Accountability is Important

We’ve all read the story of David, the man after God’s own heart, falling into adultery. If you haven’t read it yet, please read 2 Samuel 11 for context. One of the most fascinating things in that story was the fact that David didn’t repent right after lusting after Bathsheba as she showered. He didn’t repent right after committing adultery with her. Neither did David repent immediately after having her husband killed. Well…. isn’t this the man after God’s own heart? Yes, he is, but he was still a hot mess.
“What’s your point, Tovares?!”
I’m glad you asked! The point is that David didn’t repent just because he felt bad, but he repented because God sent Nathan to bring conviction to his hardened heart. David did some things that didn’t please God (2 Samuel 11:27), but he tried to continue life as if nothing happened. Isn’t that what we do sometimes?

“And David said unto Nathan, I have sinned against the Lord. And Nathan said unto David, The Lord also hath put away thy sin; thou shalt not die. Howbeit, because by this deed thou hast given great occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme, the child also that is born unto thee shall surely die.” (2 Samuel 12:13-14)

I don’t know about you, but I am praying that God will send all of us a “Nathan” wherever we may be in our spiritual walk. We all may be playing with sin and displeasing God, and God will send someone to help us out of it when we are ignoring His voice. Many of us neglect God’s truth; and that is why we have people like pastors, prophets, teachers, godly friends and godly leadership around to tell us when we are wrong, we need to do better and we can live righteous lives with the Holy Spirit. Does God expect us to fall? I’m sure He doesn’t want us to. However, he knows we all will fail without His help. But I am also sure that He doesn’t intend for us to stay down. David was willing to continue spiraling down before Nathan came, but you don’t have to stay down as well.

Every couple, young and old, needs someone that can:

1. Show them how to love one another in a godly way.
I don’t know if you believe this or not, but society is not living according to God’s standards. We have nothing but celebrities, drama and “reality tv” that are becoming the “relationship goals” for Christians. That’s silly in my opinion. We need godly examples in the house of God showing how marriage and godly relationships should look.

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity,” (Titus 2:3-7 ESV)

2. Teach them how to avoid temptation.
Like I previously said, society teaches us to go against the plan of God. We all need to find godly people we can pursue righteousness with! It is very hard to serve God alone, but when you seek Jesus with likeminded people, life becomes a lot easier! Jesus didn’t even walk alone, so I do not think you should be trying that either.

“Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, WITH THEM that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:22)

3. Correct them when they’re wrong.
We live in a society that calls everything judgment. I understand some people are mean, but it is not God’s will for us to call everything judgment instead of listening, changing and growing. If you are wrong, be mature enough to be corrected because that will help you grow. We have to quit pushing away the people that love us just because they’ll correct us.Too many of us are friends with people or staying in churches because the leadership doesn’t confront our sin.

“For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.” (Hebrews 12:6 NLT)

Every single believer that desires marriage needs someone that can:

1. Teach them how to maintain their bodies in a pure way.
Due to me creating this Godly Dating 101 page, many people come to me for advice, or assume I know a lot. The truth is, I was so driven by lust when I was younger that it doesn’t make any sense at all. There are days when I’m praying God keeps me free and in His presence just because I know that as enticing as sin is, it is able to destroy your life. My point in saying that is this: I WISH I KNEW THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW! I didn’t have many examples on how to live purely. We all need godly believers that are able to tell us what to avoid, why to avoid it and how to pursue righteousness because purity is God’s will for our lives.

“For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:” (1 Thessalonians 4:3)

2. Teach them the types of relationships/people to avoid.
Before Abraham died, he made sure that he told his servant to get a woman from their own people for Isaac to wed. Why didn’t Abraham just let him marry a woman nearby? That’s because convenient isn’t always the will of God. It is better for you to find someone who loves God instead of someone random just because they look nice. The same way Abraham made that servant find the right person for Isaac, we need people who can help us choose godly people. Not choose for us, but to help us in the process of choosing a spouse.

“that I may make you swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell, but will go to my country and to my kindred, and take a wife for my son Isaac.” (Genesis 24:3-4 ESV)

3. Teach them the importance of not rushing the single season.
I know of one too many people who question why they’re single instead of just enjoying the season. Marriage doesn’t complete anyone, Christ does. Marriage should only add to what God is doing in your life. Marriage can be pointless if you have nothing to offer your spouse or no connection to Christ for yourself. However, I understand singles should be looking or praying about certain people if they desire marriage. But we all should have some godly mentors that can help us choose or use discernment so we are not rushing out of desperation.

“Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers.” (Proverbs 11:14 NLT)

Before you read this blog and just start telling your issues or concerns to just anyone, please pray for godly accountability. Ask God to send someone who will correct you in love. Someone that will challenge you to grow even when you’re comfortable, complacent or lukewarm. If God didn’t send Nathan to David, he may have never written Psalm 51, the most beautiful passage on repentance. So let me ask you a simple question: are you willing to submit to godly accountability?
Grace and peace,
Tovares Grey

Church-goers Vs. Christians

We all love Jesus right? I’m sure you do, because you are probably reading this to check if you are missing something in your spiritual life! Don’t worry, only the people refusing to read this are the real sinners! Just kidding, relax relax haha. This blog isn’t to tell anyone who’s going to Heaven or Hell, because I can’t judge your heart. But these are points that are true and we all should examine our own hearts and motives daily.
So here are 7 differences between a Church-goer and a Christian:
1. Church-goers believe in Jesus. Christians believe and actually obey His commands out of their love for Him.

 “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? (Luke 6:46)

2. Church-goers attend church services when it’s convenient for them (possibly only on Easter and Christmas). A Christian is fully aware that godly community is not only enriching to their spiritual walk, but it is also biblical to have a “church” family to call their home.

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. (Hebrews 10:24-25)

3. Church-goers read their bibles when they want encouragement. Christians read their bibles so they can grow in their knowledge of Christ and so they can be conformed to His image.

I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word. (Psalms 119:16)

4. Church-goers will try to twist the scriptures to fit their lifestyle. Christians are changed from the inside out because of the scriptures.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:2)

5. Church-goers wait until times are hard to pray. Christians understand that prayer is something we should do consistently because it is simply communication with God.

Pray without ceasing. (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

6. Church-goers think repentance is something that will destroy them or is somewhat legalistic. Christians understand that sin is a barrier between us and God (Isaiah 59:2), but Jesus is willing to forgive all who repent.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

7. Church-goers leave their faith inside of the “church” on Sundays. Christians understand that our love for God really shows in our lifestyle and ministry doesn’t necessarily start until the service is over.

And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. (Luke 9:23)

There are many differences between the typical fans of Jesus and His genuine followers. Judas was “close” to Jesus, but his heart clearly wasn’t as dedicated as it should’ve been. Many are in church, but many of us haven’t taken the step to actually becoming a disciple of His. If you haven’t taken that next step in your walk with Christ, will you do so today?
Grace and peace,
Tovares Grey

Idolizing Marriage

So you say that you want to be married. That’s fantastic! However, your desire may be delayed because of your motives. Why is our society so deceived into thinking that they can’t be happy until someone else comes along to give them worth? Marriage is so great, but it cannot complete. Good things cannot fill God’s role. Marriage is meant to be a blessing, but not your purpose on earth.
Okay, before I scare you away, let me get into the point of this blog!
There are so many people out there desiring marriage. That is so good, because marriage gives us an idea of just how much God loves us. Husbands are literally told to love their wives the way that Christ loves us. If that isn’t an indicator on how serious God takes marriage, I really don’t know what is. We are blessed with the gift of sex in marriage which gives pleasure and the ability to procreate. However, the problem arises when we want to be married more than we want Jesus. We seek a spouse before we seek the God who created us. Of course the all-knowing God could tell us who to pursue and who to stay away from, but we simply just hunger so much for the fairy tale love story that we forget all about God. Too many people are expecting a story like Love and Basketball, The Notebook or a Disney channel love story. I think many of us have the idea that marriage carries us into a happily ever after without problems, but is that the case? Every “romance” movie we watch, the movie ends with the highlights! The boy finally wins her heart. That pretty girl finally gives that guy a chance and they run off into pure bliss. The couple who broke up and moved on, somehow managed to run back into each other and fate would have it that their love is rekindled.
“It is definitely God’s will that I get my fairytale!” That’s just how it should be, right?
Wrong. Relationships don’t always go according to our plans….even if we love Jesus. Divorce rates are high just for the misconception many of us believe. You must know that no matter how awesome they are, they are still human. Perfection can only be found in Jesus, so do not hold an extra high standard for someone that cannot fill it. Marriages fail when God isn’t the center, but your idea of how marriage is. You both will have work to do, but you can’t grow if you two aren’t CHOOSING to forgive, love, cherish, respect and honor even when the feelings may fade.
Ever heard someone say they want a Godly spouse or someone following Jesus, but they aren’t even following Him wholeheartedly? That will never happen, you attract who you are not necessarily who you want. If you’re pursuing Jesus, then like-minded people will be drawn towards you; if you’re a lustful person, then that kind of person will be drawn to you. It is not God’s will for you to be with anyone holding on to the world. You two are going in opposite directions if they choose to remain lukewarm or unsaved. Keep your eyes on Jesus. Wait on someone you can pursue Jesus with. Wait for the type of person that will protect your purity and encourage you to seek Christ. So many want marriage so bad that they don’t take the time to evaluate themselves or the person they are with. God does not want us with anyone leading us away from Him. Love does not lead to sin. A Godly man/woman can commit to one person. Be careful of those wasting your time with their games. Do not say “I do” to someone who hasn’t said “I do” to Jesus. Committing to someone that doesn’t love God is only setting you up for a dead end relationship. If the two of you even last, you’ll still find yourself far away from God and that wasn’t your intention.
Are you getting yourself prepared for marriage, or do you just want a honeymoon, a ring and sex? Be careful of doing right things with wrong motives. Paul did say it’s better to marry than to burn with lust/passion (1 Corinthians 7:9), but keep this in mind: if sex is the only reason you are going into marriage, you’re not ready for it. Of course no one will be perfect before marriage, but be careful of jumping into it and you’re not ready for such a great commitment. It should be until “death do you part”, not until “looks fade and you run out of money”. Remember that it’s a lifetime commitment you are preparing for so do not rush into something you can’t handle. Guys, if you don’t want to commit then leave the girl alone. Stop trying to see how many hearts you can break before “settling down”. And vice versa, because some women string men along and try to get attention from him, but won’t give him the commitment that he desires. Divorce is only common because we are seeking guilt-free sex, a wedding celebration, someone to control and manipulate rather than a best-friend we can honor Christ and grow with.
Think about it, your heart is too valuable to just jump into marriage and you weren’t prepared for it. Rushing will lead our vulnerable hearts into sin, brokenness and wasted time. Choose today to be patient, wait on God to lead you and not our emotions that can easily change. His timing is perfect.
Grace and peace,
Tovares Grey

My Friends Don't Understand my Walk with God

Living for God is such an amazing experience that we get to enjoy daily. He changes our lives from the inside out and delivers us from many things that used to keep our hearts in bondage. Unfortunately, our “friends” don’t always see it that way. What makes it even worse is when our “Christian” friends don’t support us. I can understand a nonbeliever questioning my desire to pray or fast, but not a Christian. I can understand an atheist saying negative things about my attempt at a disciplined life, but not someone in the “church”.
“Bro, you are doing way too much!”
“Girl, chill. Stop acting overly spiritual.”
“Don’t be so ‘heavenly minded’ that you’re no earthly good.”
“I get that you say you want to do right, but all of those things are just leading to legalism or a self-righteous approach of earning God’s love.”
I have heard these things said to me and to others before; but what if I told you that your friend was doing you more harm than good by saying those things? What if they want to help you, but their “good advice” is not “God advice?” What if God is actually calling you into a deeper place of intimacy, but you will never experience it because of your company?
Anyone that makes you feel bad for being passionate about living for God is a distraction from the enemy. It is best to keep a healthy distance and pray for them, instead of having them keep you comfortable in a stagnant walk with God. I am not advocating for foolish or weird behavior, because God will use friends to explain the scriptures to us and tell us when we are viewing things wrong. I am saying that there should be no one in your inner circle that doesn’t want to see you grow into who God is calling you to be.
Let’s look at 3 major things every believer should do when their friends don’t support their walk with God:
1. Examine your friends.
I’m just going to make this plain, everyone isn’t meant to be your close friend. Jesus is our example of how to love and treat others, and even Jesus had an inner circle. Jesus preached to masses, did life with 12 disciples, and yet He only called Peter, James and John for certain situations. Did he love them more than the others? No, not at all, but He had a different purpose for them and possibly a deeper level of intimacy with them.
If your friends stop you from growing, then you two must address it or slowly drift apart. If your friends are struggling with the same issues as you, then accountability is hard. Instead of having the wisdom to help you out of it or the boldness to rebuke you in love, they will give you a pass (because they are struggling).
So again, check if your friends are growing and keeping you accountable. If they aren’t, they should not be in your inner circle.

“Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, WITH THEM that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:22)


2. Challenge your friends!
This is something many never do because of fear, but why be afraid if the person wants to be in your life? Jesus had a rich, young ruler coming to him that seemed to have it all together. Jesus gave him one command, to sell his possessions and give it to the poor. However, the guy didn’t do it, and he went away sorrowful. What I find interesting about this is that Jesus never chased behind him. Too many of us are running behind people that God is not sending to us. If they aren’t willing to meet certain standards or to make any sacrifices, they aren’t willing to be in your life. If you are only valuable to them when it is convenient for them, that is not the will of God for your circle. Stop thinking you can’t push your friends to grow with you. If you aren’t doing so, you aren’t a good enough friend to them.
If I cannot tell you that you’re living beneath your purpose, I don’t love you. I should be able to genuinely say “get it together, you’re better than that” without it being taken as judgment. If you don’t have friends that do that, challenge them to challenge you. Pray for God to send people who will push you!

Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. (Proverbs 27:6)


3. Be willing to find friends that don’t look or think like you.
This may sound simple, but this is one of the hardest tasks for a person. We will always naturally gravitate to those who look or think like us. It doesn’t matter if it’s politics or sports; we will feel more at ease when the person we are conversing with has things in common with us. Like for me, I have a few friends that act just like me. We can laugh and joke literally all day. The problem with that though is they will have my same issues so they may not pull me out of my spiritual valley. It wasn’t until recently when I started making friends with people who are of different races, denominations, financial status, various cultures, etc. that I hadn’t seen some things with a clear perspective. That’s like me being a guy with a Jamaican background and not going out to eat a lot when I was younger. So now when my wife and I want to go out or friends invite us out to eat, I don’t even know what to pick. Not because I’m super picky, I’m just not familiar with a lot and in need of someone to expose me to it.
How much is God trying to show you, but you aren’t able to see because it looks unfamiliar? How many people has God sent your way to push you into purpose, but you ignored them for being too “churchy”, “different” or too “weird”? Jesus gave Ananias clear instructions on what to do in Paul’s conversion. However, he knew how Paul used to persecute the church. God had to take him out of his comfort zone in order for Paul to be delivered, because he was possibly afraid of the things Paul would do to him. People may not be used to you or you with them, but you need others in order for you to be who God called you to be.

But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel. (Acts 9:15 ESV)

Your environment will play a major role in determining your destiny. God wants to bless your life and it requires the right people on your team and the wrong people can delay that calling. Not only can they delay purpose, but bad company will corrupt good morals (1 Corinthians 15:33).
Grace and peace,
Tovares Grey

Stop Chasing Butterflies

I receive many questions from people who want to know how can they tell if someone is the one for them. We’ve made a YouTube video about the concept of “the one” and wrote a blog about knowing how you can tell if they’re the one for you, you should check it out if you haven’t already. However, it confuses me when someone says they’re with someone who’s amazing and loves God, treats them right, but something is missing.
“Well…. what’s missing?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t have those butterflies I’d expect to have.”

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)

Can I tell you something that you know, but can easily forget? Your feelings will destroy you. Your feelings will have you running back to relationships that God delivered you out of. Your feelings will have you running back to abusive relationships, because you’re focused on memories instead of reality. Your feelings will have you thinking it’s okay to to let your flesh take control, but you know in your heart what God is telling you to do.
DO NOT ALLOW SOCIAL MEDIA, FRIENDS OR TELEVISION TO TELL YOU WHAT TRUE LOVE IS.
If you want to know true love, look at the Bible’s definition of it (1 Corinthians 13). Too many expect life to be like Love and Basketball or The Notebook. All of these Disney and movie fantasies will have you ignoring your blessing that you’re praying about. Many people want a godly relationship, but when they have a godly person in their lives that’ll correct them when they’re falling or lukewarm, they take it as judgement. So you want a godly relationship, but you don’t want God? Some people claim they want true love, but they really just want someone they can post on social media. Just because all of your friends are dating or married, that doesn’t mean God is telling you to do the same.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being married, but I honestly believe many of us don’t understand that marriage is way more than we think. We have to understand that marriage is a ministry as well and God has to prepare us for it. I honestly believe our motives are what causes us to have our blessings delayed (read more about that here).

“(For we walk by faith, not by sight:)” 2 Corinthians 5:7

I’ve learned that we live in a generation of people that are driven by emotions (see Provers 30:12). We disregard the word of God, and we go by opinions instead of scripture. We don’t like correction, because our feelings are placed higher than God at times.

“There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.” (Proverbs‬ ‭30:12‬)

There are days when my marriage isn’t all sunshine and roses. I absolutely love my wife and our marriage is great (she said so as well, so don’t think I’m being dramatic lol). However, that does NOT mean we are happy every single waking moment of the day. There are some days when it’s like she can’t wait to hug me, and there are some times when I’m sure her hands just want to hug my neck. If we go by those days when there are no “butterflies”, we’d foolishly think God didn’t bring us together. When we don’t feel those “butterflies”, does that mean it’s time to jump ship? No. It’s time to keep cultivating our love so it doesn’t die out.
Does that mean I’m telling you to settle? NO, PLEASE DON’T SETTLE. I get butterflies when I’m around my wife still. But you have to understand feelings should not dictate your future. Pray regarding that person. If God gives you peace regarding them and He gives you confirmation to keeping the relationship, then don’t give up on them just because you don’t feel happy all the time.
Grace and peace.

Stumbled back into Lust? #NoLustNovember

Hey guys! Day 6, and I know some of you are absolutely amazing and you are just kicking your old lifestyle out and seeking Jesus like never before. However, I am realistic and I know this isn’t the case for all of us. Have you made a mistake since the month started? Have you looked at lustful images and didn’t turn away like you should have? Is that girl’s body still in your mind, bro? Is that handsome guy still playing with your mind and emotions, sis? Did that song, movie, or conversation stir lust back up into your heart? Did you go to their house again knowing it would lead to fornication?
 

Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly. (Proverbs 26:11 ESV)

 
It’s crazy that we look at the men and women in the bible as being such perfect believers and that must have been the reason God used them, right? Wrong, God used them because they depended on His Spirit. God didn’t use them because they had it all figured out. Paul is someone I reference a lot, because he was a great example on how to live (other than Jesus). However Paul mentioned that he had a weakness he wanted God to remove. God told him “no”. He was telling Paul that His grace was sufficient for him and He would help him overcome his issues (see 2 Corinthians 12:7-10). However, I want to draw your attention to Romans 7 (read all of it when you can). Paul mentions that the things he wants to do, he doesn’t do, but yet he finds himself doing things he doesn’t plan to do (Romans 7:15). Sounds familiar? Yes, because that is all of us serving Christ. We want to live pure and righteous lives, but we don’t at times. We want to hate sin at times, but yet we find ourselves falling into sin. Not only do we fall into sin, but we fall into the same one we repented of 831 times at the altar. However, I love how chapter 8 begins, because it stops focusing on our failures and points us to the solution – Jesus and His grace. You are not condemned. You are His. Don’t stay in your mess when Jesus died to free you.
 

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. (Romans 8:1)

 
I’m here to tell you that it is okay that you messed up. The only people who mess up are the ones who tried. You can only break a fast when you are fasting. You can only become weary when you have been fighting. Falling is inevitable, because you are human. But that is why we have the Holy Spirit, to guide us away from temptation and to restore us when we fall. Are your actions okay when you sin? Not at all. Is God pleased with your decision to turn back to your sin? No, He wasn’t pleased. But I am here to tell you that it is okay for you to get back up again. No way am I telling you to keep committing your sin, but you have to understand that God expects growth, but He is fully aware that we are human. There is grace for His children because we cannot do things on our own (Psalms 130:3). You don’t have to stay down just because you fell into the same mess. You can and you will overcome, in Jesus’ name. You won’t overcome on your own, but you will when you decide to turn away from those things and people that are toxic to your spiritual walk.
 

If thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand? But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared. (Psalms 130:3-4)

 
So for those who have fallen, and for those will fall tomorrow, please get back up again. Be sorrowful, be remorseful, be sincere in your repentance and get back up again. Take a break from social media if you must. Unfollow some accounts if you’re failing. End some relationships if you see the cycle is repeating and no boundaries are being followed. Because it is one thing for your relationship to make a mistake, but it is another when it is just not God’s will for your life (read more about that here). Please don’t quit, let’s keep growing!
Remember to stay engaged with us! How?
– By using the hashtag #NoLustNovember on your pictures, statuses or videos that you’ll use to encourage others.
– Sharing what God shared with you during your devotion.
– Sharing a quick video about overcoming lust or a testimony.
 
Pray Psalms 51 when you get the chance.
 
Grace and peace.

No Lust November

Welcome to the first day of #NoLustNovember! Everyone is familiar with “No Shave November”, but I wanted to do a weird twist on it and give Christians something they can relate to. This is a challenge for everyone to jump in on. I’ll be checking for this hashtag on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter and talking to you all so we all can hold one another accountable. 
Before you go any further, I have a blog on “Fighting Lust” that you can read here if you haven’t already. 

“There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.” (Proverbs‬ ‭30:12‬)


One of the most dangerous things a believer can do is assume that they have it all together. The Bible says to be careful when you think you’re standing firm because that is when you’ll fall (1 Corinthians 10:12).
Many Christians are under the impression that they cannot fall into sexual temptation. I used to be one of those. I would wonder how are people being so gullible and consistently falling into the same sin, but I realized with my own struggles that it wasn’t something as simple as I assumed. Then there are other Christians that believe they cannot break that cycle over their lives, but that’s because they aren’t properly following God and establishing boundaries. Understand this, falling into sexual sin is common. I am not saying this to justify anyone’s sinful lifestyle. I am saying that so you can know as a reader that you can overcome in Jesus’ name and you don’t have to keep hiding your weakness. God’s strength is made perfect in your weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Be willing to let go. 






But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. (Matthew 5:28-29)


When you talk about overcoming lust, many people target the symptoms rather than the real issue. So they’ll be willing to stop watching a certain show, but they won’t end the relationship. Or they will end the relationship, but they’ll still check up on the person. Sometimes we even overcome and then turn back to our filth. What I have realized is, Jesus isn’t a passive God. Jesus was so drastic in His teaching that many didn’t like Him and many turned away. If we aren’t willing to cut off what stimulates lust, are we tired of that lifestyle? No, we enjoy it but we don’t want its consequences. Sin never satisfies, it only pushes you to go further and further away from the presence of God. Are you disgusted with your sin yet? Ask God to remove those desires. Stop entertaining those desires and watch that sinful desire begin to fade out of your life. 
Be willing to examine your heart and take spiritual inventory. Some people shouldn’t still be in your life. Some shows shouldn’t still be on your tv. Some social media accounts should’ve been unfollowed months ago. Are you willing to let go of your past life to embrace what God has for you?




“But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.” (‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭2:9‬)


What are you going to choose today? Your porn or Jesus? Your fornicating/adulterous relationship or Jesus? Your ungodly friendships or Jesus? Your music that corrupts your heart or Jesus? Your feelings or Jesus? Your lust or Jesus? Your pride or Jesus? 





“For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water.” (Jeremiah‬ ‭2:13‬)


This scripture shows us that we as the people of God can easily backslide and choose things that can’t satisfy. The woman who met Jesus at the well was searching for Jesus, but she didn’t know it. No man could satisfy. She went from man to man and still never found true love until she met Jesus. That’s you and I. Searching for something to satisfy, and I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to choose lust anymore. 
So what do you say…….Challenge accepted? 
This journey is for everyone, but I don’t expect everyone to participate. If you desire more of God and less of that sinful cycle, then let’s get this party started! Jesus satisfies, trust me. Let’s not turn back. Forget what you did before starting this and let’s go back to the cross and the plan of God. 
What I need you to do!
1. Post a picture everyday with the hashtag #NoLustNovember so we can be engaged together! 
2. Post a verse, prayer, or your journal talking about what God is sharing with you on this challenge. 
3. Don’t judge anyone, just grow! 
4. Don’t quit WHEN you make a mistake. Not if! 
Grace and peace. 

What Happens if YOU Made the Mistakes?

Someone recently messaged us asking for a blog for those who did the hurting, the cheating, the lying etc. It really struck me that I have allowed too much time to pass without mentioning this. Why is it that we love to bash those who hurt us, but not point them to where they can go to grow? This may come as a surprise, but your ex deserves grace as well. They beat you up? Yeah they need grace as well. They cheated? They need grace as well. They dumped you after making you think they loved you? Yeah Jesus still loves them the very same way that He loves you. So this blog may not be for everyone, and I am sure that many who need this blog won’t even read it. But our goal is to help at least one person get restored back into who God designed them to be.
 
Here are 3 things to understand in regards to your past mistakes:
 
1. It does not define you.
Let me tell you something you already know: The devil does an amazing job at making us feel condemned. We all should feel remorse when we fall into sin and disobey God, but that should never define us. I am who God says I am, even if I am still struggling. You may have cheated, that doesn’t mean God won’t forgive you and help you next time. You may have fallen into sin, that doesn’t mean God sees you as a fornicator, liar, thief, etc. There is a difference between someone who fell into sin and someone who deliberately lives a life of sin. Are you seeking God for growth and change? Then good, keep growing. If you aren’t, then yeah you might need to stop playing ignorant to your struggles.
 
One thing I really love about the Bible is it doesn’t set an unrealistic standard on us. God showed us that He can forgive the messiest people, use the most ignorant people and not once does he mention that we have no hope because of a weakness. He shows us that He can help us in our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:7-9). David was known in the bible as a man after God’s own heart, but David also did some things that no Christian should ever be doing. God could have easily condemned him, but David repented and continued to follow Jesus. That is what you need to do. Stop allowing your past to define you and allow it to push you to God for healing and restoration.
 

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalms 51:10)

 
 
2. People will still talk, but you have to choose to ignore them.
One thing you must realize, if you haven’t already, is that sin has consequences. You may repent and receive God’s forgiveness, but some people will always view you as your past. Some people may never trust you when they know you always lied in the past. Your relationship may have no trust for awhile since you cheated in the past. Your walk with God can be on fire, but people will still remember how you had a baby out of wed-lock. Are people evil to see these things? No, but people aren’t perfect and we tend to focus on the negative very often. Should that hinder your walk with God? NO! After David sinned, you really would have expected him to leave his walk with God. He could have turned away. I know my shame would have been overwhelming, but he repented. He didn’t allow Nathan’s correction to cause him to run away in shame; he decided to get back on track. That is what you need to do if you fell. Get back up!
 
It is sad that we can sometimes receive the most judgment from people in the church. Sometimes that may be the only place you can go to gain some form of peace, but it does happen that you can be mistreated in the church. But that is not an excuse to leave the house of God. That just shows you how much we desperately need God in our lives. I remember being accused of doing something one day. People disowned me, talked bad about me and even told others to stay away from me and that was all because of a rumor that they heard. When they found out it wasn’t true or when they realized I didn’t let it push me away from God, many of them tried to become my friend again. I had resentment at first, but then I realized that I still had to show love to the people who treated me like an enemy. So God allowed that to show me their true colors, He showed me that I needed to guard my circle better and He showed me that I need to have boundaries so I do not place myself in situations that can lead to sin. Just like I allowed God to work on me, you have to do the same.
 

When a man’s ways please the Lord, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him. (Proverbs 16:7)

 
 
3. God can use your mistakes for His glory.
God chooses imperfect people every single day. We can go through almost every single book in the bible and find someone who wasn’t perfect, but had a relationship with God. The bible makes it clear to us that God didn’t choose us because we are perfect, but He perfects us into His image because He has called us into a relationship with Him.
Creating a page called “GodlyDating101” was never on my agenda. Let me be the first to tell you that there are days I just want to end it all, stop answering messages, ignore the prayer requests and just stop this ministry. Then I realize this page is not and has never been about me. There are hundreds, maybe thousands of people that message us just to say “thank you” and how this page has helped them. I may never be perfect, but God is using this ministry to develop other believers into His image. My goal isn’t to live a righteous life just because I have a ministry, but to protect what God entrusts me with. But I do know that no matter how messy my past has been and how I may fall tomorrow, God is the one who orchestrated this to encourage others. Please understand you cannot stay down in your sin, you have to get back up and let God use you. There is someone out there that is waiting on your obedience to God.
 

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand. (Psalms 37:23-24)

 
 
If you are a person that has felt like there is no hope after how you have treated someone, I just want you to know that there is grace in Jesus. God can restore you. You can get it right next time. God can break that cycle in your life. Get back up again and keep seeking God.
 
Grace and peace.

They Stole My Wo/man

“We were supposed to be friends.”
“S/he betrayed me. I hate how they just up and left me like that.”
“He’s supposed to be a man of God, so why did he run after another woman like that?”
“She made me think she was a godly woman, but she just left me for another guy. I don’t get it.”
 
I get frustrated messages all of the time about people who recently broke up with someone. Not only did they experience a breakup, but sometimes they were left for someone else. I try to hear them out every time, because they are genuinely hurting. Sometimes, it is clear as day that they dodged a bullet and God was the one protecting them from going any further in that relationship. Sometimes, God allows it to end in a rough way, and I believe that can be the only way for some people to actually move on. Is it God’s will for His children to be hurt and heartbroken? Not at all. But sometimes we never hear God’s voice until we experience pain and certain things in our lives are removed (see Isaiah 6:1). But I’m a firm believer that God gives us free-will, and we choose to entertain the wrong people too often.
 
So let’s get into this topic really fast with five points I want you to understand:
 
1. No one can “steal” your man/woman.
Okay I know Trey Songz likes to call himself “Mr. Steal Yo Girl”, but he needs to go sit down somewhere. No one can steal your man or woman away. Why?

  1. They do not belong to you, they belong to Christ. There is no ownership at all over them, even when you two are married. The circumstances are a little different in marriage, yes, but you do not own anyone.
  2. If someone can take them away, their heart was never fully committed to you.
  3. What God has for you, is for you.

I think we get so hung up on the heartbreak that we are just trying to find someone to blame. But the bible clearly shows us that God is able to bless everyone, so He would not send something He has planned for you to someone else. God’s will for your life is not attached to those who left you. The heartbreak always feels devastating because what we planned fell through. However, you will find peace and restoration in the presence of God if you focus on Him, instead of on the hurt (see Isaiah 26:3).
 

For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. (Psalms 84:11)

 
2. Their actions doesn’t define your worth.
It’s so easy for us to look on ourselves and start saying how ugly, boring, foolish or weird we are. Am I even funny? Was she faking this entire time? Was he only after my body? The list can go on, but that list has to be stopped. You need to find your worth in Jesus and what He did on the cross, not in a relationship. Which is why I so often tell people to find their worth in Christ before dating, because that will prevent you from idolizing them. When you know who you are in Christ, you won’t have to compete for anyone’s love or affection. You will know that you are loved because you are perfect in God’s image and who He has for you will be blessed to have you in their lives.
Please understand this, they had a choice. Even if you pushed them away with nagging, disrespect or any other annoying behavior. Am I saying they should stay and tolerate nonsense? Not at all, but the mature and godly thing to do is to talk about it, try to get through it and end the relationship if they don’t like how you are acting. If they cheated, that was their choice, not your fault. If they left, that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love. If they mistreated you, that doesn’t mean someone else will never respect and cherish you. Their loss! Learn from the hurt instead of being consumed by it. Jesus still loves you and has great plans for you.
 

But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light: (1 Peter 2:9)

 
3. Stop hating the person that they turned to.
Probably the hardest point to talk about, because it is a natural instinct to call them a “home-wrecker” and say how evil they are.
“Ewwww. This boy downgraded with that ugly girl.”
“HA! Her new man is so whack, forget them both.”
“They could never find a better replacement! They both can go to H.. for all I care.”
Don’t sit and pretend this doesn’t happen, even in the church. Some people are genuinely harboring hatred in their hearts, but I know God wants to heal you from that. And I know He will if you let Him. I mean really, why be mad? If they would cheat on you with them, they will cheat on them with someone else. If someone will boast about “stealing your wo/man”, then that is a clear sign of an insecurity they have. Pray for them. Whether they were aware of them being in a relationship or not, the bible says to love and to do good to those who mistreat you. Please do not allow hatred to consume you, overcome evil will love.

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; (Matthew 5:44)

 
4. Some people were never committed to you, you thought they were.
This is a sad reality many of us have to understand. You thought they cheated, but in reality they were never dating you. Maybe you were dating them, but they never showed you they wanted to be exclusive, faithful to you or God, and they may have went along with it due to the benefits. I mean really, you post about them day and night, yet they don’t talk about you. Or they tell you keep it a “secret”. Every relationship should be private, but if they want to keep you a secret, it is clear that their intentions aren’t to commit. We have to stop trying to pressure people into relationships with us. If you have to force it, it is not the will of God. When God brings you two together, then it will flow.
Some people aren’t committed to you, they are committed to what they can get from you. Many of you are in lustful relationships, but you stay because you believe that is the only way to receive love. The moment you would be brave enough to say “ no” and tell you them want to take your walk with God seriously, they will leave. They never loved you, they loved the access you gave to your body, finances, gifts, etc. If you ever told some of the people you were dating that you are tired of the relationship being lukewarm, you’d see some of them would leave. They aren’t committed to God; they are just trying to get you minus Christ. So how can they commit to you and not your God? You have to make your standards clear and express exactly what it is that you expect from the relationship. If Christ and marriage isn’t the goal, do not waste your time.
 

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3)

 
5. It may hurt, but God can never bring His will while we still entertain the person He didn’t send.
There are times in our lives when we try to ignore God’s warning signs because we want the relationship to work. They continually cheat, abuse, belittle, and pull you away from Jesus, but we don’t want to let go because we are afraid to start over. It’s okay to admit that you were wrong. Staying outside of God’s will just because you have invested a lot of time, money, energy or plans into them does not help bring you peace or love. It would be foolish to think an ungodly relationship would have eventually become godly if you were with someone that doesn’t try to grow with you.
Please understand that sometimes God calls us to places that exclude the people we want to keep on the journey. Elevation can require separation from people and habits, but it is always worth it to get what God has for you. Seasonal people do not deserve permanent positions in your life just because you have a few good memories. Learn to let go when you know God is telling you to let go.
 

Then Abraham said to his young men, “Stay here with the donkey; I and the boy will go over there and worship and come again to you.” (Genesis 22:5 ESV)

 
I pray this will help someone who is currently experiencing this. I pray for the married couples currently going through this, because I know it is harder for you. We also have a blog with 3 tips to get over an ex, please read that here.
 
Grace and peace.

Called to Singleness?

This blog is long overdue! One too many people have been frustrated with God because He has not met their desires when or how they expected Him to. Many are now in their 30s, 40s, 50s and even older and still message us saying “I really don’t understand if I am missing something. I turn down bad relationships all of the time. I honor Christ with my body and I do my best to stay focused on Him. But I want a wo/man, doesn’t the bible say God will give us the desires of our heart?” And yes, I have received this concern from all age groups, genders, countries, etc. I used to think some people were honestly being impatient and “needy”. But is that always the case? Nope. Some people just have good desires that won’t be met, or they will be and they just have to learn to trust the journey.
 
Here are 4 things I want you to grasp about this topic:
 
1 Just because you want to get married, that does not mean a spouse is owed to you.
 
I believe many people can twist the scriptures so much that they no longer serve God, but they serve their idea of God. I say that because it is so easy to find a bible verse that sounds good, so we try to apply it to our lives without knowing its context or understanding what God was actually trying to say. I literally received a comment from someone that said “We all were created for marriage, and the bible says the woman was created for man.” I didn’t even bother arguing with them or getting into some form of biblical debate, because everyone has the right to their own opinion. Even when they are wrong. We are created for God and to give Him glory. Yes, the bible mentions that God brought Eve into the picture because it was not good for Adam to be alone, but that does not mean every woman born on this earth needs to be married in order to have a purpose. Just because God did not see it fit for Adam to be alone, that does not mean that every man on earth needs a wife before he can do the will of God for his life.
 
“Well the bible says in Psalms 37:4 that if we delight ourselves in God then He will give us the desires of our hearts”. Yes, it does say that, but it does not say everything that we desire is owed to us. Neither does it say that every good desire in our hearts is God’s desire for us. When you delight in Jesus, you begin to desire more of Him and you begin to desire what He wants you to have. So while you are there spending time with Jesus, He will begin to rearrange some mentalities, habits, actions that you have/struggle with and He will mold you into His image. What if it is His plan for you to be single? So many people are not content, but they believe a spouse will fill that void. That will never happen because a spouse should add to our life, not be your goal in life. Jesus is the only One able to fill the void in our hearts.
 

Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. (Psalms 37:4)

 
2 – Some people are called to singleness.
 
I figured I might as well tackle this topic at some point, because some people really do not think it is possible for this to happen. In the scriptures, there were people that were not meant to be married. Those were the eunuchs. Of course, I am not advocating to having any man castrated or forcing people to remain single. Times have changed, and that is a bit extreme if you ask me. However, if you don’t mind reading Matthew 19:1-12 really quickly you’ll see what I am about to refer to. Jesus was asked about divorce by some clowns, I mean Pharisees, and He dropped the truth on them like a BOSS! Marriage is God’s design, and the two become one flesh that way. They asked so why did Moses allow divorce then, clearly trying to start drama. Jesus told them because of your “hardened hearts”, Moses allowed that to happen. God’s plan is never divorce, and He goes into a little more detail, but I want you to go and read that really fast! Back to my point, Jesus said in verse 12 that some were born eunuchs, some were forced into it, and others chose that lifestyle for Heaven’s sake. I could possibly be wrong, but this is only my opinion on what He was stating: Jesus wasn’t saying some castrated themselves to glorify God. Rather, He was saying some abstained from marriage and sex in order for their lives to be fully dedicated to God. It is possible to be alive and not desire marriage or sex. Don’t feel inferior or weird if that is you. Use your life for His glory. I believe it is also possible that some may desire marriage, but they can be more effective for God while single. Which is why marriage will always be a great desire, but being single is not something you should just shun the very thought of.
 
Paul was a man that literally changed the world for Jesus. He was so on fire for Christ that he could send a handkerchief and it would heal the person when it reached them (see Acts 19:11-12). However, in all of the great things this man did for Christ, he did something that many refuse to believe is God’s will: he stayed single. Whether Paul was always single, divorced or widowed is beside the point. He said that he recommends for Christians to remain single like he was (1 Corinthians 7:6-8). Of course he was not saying everyone should be single and celibate, because that will mean there is no way to repopulate God’s earth. However, he was showing us that there is so much you can do for God when you are single. If you have the desire to be married, that is a good desire, just be sure that you are willing to serve God with your heart whether single or married.
 

For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. (1 Corinthians 7:7)

 
3 – Your motives can be the reason why you are still single.
 
In the era of social media, everyone feels like they are missing something. You follow that dream couple and you wish you could be like them. You are constantly told by friends and family that you need to hurry up and get married. People begin to question your sexuality, your character and everything else about you. Sometimes it feels like the best thing to do is to just rush a relationship. However, seeking something God does not want us to have or rushing into something because we do not want to feel left out will only lead to pain, stress or sin. I have reached a point in my life where, I only want what God has for me. Waiting sucks, we all know that. But what good is it to be married and you end up walking out of God’s will in the process?
 
I didn’t get into too much detail because we already wrote a blog on how our motives often times delay God’s plan for our lives. Click here to read that full blog that will get more into why motives are a reason some will never be married, or it will simply be a very long time before they do.
 

You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. (James 4:2-3)

 
4 – If you aren’t faithful to Christ in your single season, you will still be inconsistent when you’re married.
 
Some people amaze me at how much they love the idea of marriage, but not the idea of being the bride of Christ. That isn’t to sound judgmental, but we really need to check our hearts. Do you really think that marriage is the time to start living spiritual? No, singleness is the time to develop your walk with God. If I struggle with lust while dating, I will struggle while married. If I am rude while dating, I will be rude when I am married. If I can’t budget and I spend all of my money shopping, I will simply lead my marriage into bankruptcy. Too many people are focused on finding “the one”, instead of becoming the one. I know firsthand that all of my issues before marriage are still issues now unless I address them, learn from them and depend on Jesus for growth.
 
Not only that, but we must have our own walk with God. Please do not think a “godly relationship” is a substitute for an actual relationship with God. You want a godly spouse? Live a godly life. You want to prove that you are “marriage material”? Start developing yourself as a Christian and mature adult so that you will actually be ready for this marriage that you are prepared for. Some people are single because they cannot be trusted in a relationship. If we are inconsistent with God, we will only love someone else conditionally. If we are not faithful to Him despite His love and grace towards us, we will struggle with the person we are dating. We all mess up, but a consistently growing relationship with God will help you to love others.
 

But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. (James 1:6-8)

 
Grace and peace.