Stop Chasing Butterflies

I receive many questions from people who want to know how can they tell if someone is the one for them. We’ve made a YouTube video about the concept of “the one” and wrote a blog about knowing how you can tell if they’re the one for you, you should check it out if you haven’t already. However, it confuses me when someone says they’re with someone who’s amazing and loves God, treats them right, but something is missing.

“Well…. what’s missing?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t have those butterflies I’d expect to have.”

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)

Can I tell you something that you know, but can easily forget? Your feelings will destroy you. Your feelings will have you running back to relationships that God delivered you out of. Your feelings will have you running back to abusive relationships, because you’re focused on memories instead of reality. Your feelings will have you thinking it’s okay to to let your flesh take control, but you know in your heart what God is telling you to do.


If you want to know true love, look at the Bible’s definition of it (1 Corinthians 13). Too many expect life to be like Love and Basketball or The Notebook. All of these Disney and movie fantasies will have you ignoring your blessing that you’re praying about. Many people want a godly relationship, but when they have a godly person in their lives that’ll correct them when they’re falling or lukewarm, they take it as judgement. So you want a godly relationship, but you don’t want God? Some people claim they want true love, but they really just want someone they can post on social media. Just because all of your friends are dating or married, that doesn’t mean God is telling you to do the same.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being married, but I honestly believe many of us don’t understand that marriage is way more than we think. We have to understand that marriage is a ministry as well and God has to prepare us for it. I honestly believe our motives are what causes us to have our blessings delayed (read more about that here).

“(For we walk by faith, not by sight:)” 2 Corinthians 5:7

I’ve learned that we live in a generation of people that are driven by emotions (see Provers 30:12). We disregard the word of God, and we go by opinions instead of scripture. We don’t like correction, because our feelings are placed higher than God at times.

“There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.” (Proverbs‬ ‭30:12‬)

There are days when my marriage isn’t all sunshine and roses. I absolutely love my wife and our marriage is great (she said so as well, so don’t think I’m being dramatic lol). However, that does NOT mean we are happy every single waking moment of the day. There are some days when it’s like she can’t wait to hug me, and there are some times when I’m sure her hands just want to hug my neck. If we go by those days when there are no “butterflies”, we’d foolishly think God didn’t bring us together. When we don’t feel those “butterflies”, does that mean it’s time to jump ship? No. It’s time to keep cultivating our love so it doesn’t die out.

Does that mean I’m telling you to settle? NO, PLEASE DON’T SETTLE. I get butterflies when I’m around my wife still. But you have to understand feelings should not dictate your future. Pray regarding that person. If God gives you peace regarding them and He gives you confirmation to keeping the relationship, then don’t give up on them just because you don’t feel happy all the time.

Grace and peace.

17 thoughts on “Stop Chasing Butterflies”

  1. Hehe he. ..well said.
    Coz I’d look at my bf sometimes a d be like.. huh.??? What am I doing here. But as soon as I leave his side, I miss him like crazyyyyyy. Then I go see him and feel butterflies all over again. Funny how that works.
    But am happy to realise that there is nothing wrong with the ” coming and going” of the butterflies and that it isn’t an indication of anything bad.
    THANK YOU!!!

  2. Thank you so much for this. Thank you for letting Jesus use yall. This just came for my whole life. Thank you again. I cant stop reading!

  3. I really needed to hear this. Since I was 23, I have been in relationships with men who said they knew God, but didn’t really have a relationship with the Lord. I gave into my feelings instead of really trusting God and leaning on his word. I basically settled for what came in front of me and was went astray from the Lord. Next thing I know, I fell so far from him that I just gave into every lie that the enemy put in my pathway. I was hurt in each relationship, verbally and emotionally. By God’s grace and the loving prayers of my loved ones, I am free from all that sin now! Jesus is so merciful and there is no going back for me! I am now 27 years old, and feelings are not what drives me, but it is the holy spirit that leads me and guides me. I need the Lord everyday, and he is the one who makes me whole, not a relationship. Jesus satisfies my every need, exceedingly and abundantly! Even when HE blesses me with a man after God’s own heart, Jesus will still be my all in all! It’s all about Jesus! I am obediently waiting on what God has for my life (my purpose) and not what I think is best! Your article blessed me so much! Thank you and God bless you!

  4. Amen and amen! I really love it when I see THE TRUTH on this subject being shared. I recently married a wonderful man that I believe God hand picked for me, yet I had to get out of my own way and let go of my emotions and desires to receive God’s best.

  5. This is definitely a reminder. We are on the age where if you are an adult, everyone (or most people) expects you to be in a relationship or will be getting married. There are also factors like social media and entertainment such as TV and movies.

    Really love the article and the insights you have pointed out. Will keep this in mind and life.

    God bless!

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