GodlyDating101

3 Tips to Getting Over an Ex

One of the most common questions/concerns I get in my inbox are typically along these lines: “I was dating someone for a few years and we just broke up…”, “How do I get over my ex?”, and the very frequent “I didn’t mind him/her saying let’s take a break to focus on God, but two weeks later they’re seeing someone else.” 
 

Getting over an ex is not easy, because there is no “on/off” switch to love or how we feel. However, there are a few tips to actually recovering from that breakup.  
 

Spend time with God. 

It will never make sense to me when someone says they can’t get over an ex, but they aren’t spending time with God. If you are spending all of your time reminiscing over pictures and going down memory lane, your heart will always be in that state of brokenness. In the presence of God, there is fulness of joy (Psalms 16:11), there is liberty (2 Corinthians 3:17), and there is peace (Isaiah 26:3). Of course the list goes on, there is so much we find by seeking God. 

Being in God’s presence places our lives into perspective. In Isaiah 6, the Bible shows us that the prophet Isaiah saw God in the year of the king’s death. Isaiah was a man of God, but in God’s presence realized just how unclean and lost he was without God. However, the part that gets to me is that he didn’t really see that much of God until someone died. Meaning, if the king was still alive, maybe he would’ve never noticed how big God really is. It wasn’t until king Uzziah was removed that Isaiah could have this experience. 

Sometimes God has to remove a person out of our lives for us to see Him for who He is. Sometimes we never notice that Jesus is the most important thing to happen to us until He is all we have left. Relationships easily becomes idols in our lives when we don’t keep things into proper perspective. 

Your worth is not in someone or something you can lose, your value is in Jesus Christ. Your identity is not in your ex, spouse, degree, etc., it is only found in Jesus. Until you learn to find purpose in Jesus, you’ll continue seeking it from others.  

“In the year that king Uzziah died I saw also the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and his train filled the temple.” (‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭6:1‬)

 

Stop seeking closure/an apology. 

One of the worse things we can do is to only trust God when things go our way. Meaning, it is very easy to love God when He gives the desires of your heart, but will we still obey if He removes that person? To love is to be vulnerable. We trust someone and that gives them the power to hurt us. Is it God’s plan for us to be hurt? No. Is it God’s plan for you to get cheated on or abused? No, and it never will be. However, God allows things to work together for our good; it’s just a matter of will you trust Him?  

Does God restore broken relationships? YES! 

I’m currently engaged to be married, all glory to God because she’s pretty amazing, and I tried to pursue her once before around 2011. It didn’t work out. Thankfully, it didn’t end on bad terms. The timing was just off, so it didn’t happen. I’m glad it didn’t though because I was clueless on how to be in a serious relationship (it’s not even easy now), all of this is a learning experience that Jesus has to help us through. So God protected her from my immaturity, selfishness, etc. and allowed us both to just focus on His plan. She finished school and I ended up joining the military and finishing school here now. I wouldn’t say God didn’t open that door so we could get degrees first, but He didn’t let us get what we desired because His plans were better than ours. So I understand that God can mend broken relationships, just stay focused on Him and let Him do the mending, not your emotions. We should be sure God is the one who led us back to an ex, not loneliness. 

Does God restore all broken relationships? NO! 

Many people ask me daily, will God send back my ex (this is after mentioning a relationship that doesn’t appear to have had God as the focus), and all I can do is simply think is, “why do you even want them back?” Of course I wouldn’t say that, because we all sometimes are addicted to what’s destroying us. My point is, most times relationships end because they weren’t ever in God’s plan to begin with. If you tell me that they are only after sex, in my opinion, God didn’t send them. If they only want they can get from you, they don’t love you. If they’re willing to drop you whenever they’re bored or there is an argument, that was NEVER love to begin with. 

Sometimes you have to learn that some relationships are temporary and you only hurt yourself when you refuse to let go. We will outgrow some people that come into our lives, and that is okay. Some people only pretended to love God to get your attention, but you can’t become lukewarm to keep them. If you have to sin to get them, you’ll have to continue compromising to keep them. 

Why do we as humans hurt others? Not because we are cruel, but because of sin. So we have to show grace to those who hurt us, but we also have to realize when God is the one who delivered us from a relationship.  
 

“There are many devices in a man’s heart; nevertheless the counsel of the Lord, that shall stand.” (Proverbs‬ ‭19:21‬)

Stop checking on their every move.

I’m not saying you have to delete numbers and unfollow someone if you two stop dating, but you have to give yourself space to heal. Trying to figure out why they chose someone else will hurt you. Checking their page to see if they’re miserable shows you’re not healed. If they’re happy, you’ll only feel jealousy or anger. Unplug from social media, stop reminiscing daily and then just sit in God’s presence. They’re doing just fine, pray for them and move forward. 

Can you imagine how much we work against God when we pray, “God please give me the strength to get through this breakup”, then turn around and check your ex’s page (or their families so you can be more “discrete”)? We are basically slowing down what God wants to do. It is not God’s will for you to be bitter. 

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” (‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭26:3‬)

If you took none of my advice, please hear this part: God will not remove anything from your life if He wasn’t protecting you, or giving you better. Trust God’s plan. Sometimes we orchestrate our own life and then bring it to God as if He should cosign to our emotional/spiritual downfall. God knows best, just learn to trust and obey. 

Grace and peace,

Tovares Grey

116 thoughts on “3 Tips to Getting Over an Ex”

  1. Thanks so much your post has really given me a life change…
    I thank God for everything.your post just came right on time.God bless you so much

    1. Wow, this was a just in time message…I found your page the other day and read this message today…it was meant for me to read!!! Thank you so much.

  2. Thank you for sharing this article, I really appreciate it and it really tells the truth. God will remove people in your life that makes them as your world and idol. God is a jealous god. He wants us to focus on Him and not on earthly things. I recently had a breakup with my ex 2 weeks ago and it was really painful. I can’t accept to myself that he replaced with a woman he only got to know for the first time. I got disappointed with him because he really don’t want to tell truth but in fact I already knew it. I just want to see him telling it with all his honesty. All of our happy memories for 2 years was lost all of a sudden. Right now I am happy because I can see God’s purpose was for my good. As His daughter, He just want the best for me. He wants me not to settle anything for less instead, wait for the right time to come and wait for the man that He will send to love me and to make God as the center of our relationship

  3. Thank you for sharing this article, I really appreciate it and it really tells the truth. God will remove people in your life that makes them as your world and idol. God is a jealous god. He wants us to focus on Him and not on earthly things. I recently had a breakup with him 2 weeks ago and it was really painful. I can’t accept to myself that he replaced with a woman he only got to know for the first time. I got disappointed with him because he really don’t want to tell truth but in fact I already knew it. I just want to see him telling it with all his honesty. All of our happy memories for 2 years was lost all of a sudden. Right now I was happy because I can see God’s purpose was for my good. As His daughter, He just want the best for me. He wants me not to settle anything for less instead, wait for the right time to come and wait for the man that He will send to love me and to make God as the center of our relationship.

  4. This is the best post I’ve ever read on healing from past relationships! Thanks so much for sharing this. Continue writing with the blessing God has given you, take care!

  5. Mr Grey

    I follow your godlydating blog all the way from south africa. I just read your article about getting over an ex. Its funny how God works because I just prayed that he helps me heal and get over my ex and the relationship before I saw your piece. He was really good to me and enhanced my walk with God. He broke up with me so we can both focus on God and our spiritual growth individually before we make the decision to marry. We both wanted to wait for marriage before we have sex but it was becoming very hard for both of us, this led to us ending the relationship as it was killing us spiritually. I recently found out he has a girlfriend and although we were still intouch as friends he did not tell me this. I decided to cut all contact with him. I was hurt. However I was still going through our pictures and stalking his new gf on social media. After reading your article i feel the healing can really start now. Thank you for the tips. God has used you to speak to me. I pray he may continue to use you to bless others. Thank you so much.

    1. I went through a similar xperience, though there was no sexual tension, but issues relating to her earnestly in plans we made. She basically broke each promise she made onwards our plans because friend were advising her otherwise. I have ended the relationship too and waiting on God to point me elsewhere according to his will and plan

    2. Hey Im a south african woman too. Im hanging on to a guy who’s spiritual walk is not good and Im afraid to let go because of what possibly might be the end result. Him being with another girl….

  6. Pls I have a question, How is a Christian lady supposed to handle an ex (Christian brother) who keeps flaunting his next in her face especially when she still has feelings for him and hasn’t moved on. How does one handle/pray/move on from the situation? This has caused her to be bitter for 3 years and the ex doesn’t seem remorseful especially as he was the one who broke up with Her without any reason. Pls kindly reply cos its confusing

    1. Has she read this article? She really ought to as I have found it helpful. Also, has she considered that on some level, he may be showing out because of a deep rooted pain? In any case, I pray for healing but I pray for forgiveness as well. It would be impossible for God to help Lady if she won’t let go of what is hurting her and that includes forgiveness. Lastly, I pray that the Lord may help Lady-In-Question to let go of her ex and implore her to seek the Lord on this matter. In Jesus’ precious name, amen.

      1. Thanks Mara but Who / what could have caused the deep rooted pain? He broke up with my friend not the other way round. This is the second lady she has seen him with since the break-up 3 years ago and he doesn’t even try to be discreet about it. he even bragged to some friends IN MY FRIEND’S PRESENCE, about marrying this one. I know my friend might seem pathetic to some but she has tried all she can to get over this guy. Another thing is that even with the fact that she consciously puts herself out there, she has still not met anyone she likes or is interested in.
        Pls help as my friend is in her 30s now and is beginning to get really worried.

  7. Great advice. This really opened my eyes to why I cannot forget and move on. Thank you for explaining the breakup routine and why we do not let go. I feel so much better now, knowing it is God’s plan.

  8. I started crying reading this. God has kept me focused on him. Mt fiance and I broke up “officially” in February 2016. That man was my idol and I didn’t even realize it..I just knew I loved him dearly. At the time we were together, I wasn’t saved. Towards the end of the relationship, Jesus made it so I could move out of the house we were living in, without being penalized (because we both were on a 2yr lease) and allowed me to move out and get into another place (even though at the time my credit was shot and I didn’t think I would get approved) shortly after.. Not to much longer after I left, I gave my life to him. It’s been a bumpy road and I’ve fallen before, but now I know God has something better than I can ever imagine.. The lonliness gets to me sometimes, but I’m after God’s heart.. I won’t look back anymore..

  9. Thia article has given me some hope. I know this feeling very well. I was in a relationship with my childs father for 3 years. I did not have my son until july of 2015. My relationship had great times and there were also very horrible times. I was cheated on, lied to, and hurt in ao many ways. I stayed with him because i loved him so much and i loved his previous 2 daughters that he had, they were my world even before i had my son. Are last year of our relationship was so emotional for me being that i had just gave birth to my son and was suffering from postpartum depression. My sons father was there but he wasint there. As a child i grew up in a christian home. My father backslid but my mother kept pushing. Eventually they got a divorce. The entire time i was in a relationship with my sons father i didnt think to consider God until 3 months before i gave birth. I gave my life back to god 1 month after i had my son. I was still living with my son father but stopped having sexual contact with him because i knew i was serious about my 🚶 with God. It was so hard for me because i felt like i was in a situation where i had to please him or please God. June of 2016 i gave up and decided that we should split, he was not interested in my walk with God , i felt that he thought i was going to be a lukewarm Christian but i didnt want that. It hurt me so bad because i separated with a child. I still loved him deeply but knew that it was time for me to walk with God. Now he is currently in a new relationship in less than 5 months and i feel deeply depressed and hurt. I would check his fb page frequently too see what was going on and it was doing was making me hurt more. I cried to God asking him why. All i wanted was my family to be together. I even went ot the extenxt of confessing my love for him still. My hardest part of this break up is that there is a child involved and now my only child has to grow seprate from his parents. Im trying my best ro accept what God is doing in my life. I will not say that it is easy because it is so hard. After reading this post it gave me hope that God knows what he is doing. Even though it is still hard for me to understand, i am trying my best to trust what he will pre pare for me. Thank you for this article

    1. I am currently going through a similar experience. I commend you for putting your son first and yourself. I did not have that strength instead I stayed until things got toxic . I was left with a newborn and a broken heart. I took that hurt turned it into anger and seeking love from others. It finally put me in a place where I questioned my self worth. I recently broke up with my ex and looked to him to help me get out of my hard times but man will fail you every time. I now am looking to God. I think you saved yourself from a lot of hurt by doing what you did. I admire your strength and wish the best for you.

  10. Hi, I’m so grateful for this. I was engaged for a year to a non Christian and realised that he was pulling me away from God. I gave him to God and asked him to have His way in the relationship and he ended it, saying he didn’t want to marry me. It was a huge shock (because I secretly wanted my happy ending, even though I trusted God with the outcome). It still hurts seven months later, but it would have been a disastrous marriage, so I’m so glad my Father in heaven loved me enough to stop it. Dealing with the pain isn’t easy, especially coming up to our first Christmas apart for four years. But I’ve trusted that God will give me a wonderful man (I’ve made a list and prayed over it) and I’m going to focus on Him until that happens. Comforting to know that it’s not just me going through this.

  11. I needed this.I was still struggling on how to get over my ex,but this just gave me hope that I’ll be able to move on & be happy without him(ex)

  12. This is so true! The same thing happened to my husband and I..The timing wasn’t right. We both ended up with the wrong ppl abd couldn’t see it…God eventually removed them from our lives. We want aware that we were going through although it was in different years.. after He removed them, we stayed focused on God and only God…my husband said he never remarried because he knew we would eventually meet back up because God showed it to him..Many ppl have said to me and behind my back…” You can’t be healed yet, you need to wait until you’re healed good before dating again or getting into another relationship. It’s been a year since my last relationship. God brought my friend/soul mate back into my life after 4 years. I asked God to heal me abd strip all soul ties from me…Being in God’s presence all the time and seeking his face for the healing,guidance,strength, peace…allowed me
    to healed quicker than I can even explain..so to some it was so soon..saying you can not be healed…but they forgot Who it was .That healed me..it wasn’t man, it was Almighty, all powerful,, master physician God!!! His ways are not like ours, His thoughts are not like ours..I Know He did it!!! And now I’m married to a wonderful, man I’d God!! NOW I know God’s timing is always perfect. I wasn’t a lonely woman seeking a man..I saught God and He brought His man to me. Blessings!!

    1. Thank you for your testimony. I just ended a relationship that was “bad timing”. We met while he was going through a divorce mid-last year. I told him we needed to leave us in 2015 until he finished his business. He held on and I did too. We started off as friends and grew even closer. A quarter into this year, the divorce didn’t happen and they decided to reconcile for the kids. That tore me up! I broke it off and a couple of months later we were back talking. He was still reconciling, although, over there. We still loved one another and missed our friendship…. I continued to pray for my broken heart to be healed and broke it off a couple times knowing this wasn’t right. A couple of days ago I broke it off for good and told him that I need to heal and that I’m not taking this into 2017. I’ve given it completely over to God. If he’s for me, he will be. No more manipulation of my heart by checking his fb page to see if it’s happy or bad…. none of it makes me feel better. I love this man and he loves me too and we’re compatible in so many ways including knowing Christ, but, it wasn’t our time. We met for a reason, I like to say…. I wasn’t even supposed to be there that night! I’m not sitting waiting on him or anyone else for that matter. I’m focusing on the Lord this time. All the other ways in past relationships including a marriage/divorce of 11 that didn’t work, so, I’ll give it all to my Lord who truly loves me.

  13. This was a very good article! Thank you for sharing it!! Isn’t this what we all want and need?! It’s a matter of recognizing what we are doing/have done, understanding what we must do, and then put our whole being in motion to make God first in all our ways, always! Then let God guide you in His perfect Plan!! I pray this in the glorious name of Yeshua!!! Amen.

  14. This is EXACTLY why my ex wanted to break up….so that we could focus on God and His will for our lives. While I have no problems with that at all, deep in my heart I feel like there was more to it and I’m just waiting to hear “through the grapevine” about his new interest. I thought he was the one. Four years we were together. However, God has shown up BIG time in only ways that He can through my pain. Thank you for sharing this….

  15. Currently dealing with a bad breakup, however reading this has given me hope. Even though the tears are heavy now, GOD is my pillow to cry into.

  16. This is very good advice. I agree with what you said about God is protected her from me because of my immaturity and I am so glad that it never work out the first time and now that He had changed my heart and renewed my mind I know I am a better person now and ready to be in a relationship and I have become wiser knowing what God’s will is for me. Right now I have made my choice to rest in Him because He knows what’s best for me and that He is my Father. About the girl that I’m in love with I don’t need her and I’m letting her go not wanting to be with her in the future because of the differences we have like purpose. I bless her and I know the Lord is taking very good care of her. God bless her and may she prosper and brings glory to the Father through Jesus Christ her Lord and Saviour.

  17. Thanks for these encouraging and inspiring words. Was very much needed now in my life. Just put to end a fruitless relationship. It has taught me to find solace in God and be closer to God more than ever. I am crazy in love with Jesus and trust God always.

  18. Thanks so much..it is very helpful though it is not easy dealing with a break up with some one you loved with all left in your soul,it also hurt when they can’t fight for the love you share, when they easily treads you with their family sentiments! But ThankGod for his plan for me is of good and not of evil,to give me an expected end! He knows that some relationships will destroy his giftings in us .

  19. This is so wonderful and helpful… I needed this badly! Though Holy Spirit has already taught me some of the principles, I feel good to get this confirmation. I broke with my ex because he wasn’t born again and he was not yet ready to get in. I knew I was wrong to date him since we started but I was immature enough to set the limits earlier. The relationship costed us more that four wasted years. We shared some resources some of which can’t be recovered. I am still trying to pursue him to lend back the money I borrowed him, he has started to do so after so m such prayers as I am now unemployed and in need of money. I am not sure how much will I be able to recover but I thank God I am at peace. I am focusing on my relationship with God… I don’t stalk on him and I don’t wanna know what is happening with his life now. I just pray for him sometimes…I get bad dreams about us sometimes. I know God is working things together for our good…and I long to see his purpose fulfilled. I am 38 years old but I am surprised how God has made me calm and collected in my singleness… Sometimes I sense the pressure from family and friends but I also get the encouragement from the Ancient of days. I know His plans for me are so much good than I could ever imagine…

  20. I can see myself on this post. For years, I have been living in the shadow of my past reminiscing over memories which made me more depressed because I was the one who messed up everything until I realized that I was making the mistake of pursuing the provision and missing the provider. What I mean is that I didn’t spend time with God and even when I did I was basically slowing down on what God wanted to do in my life, but things have changed now because I have everything. When you have Jesus, you have everything. You have peace, righteousness, forgiveness, wisdom, health, power, provision, favor and every blessing.
    JESUS CHRIST IS THE REAL MVP!

  21. hi i read this an it is helpful its how to keep it going with out giving into going on the ex’s page or the person who he or she is dating…when you feel this way what do you do?? how do you distract yourself from obsessing/stalking ?? And how long does it take effect and you just stop caring
    thank you

      1. yes i know! id just like to understand your tips better! what i am asking is like when you feel the need to obsess/stalk what is your go to how do you choose to distract yourself?

  22. Amazing. I needed this so much. I’m going through a “break” with someone I’ve been with for 8 months. At first, our relationship was great but not very God focused but with in the past 5 months, it has been. He’s helped me regain my relationship with Christ and has brought me back to church. However, he said he wants a break cuz he’s in another state for work over the summer and he wants us to grow on our own and not be chained together. I agree with this but this also made me realize that he doesn’t treat me as well as I’d like so it’s best if we break it off. We are still going to be friends and maybe we’ll try again when he comes back. I’m putting everything in God’s hands and trusting Him. He knows me better than anyone and He knows what’s best for me.

Comment here!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s