This blog is long overdue! One too many people have been frustrated with God because He has not met their desires when or how they expected Him to. Many are now in their 30s, 40s, 50s and even older and still message us saying “I really don’t understand if I am missing something. I turn down bad relationships all of the time. I honor Christ with my body and I do my best to stay focused on Him. But I want a wo/man, doesn’t the bible say God will give us the desires of our heart?” And yes, I have received this concern from all age groups, genders, countries, etc. I used to think some people were honestly being impatient and “needy”. But is that always the case? Nope. Some people just have good desires that won’t be met, or they will be and they just have to learn to trust the journey.
Here are 4 things I want you to grasp about this topic:
1– Just because you want to get married, that does not mean a spouse is owed to you.
I believe many people can twist the scriptures so much that they no longer serve God, but they serve their idea of God. I say that because it is so easy to find a bible verse that sounds good, so we try to apply it to our lives without knowing its context or understanding what God was actually trying to say. I literally received a comment from someone that said “We all were created for marriage, and the bible says the woman was created for man.” I didn’t even bother arguing with them or getting into some form of biblical debate, because everyone has the right to their own opinion. Even when they are wrong. We are created for God and to give Him glory. Yes, the bible mentions that God brought Eve into the picture because it was not good for Adam to be alone, but that does not mean every woman born on this earth needs to be married in order to have a purpose. Just because God did not see it fit for Adam to be alone, that does not mean that every man on earth needs a wife before he can do the will of God for his life.
“Well the bible says in Psalms 37:4 that if we delight ourselves in God then He will give us the desires of our hearts”. Yes, it does say that, but it does not say everything that we desire is owed to us. Neither does it say that every good desire in our hearts is God’s desire for us. When you delight in Jesus, you begin to desire more of Him and you begin to desire what He wants you to have. So while you are there spending time with Jesus, He will begin to rearrange some mentalities, habits, actions that you have/struggle with and He will mold you into His image. What if it is His plan for you to be single? So many people are not content, but they believe a spouse will fill that void. That will never happen because a spouse should add to our life, not be your goal in life. Jesus is the only One able to fill the void in our hearts.
Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. (Psalms 37:4)
2 – Some people are called to singleness.
I figured I might as well tackle this topic at some point, because some people really do not think it is possible for this to happen. In the scriptures, there were people that were not meant to be married. Those were the eunuchs. Of course, I am not advocating to having any man castrated or forcing people to remain single. Times have changed, and that is a bit extreme if you ask me. However, if you don’t mind reading Matthew 19:1-12 really quickly you’ll see what I am about to refer to. Jesus was asked about divorce by some clowns, I mean Pharisees, and He dropped the truth on them like a BOSS! Marriage is God’s design, and the two become one flesh that way. They asked so why did Moses allow divorce then, clearly trying to start drama. Jesus told them because of your “hardened hearts”, Moses allowed that to happen. God’s plan is never divorce, and He goes into a little more detail, but I want you to go and read that really fast! Back to my point, Jesus said in verse 12 that some were born eunuchs, some were forced into it, and others chose that lifestyle for Heaven’s sake. I could possibly be wrong, but this is only my opinion on what He was stating: Jesus wasn’t saying some castrated themselves to glorify God. Rather, He was saying some abstained from marriage and sex in order for their lives to be fully dedicated to God. It is possible to be alive and not desire marriage or sex. Don’t feel inferior or weird if that is you. Use your life for His glory. I believe it is also possible that some may desire marriage, but they can be more effective for God while single. Which is why marriage will always be a great desire, but being single is not something you should just shun the very thought of.
Paul was a man that literally changed the world for Jesus. He was so on fire for Christ that he could send a handkerchief and it would heal the person when it reached them (see Acts 19:11-12). However, in all of the great things this man did for Christ, he did something that many refuse to believe is God’s will: he stayed single. Whether Paul was always single, divorced or widowed is beside the point. He said that he recommends for Christians to remain single like he was (1 Corinthians 7:6-8). Of course he was not saying everyone should be single and celibate, because that will mean there is no way to repopulate God’s earth. However, he was showing us that there is so much you can do for God when you are single. If you have the desire to be married, that is a good desire, just be sure that you are willing to serve God with your heart whether single or married.
For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. (1 Corinthians 7:7)
3 – Your motives can be the reason why you are still single.
In the era of social media, everyone feels like they are missing something. You follow that dream couple and you wish you could be like them. You are constantly told by friends and family that you need to hurry up and get married. People begin to question your sexuality, your character and everything else about you. Sometimes it feels like the best thing to do is to just rush a relationship. However, seeking something God does not want us to have or rushing into something because we do not want to feel left out will only lead to pain, stress or sin. I have reached a point in my life where, I only want what God has for me. Waiting sucks, we all know that. But what good is it to be married and you end up walking out of God’s will in the process?
I didn’t get into too much detail because we already wrote a blog on how our motives often times delay God’s plan for our lives. Click here to read that full blog that will get more into why motives are a reason some will never be married, or it will simply be a very long time before they do.
You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. (James 4:2-3)
4 – If you aren’t faithful to Christ in your single season, you will still be inconsistent when you’re married.
Some people amaze me at how much they love the idea of marriage, but not the idea of being the bride of Christ. That isn’t to sound judgmental, but we really need to check our hearts. Do you really think that marriage is the time to start living spiritual? No, singleness is the time to develop your walk with God. If I struggle with lust while dating, I will struggle while married. If I am rude while dating, I will be rude when I am married. If I can’t budget and I spend all of my money shopping, I will simply lead my marriage into bankruptcy. Too many people are focused on finding “the one”, instead of becoming the one. I know firsthand that all of my issues before marriage are still issues now unless I address them, learn from them and depend on Jesus for growth.
Not only that, but we must have our own walk with God. Please do not think a “godly relationship” is a substitute for an actual relationship with God. You want a godly spouse? Live a godly life. You want to prove that you are “marriage material”? Start developing yourself as a Christian and mature adult so that you will actually be ready for this marriage that you are prepared for. Some people are single because they cannot be trusted in a relationship. If we are inconsistent with God, we will only love someone else conditionally. If we are not faithful to Him despite His love and grace towards us, we will struggle with the person we are dating. We all mess up, but a consistently growing relationship with God will help you to love others.
But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. (James 1:6-8)
Grace and peace.