My Thoughts on Online Dating

Before I start this blog, please understand that everything I’m about to say is just my opinion. You do not have to see this the same way as I do. Feel free to take the good and leave the bad. Alright. Here we go….

Online dating is probably one of the scariest things a person can ever do in my opinion. I know many who met their spouse online and they’re happy now. I mean legitimately married for years and a few people in ministry and both of them are loving each other and serving God. So is meeting your spouse online possible? Yes. Is it wise to me? Not that much.

“You say, “I am allowed to do anything” —but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial.” (1 Corinthians 10:23 NLT)

There are so many options for us to choose from online nowadays: Zoosk, Match, eHarmony, Tinder or the all time favorite…… Christian mingle. It’s weird to me how advanced we are becoming with technology, yet so unattached in reality. Did you know that it’s easier to flirt online than to talk in person and express your interest verbally? Studies prove that guys have more confidence in social media DMs than they do face to face with the woman they’re interested in. Actually, there was no research done and that was my opinion. However, I know you agreed when reading that. That’s why some girls have a guy in their inbox from 2013 saying “hey beautiful!”

I wouldn’t recommend online dating simply because I believe who you meet online isn’t always the same person in you see when face-to-face. That virtual boo you’re calling a “dream come true” could be a nightmare in reality. Not saying they’re a “cat-fish”, but their character and lifestyle doesn’t always match. I believe that if one were to go that route, they should honestly take some time alone with God and ask themselves this one question: is this a wise route to find a spouse or am I doing this because I’m tired of waiting to find someone/be pursued?

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I would hate for anyone to read this and assume I’m saying their relationship is not the will of God if they met online. So for me to say I’m against online dating, I have to be fair and say why.

A few issues that I have with online dating are as follows:

1. FaceTime doesn’t show character flaws.

– Can you see if they’re respectful and kind to others this way?

– Can you tell he’s a liar by a 1 hour phone call on FaceTime?

– Can you tell she has terrible body odor because of a FaceTime video chat?

Maybe those aren’t dealbreakers for you, but you get the point. Seeing them in person would resolve those speculations you should have.

2. Skype doesn’t show money mismanagement.

I believe that we can easily see how reckless someone is with their money when we see them in person. Flashy apparel, gifts or simply so much love for self. You believe in tithing and giving offerings at church, they believe it isn’t necessary and they are throwing that 10% into their wardrobe. If you two were in the same city, state or country, you’d know their values by their spending.

3. Facebook and instagram doesn’t show how their walk with God is in private.

– You don’t know if they go to church or love the church.

– You don’t know if they study their bible or pray.

Them posting their bible besides their Starbucks cup doesn’t mean they spent time with God. They probably only wanted likes on social media and to look spiritual to impress you. And please don’t tell me they’re spiritual for posting a verse taken out of context in the caption to their latest selfie.

4. They can be Romeo or Juliet via FaceTime, but have a whole spouse or bf/gf in their city that you don’t know about.

I know of one too many people who hooked up with someone online only to find out that they’re in relationship or married. I’ve had many heartbroken messages from people that didn’t know what to do when the man they loved was living a double life and hiding a family. Or a girl “broke up with them” or lost communication suddenly. Next thing you know, boom, she posted her wedding pictures right after. Not only that, but blocked them and now they’re just confused trying to figure out “why would God allow this?”

5. Everyone places their best foot forward on social media, not their flaws.

You don’t know how much they’re faking until you’re together. Or married because they can hide it for the couple days you two visit each other.

All of those issues are simply my reasons for not supporting it. It could be my cynicism, but those are issues you cannot afford to ignore. Before you say “I’m cutting off all dating apps or say you’re cutting me off, please say “God, i need to really pray and seek You about this”. Please don’t hold my words as bible doctrine. I know God is able to do anything, but I would not allow the internet to be my first option. Learn to communicate in person without relying on a cell phone to control your future. Besides, many use dating apps out of fear of rejection and God didn’t give us a spirit of fear. Be bold. Men, go pursue that woman. Ladies, make sure you’re always making yourself worth the pursuit. Allow God to guide your steps!

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬)

Grace and peace,

Tovares Grey

32 thoughts on “My Thoughts on Online Dating”

  1. I think you are speaking more about Long Distance. Just because you met someone online doesn’t mean you wouldn’t date them in real life. You would see these things eventually.

    1. Oh yes for sure. When it comes to long distance, I believe you should’ve met in person first. For those who didn’t, their should be frequent trips in person though. Long distance can work for sure, online dating is odd to me though.

    2. I agree! The article seems one sided. All those questions apply to dating a person you met face-to-face. Same risk.
      It’s about being open-minded that it’s 2019 and we have access to way more things and people. God created the internet. Use it wisely. Date wisely. I think all the questions need to be considered no matter how you meet.

      1. Surprisingly research shows arranged marriage last longer. They are not build on the superficial things a lot of people base relationships on: He must have a MBA, a BMW, a certain salary bracket, a puppy and wear Jordan’s.
        Versus he has a spirit to take care of my daughter and family.
        I think it’s just “odd” to us because it’s not our normal. We don’t understand things we’re not apart of culturally.

    3. Argument seems one sided. Yes it is impossible to detect body odor via FaceTime but the truth is no one dates online solely until the day of the wedding. There would be a time where they would meet in person which would reveal some of the red flags you listed , if not all. However I do agree that it is not for everyone and the best way would be to first check in with God to see if it aligns with his will for your life.

      1. I care to disagree. This blog wasn’t made up out of boredom. I know of many who literally date online and never meet up. So I hear everyone’s point, but you’d be surprised at the things people do lol

      2. If they “date” online and never meet up. That’s not dating. That’s a pen pal. That’s not courtship at all, thus yes that is very weird. But some people get lonely and just want someone to text/talk to.

  2. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about online dating. Some points I do agree with, especially the communication part. Where would you suggest you meet people outside of online dating? I plan to use one or two online platform for the initial meeting, however, face to face interactions is a must!! But I would be interested in hearing your suggestions. Thank you!

    1. I think the initial dating spot would be based off the conversations you had initially and what you both like. As long as it’s some where public with others for safety. Do you like museums? Pizza places? Coffee shops? People tend to meet people where they spend time at and people spend time at places they enjoy. You’ll meet people with things in common when you spend time at places you enjoy.

      1. That’s a good idea, Sophia, thanks! I’ve been a homebody too much lately, it’s about time for me to stop out the bachelorette hide out 🙂

  3. While I get the point you are trying to make. This article is pretty one sided. It takes the stance dating online your entire relationship is online. And hopefully after that phone call or FaceTime your meeting this person in real life to get to know them. All those questions you asked are the exact same questions to be asked for meeting someone in person. If I exchange numbers with a person in a grocery store, yes we met in real life but the same their social media does not show all, the phone call to set up a date does not show their character. You can be rejected in real life as fast as you can on social media. Which is why regardless of how you meet someone what matters is the genuine effort to get to know said person. You can meet someone in the mall and they be creepy, dishonest and have a whole girlfriend/boyfriend you do not know about. They guy you meet at work face to face isn’t the same guy you was not aware of outside of work had a wife and he was using you to cheat. Online and offline, dating takes time, patience, communication and the smarts to stay safe.
    Above all, online and offline, pray for the lords will and timing. A lot of people in real life try to rush relationships not meant for them and seek relationships God has no desire for them to be in

      1. I too, would prefer not to tell my grandchildren, yeah we met on Tinder. Lol. But I have a ton of happy Christian couples who met on tinder and are thriving. Always place God first and the results can be unlimited.

  4. So where do you suppose we should meet someone? I’m 61 and everyone I spoke to online and my friends agreed that we have few options other than online. There’s no one at my church, I’ve been dancing socially for almost 3 years and haven’t met anyone, lots of friends but no prospects and my work has no one. We all agree we don’t want to be online, but where do people our age gather?

  5. I gave up on online dating, because of too many bad experiences, too many counterfeits, too many liars, and too many false Christians. I’m letting God lead my footsteps.

  6. I understand your point of view but it is one sided it seems. My sister met her amazing husband online. They prayed together, facetimed and met twice! I believe it depends on who the person is who is online. Not everyone is wise and prays for Gods guidance. There are many men and women I know who have even met good or best friends from it. So there is pros to online dating. I will say its not easy because you are weeding out a lot of people just by chatting. I have not went on one date yet because I can tell where this person Is going or that we dont have the same beliefs. So as I stated before it depends on your maturity and if your willing to allow God to guide you as you are online.

    1. My friend met her boyfriend online. They are still married. My coworker is 15 years happily married to her husband who she met online. Little did she know when they met online they even had a mutual friend. So you never know who you can meet online. One of my really good friends I met online and he’s an awesome man, of my friends said I’m looking for a husband, he is def husband material.
      There’s mature and serious people online just like there’s weirdos and creeps and liers in real life.

  7. Loved the post & loved that it was your opinion and I respect that. First of all, God created the heaven’s and the earth, not the internet.
    Secondly, men created this problem. Not God. God has clear instructions in His Word about dating and finding the right one. People just look to what’s easy and what everyone’s tried (no, i’m not saying they married the wrong person online). In today’s society, people look to what men have created. Instead of looking to His word and meditating on the laws of His word day and night. People would rather go online and create profiles checking every day and night to see if someone swiped (right?) or whatever, instead of spending time reading His Word and meditating on His laws day and night.

  8. I totally agree with this post. Dating online removes or diminishes the real interpersonal connection needed in building up a relationship.

  9. “Did you know that it’s easier to flirt online than to talk in person and express your interest verbally?” I dont think anyone goes into online dating to strictly ‘date’ the person online. What does that even look like anyway? Online ‘dating’ is for a preliminary introduction then you arrange with the person to meet up for an actual date out and about. Maybe society needs to revisit the term ‘online dating’ and maybe call it online ‘meeting’. Cause the face to face meeting up and going from there is always the goal, not staying online.

  10. Im 49. I am single. never married. I have been internet dating since it’s outset in what the late 90s? Here is my take. Internet date needs to be a tool in the toolbox. The problem is that now it has gone from the only egg in the dating basket that people used to almost being people’s only option in dating. People need to get out and meet people. They will be much better off than sitting behind a screen scrolling through pictures of (in my case) women in sunglasses and empty profiles. We can meet people anywhere. There is no harm in trying to meet people online, but get out in real life.

  11. I enjoyed your article – a nice read – valid points. I’m a senior citizen and thankful to God I didn’t have to search online for a life partner. Single status in my late 60s I thought I’d give this online dating a try. After all TV commercials made it look quite easy. Imagine !! Profiles on dating sites are filled with misrepresentation. My advice is weed the garden – check – check- check for those red flags of dishonesty. Proceed with caution!! Many men are players. Decent women don’t fall for their BS thus they move on to easier prospects. I’d rather be alone than change my morals and values. If alone until I depart Earth is where God wishes me to be then I shall face that head-on. I look forward to reading more of your posts. 🙂

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