Fear of Singleness

In society today, we see that everyone is hyped over being in relationships, getting married or starting families. None of those are bad goals. However, those should not be our only goals. I have come to notice something very scary in the church: people want a “godly relationship” more than they want God. People want to get married more than they want to be the bride of Christ. We are investing so much in finding “the one” God has for us, instead of passionately pursuing The One who made us. The bible tells us to seek God’s kingdom and His righteousness first. When we put God first, He adds the things we need in our lives (Matthew 6:33).
Don’t rush through these questions I’m about to ask you. I want you to meditate on these over time and see if you love Jesus as much as you say do.

  1. Is God really enough for me?
  2. Am I only praying for a spouse when I do decide to pray?
  3. If I didn’t get married, would I have resentment in my heart towards God?
  4. Do I spend time with God by myself without depending on a relationship in order to grow?
  5. Am I even getting myself ready for marriage? Or am I just desiring something because others look happy on social media?

“But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:14)

The woman at the well is a clear example of the majority of us in our spiritual walk. We are empty. We can shout, dance and appear happy all day long. However, many of us are putting on a show to hide our inner pain or loneliness. You see, Christianity is more than how high we can jump in church, but how straight we can walk when the service is over. It’s okay to be a work in progress. It’s okay to admit that we don’t know what we are doing. It’s perfectly fine to stop what you are doing and just ask Jesus to help you. Please understand this, Jesus said His grace is sufficient for our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). The woman at the well shows me that no matter how many relationships we get into, no person will be enough to fill the void in our hearts that is meant for God. We have some strange notion that a relationship will complete us, and when it fails we run off to the next person to make us “happy”. Marriage is designed to draw us closer to God’s standard of holiness rather than towards earthly “happiness”.

For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water. (Jeremiah 2:13)

Many of us are currently jumping from person to person looking for love, peace, acceptance, and healing. Please stop expecting people to give that to you, you have to get that from Jesus. We have people in the church today that are afraid of being single. This may not be ideal to say and some people will be upset, but it is impossible for every single person to be married. There is not a perfect 1:1 man to woman ratio, so that alone should show us that God will allow some to be single. Not only will God call some to be single and use them for ministry (like how Paul dedicated his life to his ministry after being saved), but some people will never be married because they never allowed God to heal and prepare them. If you carry the bricks from past relationships to a new one, you will always build the same house. God wants to deliver you from the baggage you’re carrying. God wants His children to spend alone time with Him. If all of your time is spent with a new person, you will always find your identity and worth in people, rather than in Christ. When you find your worth in a person outside of Christ, it will fail and we will end up heartbroken. Yes, God will mend the broken pieces of our heart, but why put yourself through that? Place your heart in God’s hand and allow Him to place it in the hands of someone seeking Him. If you continue making decisions on your own, this toxic cycle will never end. 

“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

This blog is mainly for those who don’t know how to be single or think they must be outside of God’s will if they are single. Many people trust God with everything except with their “love life”. Stop picking and choosing the areas of your life you’ll submit to Christ. Allow God to lead you instead of emotions or loneliness. Until you learn to be content alone with Christ, you’ll never know if you’re with someone because it’s God’s plan or if you’re just afraid of being alone.

“For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power:” (Colossians 2:9-10)

Grace and peace,

Tovares Grey

50 thoughts on “Fear of Singleness”

  1. I am in a relationship now after being single for over a year, i have God in my heart and im a christian and he also… We believe God had kept us single so that we could seek Him and we did and we are happy together but we still pray that if God dont want this relationship for us and He want us for Himself we will stop everything… We wil give up our relationship coz without God nothing makebl sense…

    1. Hi! I think if you are happy together, you should not worry that you are not meant to be together. Things will happen, life might get tough but then comes the choice. You need to choose eachother too when it gets hard, amen. Just relax, enjoy eachother and I promise you, God will make it clear if this is not meant to be. Don’t think on it too much. Bless you guys!

    2. I have been someone that moved in and out of relationships. Never had time to really love myself and enjoy my own company. I felt suffocated if I was alone. But after my last breakup. God helped me realise that I needed to start getting close to him. I needed to have a relationship with God to be able to have any relationship with any man. I’m still on this journey and trust me it has been the most fulfilling journey ever. Being single has helped me grow so much.

  2. This is what i needed. Thanks god and please pray that i heal my broken heart and move on and that god will be enough for me amen

  3. Please give me some guidance or help on how to stop worrying about the past…or why it didn’t work out with someone and why he chose someone else instead of me…how do I go about stopping the. Thoughts???

    1. Although it’s extremely difficult, you have to first forgive the other person. Look at them as God sees them; a hurting, flawed person. It happened to me so I know how this feels. My ex left me and 7 children. Wound up marrying the woman he cheated with. I decided (with God’s help) to forgive them both. My life has been a series of blessings since. I found out so many things about that man that I never knew! God has something exciting and Beautiful for you beyond this that He needed to have you away from that person. All I can say is you have to trust Him. Again, I know it’s heartbreaking and hard. My prayers are with you.

      1. Your story is truly inspiring to me . Here I am stressing and contemplating over leaving my current relationship with two children (2nd on the way) and not knowing what to do. I know for sure if you found the strength and guidance with 7 children I know I can with 2. Thank you for sharing your story.

  4. Please give me some guidance or help on how to stop worrying about the past…or why it didn’t work out with someone and why he chose someone else instead of me…how do I go about stopping the. Thoughts???

      1. Plz give me guardaince I don’t understand how I keep attracting the same type of men

      2. 1. Focus on changing your lifestyle. We tend to attract people that live how we live.
        2. It doesn’t matter who’s attracted to you, it’s up to you entertain them or not.
        3. You set the standard of how people we act in your life.

      3. I just needed this. It’s indeed very true.God is indeed all l need and all l will ever need all will be well.Seek first the kingdom of God and everything else will be added unto you.

  5. Thank you for this, it really encourages my soul. I was feeling down during church today, and this message was what I needed. I have to trust God even if I don’t see his ways. I long for marriage and companionship,and it’s miserable at times. Please help us to pray for one another for continued strength and renewing of minds and hearts.

  6. This post is profound and full of wisdom. I wish that I had read this type of information years ago because it would have saved me from a lot of wasted time, lack of peace and heartache. I praise God that He has worked on me so much that I can read this post and see the progress I have made. There is still so much more room for growth but I thank God for a new mindset. Jesus is so much more than a matchmaker. He will bring fulfillment into our lives if we allow Him to work and take control.

    My favorite quote from this along with a few others is “If you carry the brivks from past relationships to a new one, you will always build the same house.”

    Loved every bit of this reading.

  7. Very nice and well written article. Looking forward to read more from you.

    Be blessed!

  8. Thank you so much for this blog post, it came at a great time for me as young man of God. Thank you for setting me straight on where my heart properties have to be at all times.

  9. Thank you so much for your love, consideration. And consistency in your page ministry. God really had anything in you all life in this area. It truly minister to those who are seeking our of brokenness or wanting to know why should they “WAIT”. God is a healer and hid purpose and plan for our lives will prevail rather in a relationship or single. I appreciate your post. Thank you

  10. Thank you so much for your love, consideration, and consistency in your page ministry. God really has an anoiting on you all life in this area. It truly ministers to those who are seeking a relationship out of brokenness or wanting to know why they should WAIT” in preparation or healing. God is a healer and his purpose and plan for our lives will prevail rather in a relationship or single. I appreciate your post. Thank you

  11. Well said thank you so much for the words l am inspired l have learned a lot hopefully l will learn more #GodisanamazingGod

  12. AMAZING…Such a wake up call and a reminder of what are we filling our hearts with. Amen and may God continue to use you.

  13. This is valuable information, that every young lady and man needs to hear. Very little guidance is given to single people that the wrong teaching from media channels throws them off from the focus of God.
    Thank you so much for this page.

  14. Wow.. Thank you so much for this post. God truly told you to write this when you did. I just spoke to him about circumstances that made me realise that He is indeed the only thing I ever need. And that I don’t need a boyfriend/husband in my life, for it will stand in the way of me doing His purpose on earth. I feel like God has just confirmed this to me through you. Keep doing what you are doing, for you are touching many hearts.

  15. Most times what we hear from most preachings is always about marriage, and every other promises of God that we must have. At times it leaves us conscious of getting those things and seeing them as very important, which can make us forget our real reason of living. Thank God for this message.
    Its has light d burden in my heart.

    1. Amen to that. It is like they put pressure on us women to get married. It actually starts with our parents sometimes that we grow up thinking marriage is the It!!

  16. Well said. This is a battle I am fighting everyday. I pray that the Lord heals my mind and soul allowing me to see my worth in him. Thank you Jesus!

  17. Well laid out . I used to desire relationships more than I did God. Would jump from one relationship to the next.. Seeking for the right things in the wrong places. All my relationships amounted to nothing. They were all the same- they never fulfilled me. I then decided to take time off & be in the closet. I embarked on a journey of self discovery and sought God. To be honest .best decision I have ever made. Never felt so whole in my life.

    God is good
    @ godlydating thank you.

  18. My take home points from this blog is to seek God. He desires and longs to take the frontseat in our lives. It is not easy living a life of singleness at times, but with God’s help it gets easier. I think social media has clouded our views on When? we should get married. We see our friends, family, and coworkers get married and place unnecessary pressure on ourselves.

    Everyone has a unique journey that is controlled by God’s timing. You are a free being so you can make things happen on your own. However, when you are following God’s will you are not your own. You have given up full control over your life to pursue his will. Just think if God had removed the cup from Jesus? Then what would have happened to the atonement of man’s sin?

    Mark 14:36 Yet not what I will, but what you will. So I believe when we relinquish control over our thoughts, body, soul , spirit and release them to God then if it’s his will for you to have an earthly spouse, it will happen. If not, God will still fulfill your life. You are complete in him (Colossians 2:10) We must know that even if we don’t get married God is still good to us and will supply all of our needs.

  19. woow thats what i needed…we need to focus on God and all that we need will be added in our lives👐

  20. I recently started an exclusive relationship a pastor. Everything seemed to be going well. We both love the Lord we discussed what type of relationship we wanted and prayed for. Our meeting we knew in our spirits it was from God but something happened. His ex-wife came into the picture and repented to him. Asked to forgive her and to give her another chance. Right now he’s confused and told me that he needs time in prayer. I totally get that. I am praying for him as well. I am hurt about it but I know I have to lean on the Lords purpose.

  21. Been single for a while now and honestly it has been a gift! ive never been so devoted and in-love with Christ my whole life. Its being one with Him the whole time. I don’t crave or wish to find a spous or to marry for that matter but rather just to persue and keep this oneness with Yeshua. ill encourage anyone to seek this level of intimacy with the Lord… your whole perspective will make a 180 degree swift on absolutely everything u think you know about Him. invest time getting to know your first love, He will shock you in many ways. show you mouth dropping facts about the roots of your faith. Reveal the truth and how we have been blindfolded. Im in AWE of this BEAUTIFUL Messiah I get to call my bridesgroom! Not alot of people know that the name of God is literally signed over their heart, and every time your heart beats it sings “shedai”! whether ur an atheist or pagan or muslim God has put His signature on your heart! You are His masterpiece!

  22. This blog was definitely what I need. I was single for a while and met someone, we then went on to get married but it wasn’t God’s Will, it was my loneliness which drew me into that relationship.

    I knew I should have got married but I didn’t want to be ‘alone ‘ and I was worries I was getting old.. all I did was make things worse for myself 3 years later.. I am a much happier and stronger person, I don’t fear being aloonr I embrace it because I can just be with God and him all my worship. I have accepted that marriage is not everyone portion and if it’s not mine I am ok with that…

    But then I wonder have absorbed the acceptance of singleness so much that I may be block the man God has for me out or is Ok?

    Of someone can share their thoughts because sometimes I feel maybe I am not giving anyone an opportunity even if he is who God has placed for me.

  23. I have really been struggling with this for awhile and it’s been really bad the past couple days. I’m so thankful I stumbled upon this post. It has really put a lot into perspective for me!

  24. Hi, I have recently went through a detrimental relationship. I’m seventeen years old. Your posts have really helped. They have shown me where I have gone wrong and I want to thank God for you and for your family. I don’t have many believers in my life. I thought the guy I was with was truly a believer in Christ, but he was more interested in sex from the beginning. I can not blame him, however, I did some things that I did not want to do and the flesh took over. I just hope God forgives me and that I am not out of his will. I thought about marriage and much more but, it is clear that I made him an idol rather than God the center of our relationship. I remember how scared I was when I kissed him and how I wanted that Godly relationship, but it was mostly physical. He went to college and he left me. I thought we had faith, I really believed that God wanted us together. But he didn’t. Everything was forced and it wasn’t godly at all. We were fools and I hope the best for him in all he does. I hope that your post continues to penetrate my spirit. Thank you for everything, grace, and peace to you. Love, Jene`

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