Fear of Singleness

In society today, we see that everyone is hyped over being in relationships, getting married or starting families. None of those are bad goals. However, those should not be our only goals. I have come to notice something very scary in the church: people want a “godly relationship” more than they want God. People want to get married more than they want to be the bride of Christ. We are investing so much in finding “the one” God has for us, instead of passionately pursuing The One who made us. The bible tells us to seek God’s kingdom and His righteousness first. When we put God first, He adds the things we need in our lives (Matthew 6:33).
Don’t rush through these questions I’m about to ask you. I want you to meditate on these over time and see if you love Jesus as much as you say do.

  1. Is God really enough for me?
  2. Am I only praying for a spouse when I do decide to pray?
  3. If I didn’t get married, would I have resentment in my heart towards God?
  4. Do I spend time with God by myself without depending on a relationship in order to grow?
  5. Am I even getting myself ready for marriage? Or am I just desiring something because others look happy on social media?

“But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:14)

The woman at the well is a clear example of the majority of us in our spiritual walk. We are empty. We can shout, dance and appear happy all day long. However, many of us are putting on a show to hide our inner pain or loneliness. You see, Christianity is more than how high we can jump in church, but how straight we can walk when the service is over. It’s okay to be a work in progress. It’s okay to admit that we don’t know what we are doing. It’s perfectly fine to stop what you are doing and just ask Jesus to help you. Please understand this, Jesus said His grace is sufficient for our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). The woman at the well shows me that no matter how many relationships we get into, no person will be enough to fill the void in our hearts that is meant for God. We have some strange notion that a relationship will complete us, and when it fails we run off to the next person to make us “happy”. Marriage is designed to draw us closer to God’s standard of holiness rather than towards earthly “happiness”.

For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water. (Jeremiah 2:13)

Many of us are currently jumping from person to person looking for love, peace, acceptance, and healing. Please stop expecting people to give that to you, you have to get that from Jesus. We have people in the church today that are afraid of being single. This may not be ideal to say and some people will be upset, but it is impossible for every single person to be married. There is not a perfect 1:1 man to woman ratio, so that alone should show us that God will allow some to be single. Not only will God call some to be single and use them for ministry (like how Paul dedicated his life to his ministry after being saved), but some people will never be married because they never allowed God to heal and prepare them. If you carry the bricks from past relationships to a new one, you will always build the same house. God wants to deliver you from the baggage you’re carrying. God wants His children to spend alone time with Him. If all of your time is spent with a new person, you will always find your identity and worth in people, rather than in Christ. When you find your worth in a person outside of Christ, it will fail and we will end up heartbroken. Yes, God will mend the broken pieces of our heart, but why put yourself through that? Place your heart in God’s hand and allow Him to place it in the hands of someone seeking Him. If you continue making decisions on your own, this toxic cycle will never end. 

“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

This blog is mainly for those who don’t know how to be single or think they must be outside of God’s will if they are single. Many people trust God with everything except with their “love life”. Stop picking and choosing the areas of your life you’ll submit to Christ. Allow God to lead you instead of emotions or loneliness. Until you learn to be content alone with Christ, you’ll never know if you’re with someone because it’s God’s plan or if you’re just afraid of being alone.

“For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power:” (Colossians 2:9-10)

Grace and peace,
Tovares Grey

I Love Jesus, but I'm Depressed

You know what I’ve come to learn about many people in the church? We can easily misinterpret things because of our own convictions or emotions. It’s true because of how I feel. You hear more comments like “well, I think”, “I don’t think the bible was implying this, I believe it was suggesting….” or more comments like that. However, no one is saying what the bible says, just what they think or feel.
“There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.”‭‭ (Proverbs‬ ‭14:12‬)
I’ve also noticed that some people don’t understand the dynamics of spiritual warfare whatsoever, so they consider anything positive a blessing from God and everything negative the devil. That would be complete nonsense for us to believe the devil has so much power. Jesus said that ALL power was given to Him (Matthew 28:18), so the devil has no power over us. It is possible to be blessed and not have much. Blessings aren’t in possessions. It is possible to be cursed and have everything you want. We cannot say God is on our side because things are going our way. God does not change based off of our seasons (Hebrews 13:8). So in some parts of the church, we see there are some believers that really don’t understand that spiritual warfare is necessary and they are living based off emotions.
Then there are other believers that tend to “over-spiritualize” everything:
“Don’t claim that spirit, depression is of the devil!”
“You don’t have mental health issues, that’s the enemy coming against your mind!”
“The reason you’re in that season that you are in is because you have been in sin…. God must be teaching you a lesson.”
Those are just a few statements I’ve heard. Sadly, I must admit I used to say and believe things like this. I say it’s sad because I know now how we as Christians can be both ignorant and/or insensitive to the battles others are facing…. Until we are in those shoes.
And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? (Matthew 27:46)
Now before you misinterpret where I am headed with this, just follow me. This verse is not to say Jesus was depressed. However, there are many believers that found themselves afraid, sad, depressed, suicidal, lonely, distressed, overwhelmed etc. There are points in our lives when we are doing no wrong yet we are feeling burdened. Which goes to show us, “bad things” don’t always happen to us because we are living in sin. Yes, sin has destructive outcomes, but righteousness can have negative consequences. People are killed for their faith daily. Moses was leading the people as God commanded, yet they only stressed him out (Exodus 32:19). Elijah was a mighty man of God, yet reached a point where he just wanted to die; maybe he even had a few suicidal thoughts pass his mind (1 Kings 19:4). David was a man after God’s heart, yet he found himself in very low points and feeling away from God (Psalms 13).
If you feel alone, just know that this season will pass. It is a season, God has not forgotten you. I used to think “weak-minded” Christians are the ones that experience depression or anxiety. Now I know that we are still human and susceptible to weakness. However, weak moments are some of the most spiritually enriching moments. Jesus said that His grace was sufficient for our weakness and that His strength  is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). You don’t have to feel ashamed to be broken. Jesus will mend the broken pieces of your heart, but you have to be bold enough to seek His presence (Hebrews 4:16). If you are depressed over someone who left, understand that God’s plan for your life is not attached to someone He removed from your life. If you are down about what you don’t have, please understand that God can supply all of your needs (Philippians 4:19). If you don’t have a reason and this season just comes often, please understand that God is able to to deliver again and again and again and again.
I still firmly believe that many of us are misunderstanding the power of God at times. God is a healer. God is a deliverer. I refuse to believe that God is able to come to earth as a man, die, and rise back up again, only to have SOME power. Jesus said that ALL power is in His hand (Matthew 28:18). So no, you can’t medicate a demonic spirit. Some sicknesses and mental issues are spiritual attacks. I know many may not believe that, but you cannot believe in Jesus and the Bible, yet fail to realize there is a devil and he comes to destroy us (Ephesians 6:10-12). That is why Jesus said that He will give us power over the adversary (Mark 16:16-18), because He knows that we will have to bind demonic spirits through His name.
I’ve been in many circumstances where I have seen demonic spirits manifest in someone’s life. Either someone else casted it out of their body, or I had to. Many think that stuff only happened in the bible, but the bible said these signs will follow us as believers. You may have certain spirits plaguing your mind, cast them out by speaking truth. I’ve seen many people come to me out of depression and I have to talk them out of suicide or something else very dangerous. When God said He was giving us power, it was so we could rise above the enemy’s plan and do His will (Acts 1:8).
10 Verses to memorize and quote when you’re going through depression:
  1. Psalm 42:5 & 11
  2. Psalms 34:1
  3. Philippians 4:8
  4. Deuteronomy 31:8
  5. Psalms 34:17
  6. Psalms 40:1-3
  7. 1 Peter 5:7
  8. John 16:33
  9. Isaiah 41:10
  10. Jeremiah 32:17

Of course, depression doesn’t leave overnight. I remember going through the lowest point in my life, because I was ostracized over a rumor. The only people I could trust were family and a few friends. It didn’t make sense to me because everyone that cut me off were so close to me. David said that he could understand if his enemies hated him, but being hurt by church family can be overwhelming (Psalms 55:12). The trick of the devil though is to allow you to isolate yourself from people, he wants you to shut down so you can become an easy target. However, when you feel the most alone is when you need to seek God the most. Have a spiritual leader to lean on and help strengthen you. When you feel no one understands, that is when you need to learn to express yourself instead of assuming that no one cares. I’m praying for all of you who may struggle with this.
Grace and peace,

Tovares Grey