I received this question recently and I’m shocked that I’ve never posted on this subject before. This is actually a very real issue for people in the church. I remember being single and not feeling like there were any options at times. However, I do know that was just the enemy discouraging me so I’d look for someone lost in the world or just any single person who’s not a psychopath and live happily ever after. I’m no expert on this subject by any stretch of the imagination, but I do have some thoughts regarding this.
So here are a few locations that I’d like to suggest to all of my single friends:
1 . Church
Well this one is obviously number 1 on our list. If you love Jesus, it would make sense for you to pursue someone who loves Him as well. If you know that God has a calling on your life, it’s wise to find someone that’ll push you closer to your calling. I have met many believers that lacked character in the Church. I was definitely one of them. I’m daily aiming to please God and die to my carnal and worldly ways. That being said, please don’t think just because they are in church means they are actually aiming to please God. Be prayerful about who you connect to. However, a few bad examples is not an excuse to think you can’t meet an amazing Christian in church to grow with and serve God with.
If your church is small, just make friends in other churches. God is bigger than your church/organization. Please don’t lock God in your box. I’m not advocating for anyone to skip their service or start visiting other churches without the awareness AND permission of your pastor. I know everyone thinks they’re grown nowadays, but you need to make your leadership aware of what’s going on when you’re not in church. There are plenty of occasions where you can visit other churches.
I know that I have some non Christian friends that read this blog, but I’m not going to change my message. In order to find a person to love God and serve Him with, the smartest decision is to go the church. I’ll never understand how we expect to meet a godly spouse at the club or some worldly event….. Side-note: Please don’t start staring at people mid-worship or chasing everyone on the choir. Go to church for the right reason (to build your walk with God and build community) and He will order your steps.
“Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:22)
2. Christian concert or conference
I recently mentioned visiting other churches, but I find this one slightly different. I say this because I’ve visited plenty of church conferences growing up that had hundreds or thousands of people. It’s weird to look back and notice how we’d dress up hoping to meet a girl or how the ladies would do something to be noticed. It seemed like everyone was meeting their spouses at these camp meetings.
It may be very carnal or immature for me to think that going to a Christian event is the way to find a spouse. However, let’s be realistic, it does take effort on your part. Please don’t lock yourself in the house and think God is going to drop someone out of the sky. Unless you plan to marry a burglar or a Jehovah’s Witness. Just saying.
The only negative to finding someone here is you really don’t know everyone’s doctrine, denomination or core beliefs just because they are at a church event. So always be prayerful and take the time to get to know them. Ask deep questions and be willing to say “well this person is amazing, but I think it’s safer to remain friends instead of compromise my beliefs by dating them”.
“Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.” (Psalms 37:4-5)
I recently said in my last blog that I’m completely against it. You can read it here if you are interested. However, I was not clear at all about what I meant by online dating. I literally met online dating, not long distance or meeting someone online and building a real relationship. I receive dozens of messages of people who literally date people in other countries or states that they’ve never met and they can never visit one another. To me, that is far from wise because you don’t know who they are after FaceTime ends. Does that mean I am against long distance? Not for a second. My wife and I dated long distance for awhile because of me being in the military. The only reason the long distance didn’t feel like too much of a hassle was only because I knew her for years prior to dating.
So when I say I’m against online dating, it’s for people that never meet up but literally think they’re getting married some day. That’s a pen pal or an online bestie, not a real or authentic relationship. Not only that, but some of the greatest friends I’ve met were made via social media. I’ve added people on Instagram or Twitter after having mutual friends or seeing something inspirational, and after some time we’ve become very close. So who’s to say God couldn’t lead you to your spouse via a social media connection? I’d be a hypocrite to say that it’s impossible.
With that being said, I am not telling you to do the following:
- Create a tinder account.
- Jump in anyone’s DM’s saying you’re God’s will for their life.
- -Neglect making authentic friendships in real life and seeking God about potential relationships, but simply using a keyboard to find a spouse.
4. The Bible app
You’d laugh at me saying that, but I’m literally attending a wedding this weekend for a couple who met on the Bible app. God works in mysterious ways y’all!
5. Through evangelism
I don’t believe in the “flirt to convert” mentality I see in the church today. I don’t believe we should date unsaved people hoping they’ll get saved in the future. What I am saying is we should always be ready to invite people to church, share Jesus with them and live godly lives at church, work, home, etc.
Did you know that your lifestyle can point people to Jesus or push them away from Him? Matthew 5:16 says people will come to glorify God when they see our good works. Reading that makes me realize that there are tons of people who will never go to church because of them witnessing our hypocrisy or carnal actions when claiming to be Christian.
Let’s just say you decided to be sold out to Jesus and you walked around with such a passion that people started being attracted to the Jesus within you. Don’t you think that would be a very easy way to win souls and disciple them to Christ? A self examination will answer that question. I don’t believe we should be seeking God or doing His will just to get a spouse, but we can clearly see a direct correlation between evangelism and more options to Christian men/women we can marry some day.
“Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your hope as a believer, always be ready to explain it.” (1 Peter 3:15 NLT)
Where are some places you have gone and met some great Christian people? Or where did you meet your spouse? I know many people met their significant others in places that range from the gas station to Walmart or from Chick-fil-A to the gym. Never doubt God’s ability to answer prayer.
Grace and peace,