Idolizing Marriage

So you say that you want to be married. That’s fantastic! However, your desire may be delayed because of your motives. Why is our society so deceived into thinking that they can’t be happy until someone else comes along to give them worth? Marriage is so great, but it cannot complete. Good things cannot fill God’s role. Marriage is meant to be a blessing, but not your purpose on earth.

Okay, before I scare you away, let me get into the point of this blog!

There are so many people out there desiring marriage. That is so good, because marriage gives us an idea of just how much God loves us. Husbands are literally told to love their wives the way that Christ loves us. If that isn’t an indicator on how serious God takes marriage, I really don’t know what is. We are blessed with the gift of sex in marriage which gives pleasure and the ability to procreate. However, the problem arises when we want to be married more than we want Jesus. We seek a spouse before we seek the God who created us. Of course the all-knowing God could tell us who to pursue and who to stay away from, but we simply just hunger so much for the fairy tale love story that we forget all about God. Too many people are expecting a story like Love and Basketball, The Notebook or a Disney channel love story. I think many of us have the idea that marriage carries us into a happily ever after without problems, but is that the case? Every “romance” movie we watch, the movie ends with the highlights! The boy finally wins her heart. That pretty girl finally gives that guy a chance and they run off into pure bliss. The couple who broke up and moved on, somehow managed to run back into each other and fate would have it that their love is rekindled.

“It is definitely God’s will that I get my fairytale!” That’s just how it should be, right?

Wrong. Relationships don’t always go according to our plans….even if we love Jesus. Divorce rates are high just for the misconception many of us believe. You must know that no matter how awesome they are, they are still human. Perfection can only be found in Jesus, so do not hold an extra high standard for someone that cannot fill it. Marriages fail when God isn’t the center, but your idea of how marriage is. You both will have work to do, but you can’t grow if you two aren’t CHOOSING to forgive, love, cherish, respect and honor even when the feelings may fade.

Ever heard someone say they want a Godly spouse or someone following Jesus, but they aren’t even following Him wholeheartedly? That will never happen, you attract who you are not necessarily who you want. If you’re pursuing Jesus, then like-minded people will be drawn towards you; if you’re a lustful person, then that kind of person will be drawn to you. It is not God’s will for you to be with anyone holding on to the world. You two are going in opposite directions if they choose to remain lukewarm or unsaved. Keep your eyes on Jesus. Wait on someone you can pursue Jesus with. Wait for the type of person that will protect your purity and encourage you to seek Christ. So many want marriage so bad that they don’t take the time to evaluate themselves or the person they are with. God does not want us with anyone leading us away from Him. Love does not lead to sin. A Godly man/woman can commit to one person. Be careful of those wasting your time with their games. Do not say “I do” to someone who hasn’t said “I do” to Jesus. Committing to someone that doesn’t love God is only setting you up for a dead end relationship. If the two of you even last, you’ll still find yourself far away from God and that wasn’t your intention.

Are you getting yourself prepared for marriage, or do you just want a honeymoon, a ring and sex? Be careful of doing right things with wrong motives. Paul did say it’s better to marry than to burn with lust/passion (1 Corinthians 7:9), but keep this in mind: if sex is the only reason you are going into marriage, you’re not ready for it. Of course no one will be perfect before marriage, but be careful of jumping into it and you’re not ready for such a great commitment. It should be until “death do you part”, not until “looks fade and you run out of money”. Remember that it’s a lifetime commitment you are preparing for so do not rush into something you can’t handle. Guys, if you don’t want to commit then leave the girl alone. Stop trying to see how many hearts you can break before “settling down”. And vice versa, because some women string men along and try to get attention from him, but won’t give him the commitment that he desires. Divorce is only common because we are seeking guilt-free sex, a wedding celebration, someone to control and manipulate rather than a best-friend we can honor Christ and grow with.

Think about it, your heart is too valuable to just jump into marriage and you weren’t prepared for it. Rushing will lead our vulnerable hearts into sin, brokenness and wasted time. Choose today to be patient, wait on God to lead you and not our emotions that can easily change. His timing is perfect.

Grace and peace,

Tovares Grey

24 thoughts on “Idolizing Marriage”

  1. 👏👏👏👏 You need to come to Africa. A woman’s failure to marry by 25-30 is incest and an insult to even family. Marriage is good but not ultimate and yes I like what you said. I read somewhere that you’re running a race to heaven and you see someone running then you pair up to run together

    1. In particular Nigeria😜😝. However, I have found that if these women have a strong and supportive nuclear/immediate family, it’s alittle bit easier to handle the societal expectations.

    2. I want to get some clarity on what you said Deshi. Are you saying that when a woman doesn’t marry by 25 that there in Africa its culturally bad and looks like incest? Just wanted to be sure I read that right. And I
      I absolutely love this article. Alot of very good points and full of nuggets of wisdom. 👏

      1. Hi Melody, I love the discussion. Indeed there’s a lot of wisdom in this article. Personally am a Spiritual affairs director at my school, as well as the CU chairmanship in my college and really want to live and die empty for God.

  2. Thank you, this is what I needed today. I’m 31 and have never been married, pastor’s daughter, had my first kiss at age 30. The only dream, desire, goal in life I’ve ever had was to be married. Yes there’s the stereotypical reasons, but I truly do want a best friend I can grow in/pursue Christ with. I’ve had a rough year in general, but being dumped by the guy I thought I’d marry twice last year really did a number on me. I’ve been mad at God, not pursuing Him, angrily crying out “why?” daily, as my life is nothing like I imagined, or wanted. I’m very unhappy with my life right now, and know I need to choose joy and find happiness and contentment in Him. But I’m not ready, I’m still angry and hurting and have a long way to go. But thank you for the words of wisdom and encouragement!

    1. I do understand how you feel. This happened to me sometime in May of 2014. I remember this day very clearly because it was a Wednesday and I had just come back from a mid week church service. The man in question called and told me he was coming around to visit and I was excited. We were two years into the relationship. I got home, started preparing dinner and waited. He showed up with flowers. I honestly thought he was about to propose to me. I was so nervous and smiling like a sheep. Well, I cannot sincerely remember all he said other than he didnt want to continue the relationship.

      I remember crying so profusely and I guess my crying moved him to tears as well. I don’t know what came over me but I went on to ask him if he wanted to eat lol…anyway, he left, I locked the door, put the oven off and headed to my room. I survived that night and I just barely pulled myself to work the next day

      Over the next days/weeks, I was angry at God and I remember telling Him that He was mean to have allowed this breakup to happen. I literally told God that I didn’t want to serve Him anymore. By July or there about, I reconciled with God. I surrounded my self with people who encouraged and spoke life into me.

      Oh by the way, I am in my early 30’s. I tell of my experience so that you can be encouraged. I will say, do all the crying you need, shout and scream at God if you have to, trust me He understands BUT not for too long!

      The enemy always threatens and harrasses people with the sole aim of pushing them to give up on God and themselves. I pray for you today: no matter what you are passing through, you will never loose your faith in God or surrender your dream of a beautiful relationship/marriage to the devil in Jesus name. Amen

      P.S: In November of 2014, I was still grieving the relationship and I remember waking up by 2am that morning, praying and asking God why, why, why. As I went through my devotion for the day, the memory verse for that day was Ecc 11:5. I knew that was God answering the questions in my heart. I wanted to know why but his response to me that morning was simple: Jen, you cannot understand the activity of God who does all things. My freedom from wondering and asking Him why began that day. I have not looked back since then.


  3. very inspirational. I thank God for your wisdom, this is indeed a big help to everyone! 😊❤

  4. My first time visiting your blog. And to say, I was greatly impacted by this message. I haven’t reached marriageable age yet, but i definitely needed this. More teenagers and young people need to hear this. Thank you do much for this. And I Thank God for using you to bless me.

  5. You don’t know how bad I needed this I’ve been in church for about 7 years in all the years I was in church no girl’s liked me not interested in me the girls that I did like weren’t interested in me they dated other guys in gotten married I Just felt like well God I guess woman in the church don’t like me I’m glad you shared your heart God bless.

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