3 Tips to Getting Over an Ex

One of the most common questions/concerns I get in my inbox are typically along these lines: “I was dating someone for a few years and we just broke up…”, “How do I get over my ex?”, and the very frequent “I didn’t mind him/her saying let’s take a break to focus on God, but two weeks later they’re seeing someone else.” 
 
Getting over an ex is not easy, because there is no “on/off” switch to love or how we feel. However, there are a few tips to actually recovering from that breakup.  
 

Spend time with God. 


It will never make sense to me when someone says they can’t get over an ex, but they aren’t spending time with God. If you are spending all of your time reminiscing over pictures and going down memory lane, your heart will always be in that state of brokenness. In the presence of God, there is fulness of joy (Psalms 16:11), there is liberty (2 Corinthians 3:17), and there is peace (Isaiah 26:3). Of course the list goes on, there is so much we find by seeking God. 
Being in God’s presence places our lives into perspective. In Isaiah 6, the Bible shows us that the prophet Isaiah saw God in the year of the king’s death. Isaiah was a man of God, but in God’s presence realized just how unclean and lost he was without God. However, the part that gets to me is that he didn’t really see that much of God until someone died. Meaning, if the king was still alive, maybe he would’ve never noticed how big God really is. It wasn’t until king Uzziah was removed that Isaiah could have this experience. 
Sometimes God has to remove a person out of our lives for us to see Him for who He is. Sometimes we never notice that Jesus is the most important thing to happen to us until He is all we have left. Relationships easily becomes idols in our lives when we don’t keep things into proper perspective. 
Your worth is not in someone or something you can lose, your value is in Jesus Christ. Your identity is not in your ex, spouse, degree, etc., it is only found in Jesus. Until you learn to find purpose in Jesus, you’ll continue seeking it from others.  
“In the year that king Uzziah died I saw also the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and his train filled the temple.” (‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭6:1‬)
 

Stop seeking closure/an apology. 


One of the worse things we can do is to only trust God when things go our way. Meaning, it is very easy to love God when He gives the desires of your heart, but will we still obey if He removes that person? To love is to be vulnerable. We trust someone and that gives them the power to hurt us. Is it God’s plan for us to be hurt? No. Is it God’s plan for you to get cheated on or abused? No, and it never will be. However, God allows things to work together for our good; it’s just a matter of will you trust Him?  
Does God restore broken relationships? YES! 
I’m currently engaged to be married, all glory to God because she’s pretty amazing, and I tried to pursue her once before around 2011. It didn’t work out. Thankfully, it didn’t end on bad terms. The timing was just off, so it didn’t happen. I’m glad it didn’t though because I was clueless on how to be in a serious relationship (it’s not even easy now), all of this is a learning experience that Jesus has to help us through. So God protected her from my immaturity, selfishness, etc. and allowed us both to just focus on His plan. She finished school and I ended up joining the military and finishing school here now. I wouldn’t say God didn’t open that door so we could get degrees first, but He didn’t let us get what we desired because His plans were better than ours. So I understand that God can mend broken relationships, just stay focused on Him and let Him do the mending, not your emotions. We should be sure God is the one who led us back to an ex, not loneliness. 
Does God restore all broken relationships? NO! 
Many people ask me daily, will God send back my ex (this is after mentioning a relationship that doesn’t appear to have had God as the focus), and all I can do is simply think is, “why do you even want them back?” Of course I wouldn’t say that, because we all sometimes are addicted to what’s destroying us. My point is, most times relationships end because they weren’t ever in God’s plan to begin with. If you tell me that they are only after sex, in my opinion, God didn’t send them. If they only want they can get from you, they don’t love you. If they’re willing to drop you whenever they’re bored or there is an argument, that was NEVER love to begin with. 
Sometimes you have to learn that some relationships are temporary and you only hurt yourself when you refuse to let go. We will outgrow some people that come into our lives, and that is okay. Some people only pretended to love God to get your attention, but you can’t become lukewarm to keep them. If you have to sin to get them, you’ll have to continue compromising to keep them. 
Why do we as humans hurt others? Not because we are cruel, but because of sin. So we have to show grace to those who hurt us, but we also have to realize when God is the one who delivered us from a relationship.  
 
“There are many devices in a man’s heart; nevertheless the counsel of the Lord, that shall stand.” (Proverbs‬ ‭19:21‬)

Stop checking on their every move.


I’m not saying you have to delete numbers and unfollow someone if you two stop dating, but you have to give yourself space to heal. Trying to figure out why they chose someone else will hurt you. Checking their page to see if they’re miserable shows you’re not healed. If they’re happy, you’ll only feel jealousy or anger. Unplug from social media, stop reminiscing daily and then just sit in God’s presence. They’re doing just fine, pray for them and move forward. 
Can you imagine how much we work against God when we pray, “God please give me the strength to get through this breakup”, then turn around and check your ex’s page (or their families so you can be more “discrete”)? We are basically slowing down what God wants to do. It is not God’s will for you to be bitter. 
“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” (‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭26:3‬)
If you took none of my advice, please hear this part: God will not remove anything from your life if He wasn’t protecting you, or giving you better. Trust God’s plan. Sometimes we orchestrate our own life and then bring it to God as if He should cosign to our emotional/spiritual downfall. God knows best, just learn to trust and obey. 
Grace and peace,
Tovares Grey

Marriage Mentality 

A few weeks ago I captioned this on a photo I shared of my fiancé and I on social media and this rings to be so very true.
“One thing I’ve learned about being in a serious relationship and soon to be marriage is that relationships will magnify all your character flaws and character imperfections and force you to deal with them. It’s up to you whether or not you choose to deal with them in a way that makes you a better spouse, a better person overall, and a better child of God. If you aren’t ready for that reality then I suggest you not get married. Marriage is supposed to glorify God when the two very different people work together and become one. And that “becoming one” will not be easy. It takes work, and a dedication that when your relationship/marriage is in a season of not being so sunny (because that time will come), you will weather through the storm. And Mr. Grey we’re not married yet but I’m ready to ride with you through every season this marriage will bring. As long as God is at the center of this relationship I know we’ll be just fine. I pray in advanced that we glorify God with this marriage. I already cover it under the blood of Jesus! But Im gonna stop before this turns into my wedding vows lol. I love you”
Proverbs 3:6 (KJV) In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
– Safa Walker
 

100 Days until Forever

Prelude
I think it’s important that as followers of Christ, we have some extent of transparency so that our experiences and the lessons we learn from them, can be used to encourage others to live for and to wait on God. The ultimate goal here is that He gets the glory through the story, but how can He if we keep our experiences to ourselves? So as Tovares and I, go on this journey in transition from singleness into the ministry of marriage, I’ll share what I’ve learned and have experienced so far in hopes that it will be a blessing to someone and also encourage you to wait on God.
For a backdrop on our journey together before you continue, feel free to visit our wedding website www.weddingwire.com/sailingwiththegreys
100 More Days till Forever
I still can’t believe I am getting married. Like when did this become my reality. Because it feels like one day I just closed my eyes, wasn’t looking for anyone, was solely focused on my education and my relationship with God and then I opened them to find a Godly man kneeling down in front of me asking if I would do him the honors of standing by his side for the rest of our lives. At least that’s how fast it felt like it happened. I wasn’t looking for him but he found me and I’m convinced that this was orchestrated by God…
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Prov. 18:22
Stay tuned on our journey towards marriage, God bless 🙂