like “Lord bring us back together n make things work out in the future if it’s your will”

    1. I do not believe so. I believe it is wrong to pray that prayer and let that consume you. Because you’ll idolize that person and the idea of being with them. Which will in return lead to your emotions leading you back and you’ll be thinking that it was God leading you.

  9. Just today i was asking God to help me through my breakup. Its been 3 months but i still love him all the same. We are both youth leaders in our church so it hasnt been easy. Reading ypur post has made realise that God makes no mistakes, i just have to trust Him. Our relationship maybe restored or not but my focus has to entirely be on God. Thank you for a wonderful post.

  10. Thanks for this article. Thank God for coming across this great platform of Believers, going through this break up might have been difficult, now I know God is involved.Now, it’s time for me to focus on my father and enjoy every second with him until he direct my Boaz to me. And this time around, no more compromising, we are doing it the godly way. No shortcuts.
    God is healing me and I trust Hime solely

  11. A had a breakup last year .Shortly after He got engaged to someone else then married her recently …but I keep blaming myself…I should have done that or I should not have said that…it’s hard to see that break up as God’s will. what should I do

  12. My situation is kind of unique. God revealed to me whom my wife would be when I was 19. We dated for five years and she just recently broke up with me. HER reason was because she didn’t see certain things happening in my life yet. And that she had given me 5 years of her life and that she is 25 and not getting younger etc. She said she wants the break up to motivate me to get to where she wants to see me at. She also said that she felt a prompting from God to go ahead and break up. I was upset at first because I wasn’t feeling peace about the reasons for the break up, as i felt all of this was my fault. She also said that ever since I had told her that God showed me that she would be my wife, she has felt confused and mentally cloudy. I admit that I should have NEVER told her that. I was young and that was during a time that I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to do that. There was a point in our relationship where she said she was sure that God revealed to her that I am her husband, but I feel because she hasn’t been seeing the results she wants, she began to question whether it was God or not. But I fully believe God has shown me that she is my future spouse. Through spending time with God I found out that He did indeed want us to break up, but the reason wasn’t because of me alone. It was because He wanted spiritual maturity to be developed within us. I believe people can be so focused on being outwardly prepared for marriage that they neglect being spiritually prepared. Which I feel the latter is most important. Even though the relationship ended so abruptly, there is a peace residing within me that I know only the Father can provide. I don’t have all the answer as to why it happened when it happened or why my ex did what she did but I’m trusting God to work it all out. My issue is that we are both worship leaders and apart of other departments within our church as well. So it is difficult because we are around each other more often than people who are broken usually up are. She has taken it upon herself to avoid me and ignore me so she is currently not speaking to me. She said she needs healthy space from me and wants to rid herself of her romantic feelings for me. She has cut off most forms of communication from me. I don’t have a problem talking with her as I have nothing but love for her and have been relying on God’s grace to give me the ability to overcome my emotions. What should I do?

    1. Give her space. God knows your desire is to be with her and you’ve prayed about it already. Allow Him to restore it if He chooses, but just move forward. Forcing it will only push her away.

  13. When theres an argument. When both partners are going through patch in their personal life and Later, one partner walks away while the other strives to bring them back by every means, wanting a second chance in the relationship with a strong will. I have been seeking during my happy and bad times. Can i ask god to restore this relationship which i really for

  14. When theres an argument. When both partners are going through patch in their personal life and Later, one partner walks away while the other strives to bring them back by every means, wanting a second chance in the relationship with a strong will. I have been seeking god during my happy and bad times. Can i ask god to restore this relationship which i really wish for?

  15. I was in a relationship with my ex for 5 years, we both break up because a misscomunucation and i realize that it was because of my immaturity. I found a character of Godly man in Him. I pray now that if God want me n my ex get back He will lead us, know i confuse what will i do. i’ve pray for 7 months but i’ve no sign from my ex that he want get back with me. Now, what will i do ? Do you think its a good idea when i wait for a sign from God that my ex is God’s will or not ???? Thankyou for helping me through this confuse feelings.

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