What Happens if YOU Made the Mistakes?

Someone recently messaged us asking for a blog for those who did the hurting, the cheating, the lying etc. It really struck me that I have allowed too much time to pass without mentioning this. Why is it that we love to bash those who hurt us, but not point them to where they can go to grow? This may come as a surprise, but your ex deserves grace as well. They beat you up? Yeah they need grace as well. They cheated? They need grace as well. They dumped you after making you think they loved you? Yeah Jesus still loves them the very same way that He loves you. So this blog may not be for everyone, and I am sure that many who need this blog won’t even read it. But our goal is to help at least one person get restored back into who God designed them to be.
 
Here are 3 things to understand in regards to your past mistakes:
 
1. It does not define you.
Let me tell you something you already know: The devil does an amazing job at making us feel condemned. We all should feel remorse when we fall into sin and disobey God, but that should never define us. I am who God says I am, even if I am still struggling. You may have cheated, that doesn’t mean God won’t forgive you and help you next time. You may have fallen into sin, that doesn’t mean God sees you as a fornicator, liar, thief, etc. There is a difference between someone who fell into sin and someone who deliberately lives a life of sin. Are you seeking God for growth and change? Then good, keep growing. If you aren’t, then yeah you might need to stop playing ignorant to your struggles.
 
One thing I really love about the Bible is it doesn’t set an unrealistic standard on us. God showed us that He can forgive the messiest people, use the most ignorant people and not once does he mention that we have no hope because of a weakness. He shows us that He can help us in our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:7-9). David was known in the bible as a man after God’s own heart, but David also did some things that no Christian should ever be doing. God could have easily condemned him, but David repented and continued to follow Jesus. That is what you need to do. Stop allowing your past to define you and allow it to push you to God for healing and restoration.
 

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalms 51:10)

 
 
2. People will still talk, but you have to choose to ignore them.
One thing you must realize, if you haven’t already, is that sin has consequences. You may repent and receive God’s forgiveness, but some people will always view you as your past. Some people may never trust you when they know you always lied in the past. Your relationship may have no trust for awhile since you cheated in the past. Your walk with God can be on fire, but people will still remember how you had a baby out of wed-lock. Are people evil to see these things? No, but people aren’t perfect and we tend to focus on the negative very often. Should that hinder your walk with God? NO! After David sinned, you really would have expected him to leave his walk with God. He could have turned away. I know my shame would have been overwhelming, but he repented. He didn’t allow Nathan’s correction to cause him to run away in shame; he decided to get back on track. That is what you need to do if you fell. Get back up!
 
It is sad that we can sometimes receive the most judgment from people in the church. Sometimes that may be the only place you can go to gain some form of peace, but it does happen that you can be mistreated in the church. But that is not an excuse to leave the house of God. That just shows you how much we desperately need God in our lives. I remember being accused of doing something one day. People disowned me, talked bad about me and even told others to stay away from me and that was all because of a rumor that they heard. When they found out it wasn’t true or when they realized I didn’t let it push me away from God, many of them tried to become my friend again. I had resentment at first, but then I realized that I still had to show love to the people who treated me like an enemy. So God allowed that to show me their true colors, He showed me that I needed to guard my circle better and He showed me that I need to have boundaries so I do not place myself in situations that can lead to sin. Just like I allowed God to work on me, you have to do the same.
 

When a man’s ways please the Lord, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him. (Proverbs 16:7)

 
 
3. God can use your mistakes for His glory.
God chooses imperfect people every single day. We can go through almost every single book in the bible and find someone who wasn’t perfect, but had a relationship with God. The bible makes it clear to us that God didn’t choose us because we are perfect, but He perfects us into His image because He has called us into a relationship with Him.
Creating a page called “GodlyDating101” was never on my agenda. Let me be the first to tell you that there are days I just want to end it all, stop answering messages, ignore the prayer requests and just stop this ministry. Then I realize this page is not and has never been about me. There are hundreds, maybe thousands of people that message us just to say “thank you” and how this page has helped them. I may never be perfect, but God is using this ministry to develop other believers into His image. My goal isn’t to live a righteous life just because I have a ministry, but to protect what God entrusts me with. But I do know that no matter how messy my past has been and how I may fall tomorrow, God is the one who orchestrated this to encourage others. Please understand you cannot stay down in your sin, you have to get back up and let God use you. There is someone out there that is waiting on your obedience to God.
 

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand. (Psalms 37:23-24)

 
 
If you are a person that has felt like there is no hope after how you have treated someone, I just want you to know that there is grace in Jesus. God can restore you. You can get it right next time. God can break that cycle in your life. Get back up again and keep seeking God.
 
Grace and peace.

They Stole My Wo/man

“We were supposed to be friends.”
“S/he betrayed me. I hate how they just up and left me like that.”
“He’s supposed to be a man of God, so why did he run after another woman like that?”
“She made me think she was a godly woman, but she just left me for another guy. I don’t get it.”
 
I get frustrated messages all of the time about people who recently broke up with someone. Not only did they experience a breakup, but sometimes they were left for someone else. I try to hear them out every time, because they are genuinely hurting. Sometimes, it is clear as day that they dodged a bullet and God was the one protecting them from going any further in that relationship. Sometimes, God allows it to end in a rough way, and I believe that can be the only way for some people to actually move on. Is it God’s will for His children to be hurt and heartbroken? Not at all. But sometimes we never hear God’s voice until we experience pain and certain things in our lives are removed (see Isaiah 6:1). But I’m a firm believer that God gives us free-will, and we choose to entertain the wrong people too often.
 
So let’s get into this topic really fast with five points I want you to understand:
 
1. No one can “steal” your man/woman.
Okay I know Trey Songz likes to call himself “Mr. Steal Yo Girl”, but he needs to go sit down somewhere. No one can steal your man or woman away. Why?

  1. They do not belong to you, they belong to Christ. There is no ownership at all over them, even when you two are married. The circumstances are a little different in marriage, yes, but you do not own anyone.
  2. If someone can take them away, their heart was never fully committed to you.
  3. What God has for you, is for you.

I think we get so hung up on the heartbreak that we are just trying to find someone to blame. But the bible clearly shows us that God is able to bless everyone, so He would not send something He has planned for you to someone else. God’s will for your life is not attached to those who left you. The heartbreak always feels devastating because what we planned fell through. However, you will find peace and restoration in the presence of God if you focus on Him, instead of on the hurt (see Isaiah 26:3).
 

For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. (Psalms 84:11)

 
2. Their actions doesn’t define your worth.
It’s so easy for us to look on ourselves and start saying how ugly, boring, foolish or weird we are. Am I even funny? Was she faking this entire time? Was he only after my body? The list can go on, but that list has to be stopped. You need to find your worth in Jesus and what He did on the cross, not in a relationship. Which is why I so often tell people to find their worth in Christ before dating, because that will prevent you from idolizing them. When you know who you are in Christ, you won’t have to compete for anyone’s love or affection. You will know that you are loved because you are perfect in God’s image and who He has for you will be blessed to have you in their lives.
Please understand this, they had a choice. Even if you pushed them away with nagging, disrespect or any other annoying behavior. Am I saying they should stay and tolerate nonsense? Not at all, but the mature and godly thing to do is to talk about it, try to get through it and end the relationship if they don’t like how you are acting. If they cheated, that was their choice, not your fault. If they left, that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love. If they mistreated you, that doesn’t mean someone else will never respect and cherish you. Their loss! Learn from the hurt instead of being consumed by it. Jesus still loves you and has great plans for you.
 

But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light: (1 Peter 2:9)

 
3. Stop hating the person that they turned to.
Probably the hardest point to talk about, because it is a natural instinct to call them a “home-wrecker” and say how evil they are.
“Ewwww. This boy downgraded with that ugly girl.”
“HA! Her new man is so whack, forget them both.”
“They could never find a better replacement! They both can go to H.. for all I care.”
Don’t sit and pretend this doesn’t happen, even in the church. Some people are genuinely harboring hatred in their hearts, but I know God wants to heal you from that. And I know He will if you let Him. I mean really, why be mad? If they would cheat on you with them, they will cheat on them with someone else. If someone will boast about “stealing your wo/man”, then that is a clear sign of an insecurity they have. Pray for them. Whether they were aware of them being in a relationship or not, the bible says to love and to do good to those who mistreat you. Please do not allow hatred to consume you, overcome evil will love.

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; (Matthew 5:44)

 
4. Some people were never committed to you, you thought they were.
This is a sad reality many of us have to understand. You thought they cheated, but in reality they were never dating you. Maybe you were dating them, but they never showed you they wanted to be exclusive, faithful to you or God, and they may have went along with it due to the benefits. I mean really, you post about them day and night, yet they don’t talk about you. Or they tell you keep it a “secret”. Every relationship should be private, but if they want to keep you a secret, it is clear that their intentions aren’t to commit. We have to stop trying to pressure people into relationships with us. If you have to force it, it is not the will of God. When God brings you two together, then it will flow.
Some people aren’t committed to you, they are committed to what they can get from you. Many of you are in lustful relationships, but you stay because you believe that is the only way to receive love. The moment you would be brave enough to say “ no” and tell you them want to take your walk with God seriously, they will leave. They never loved you, they loved the access you gave to your body, finances, gifts, etc. If you ever told some of the people you were dating that you are tired of the relationship being lukewarm, you’d see some of them would leave. They aren’t committed to God; they are just trying to get you minus Christ. So how can they commit to you and not your God? You have to make your standards clear and express exactly what it is that you expect from the relationship. If Christ and marriage isn’t the goal, do not waste your time.
 

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3)

 
5. It may hurt, but God can never bring His will while we still entertain the person He didn’t send.
There are times in our lives when we try to ignore God’s warning signs because we want the relationship to work. They continually cheat, abuse, belittle, and pull you away from Jesus, but we don’t want to let go because we are afraid to start over. It’s okay to admit that you were wrong. Staying outside of God’s will just because you have invested a lot of time, money, energy or plans into them does not help bring you peace or love. It would be foolish to think an ungodly relationship would have eventually become godly if you were with someone that doesn’t try to grow with you.
Please understand that sometimes God calls us to places that exclude the people we want to keep on the journey. Elevation can require separation from people and habits, but it is always worth it to get what God has for you. Seasonal people do not deserve permanent positions in your life just because you have a few good memories. Learn to let go when you know God is telling you to let go.
 

Then Abraham said to his young men, “Stay here with the donkey; I and the boy will go over there and worship and come again to you.” (Genesis 22:5 ESV)

 
I pray this will help someone who is currently experiencing this. I pray for the married couples currently going through this, because I know it is harder for you. We also have a blog with 3 tips to get over an ex, please read that here.
 
Grace and peace.

Words

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. – Plato
As Christians, we have the opportunity to show someone Christ without even mentioning His name. We have grown accustomed to saying “I’m Christian” instead of being Christian. A major way to show the world the love of God is by our words. We should not say things that will cause people to sin or go against the church. Our words should always be graceful, beneficial, and kind to the hearer (Colossians 4:6). Words are very impacting. You can be nice to someone for years, but they’ll never forget the one time you did them wrong. You may be forgiven, but you cannot take back your words. So to avoid the hurt, just learn to limit your words and speak to people respectfully.
 

Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. (Proverbs 10:19)

 
Before you speak, ask yourself:
1. Is this true?
2. Is this helpful?
3. Will they be offended?
4. If it needs to be said, does it have to be said now?
5. Even if I’m right, how can I say this without a judgmental approach?
“Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Whoever made that up was very clever, but that is definitely far from the truth. Many of us today struggle with insecurities because of things once said about us. Called names and ridiculed, and in return leaving many scars. If that is you, I will definitely like to encourage you and let you know that you are good enough, you are beautiful, and Jesus thinks you are to die for. Never let someone’s opinion of you change your reality. God did not make a mistake. Before you speak, think about what you are saying. You want your actions to point people to God, not to insult anyone. The bible says it is almost impossible to reach a person that was previously offended (Proverbs 18:19). You do not understand someone’s battle, so just use your mouth to keep them in prayer.
Here’s a challenge for you! This week, choose one of these 2 ways to impact/uplift someone with your words:
 
1 – Use your words to share Jesus.
If you love Jesus, why not share Him? Yes, the Bible says they will know us by our love, but how can someone come to salvation if you don’t share the gospel (Romans 10:14)? Talk about Jesus as often as you can. Please don’t be awkward though.
Friend at work: “Hey, would you like to come to lunch with us?”
You: “I can’t, but Jesus loves you. Let me know when you have a minute to discuss salvation and your eternal dwelling place.”
Just please don’t. But pray that God will open a door for you to share your faith, your testimony and share His goodness.
 
2 – Encourage someone.
Everyone loves to hear kind words, and many of us have a friend that is just always kind. But have you ever reached out to them and just said, “Hey, I appreciate you. You’re a great friend, praying for you. Have a blessed day.”? Be willing to reach out. I know you would rather someone reach out to you, but this is a way to treat your neighbor the way Jesus expects.
You know that they struggle with sin? Pray for them. Try to help them back up, don’t look down on them for their weakness. Use your words to assure them that God is able to deliver and keep them.
 
 
I encourage every reader to listen to an amazing song by Hawk Nelson, it is called “Words”. Your words have power. Use your words to bring life and not to tear others down.
 

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. (Proverbs 18:21)

 
Grace and peace.

Called to Singleness?

This blog is long overdue! One too many people have been frustrated with God because He has not met their desires when or how they expected Him to. Many are now in their 30s, 40s, 50s and even older and still message us saying “I really don’t understand if I am missing something. I turn down bad relationships all of the time. I honor Christ with my body and I do my best to stay focused on Him. But I want a wo/man, doesn’t the bible say God will give us the desires of our heart?” And yes, I have received this concern from all age groups, genders, countries, etc. I used to think some people were honestly being impatient and “needy”. But is that always the case? Nope. Some people just have good desires that won’t be met, or they will be and they just have to learn to trust the journey.
 
Here are 4 things I want you to grasp about this topic:
 
1 Just because you want to get married, that does not mean a spouse is owed to you.
 
I believe many people can twist the scriptures so much that they no longer serve God, but they serve their idea of God. I say that because it is so easy to find a bible verse that sounds good, so we try to apply it to our lives without knowing its context or understanding what God was actually trying to say. I literally received a comment from someone that said “We all were created for marriage, and the bible says the woman was created for man.” I didn’t even bother arguing with them or getting into some form of biblical debate, because everyone has the right to their own opinion. Even when they are wrong. We are created for God and to give Him glory. Yes, the bible mentions that God brought Eve into the picture because it was not good for Adam to be alone, but that does not mean every woman born on this earth needs to be married in order to have a purpose. Just because God did not see it fit for Adam to be alone, that does not mean that every man on earth needs a wife before he can do the will of God for his life.
 
“Well the bible says in Psalms 37:4 that if we delight ourselves in God then He will give us the desires of our hearts”. Yes, it does say that, but it does not say everything that we desire is owed to us. Neither does it say that every good desire in our hearts is God’s desire for us. When you delight in Jesus, you begin to desire more of Him and you begin to desire what He wants you to have. So while you are there spending time with Jesus, He will begin to rearrange some mentalities, habits, actions that you have/struggle with and He will mold you into His image. What if it is His plan for you to be single? So many people are not content, but they believe a spouse will fill that void. That will never happen because a spouse should add to our life, not be your goal in life. Jesus is the only One able to fill the void in our hearts.
 

Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. (Psalms 37:4)

 
2 – Some people are called to singleness.
 
I figured I might as well tackle this topic at some point, because some people really do not think it is possible for this to happen. In the scriptures, there were people that were not meant to be married. Those were the eunuchs. Of course, I am not advocating to having any man castrated or forcing people to remain single. Times have changed, and that is a bit extreme if you ask me. However, if you don’t mind reading Matthew 19:1-12 really quickly you’ll see what I am about to refer to. Jesus was asked about divorce by some clowns, I mean Pharisees, and He dropped the truth on them like a BOSS! Marriage is God’s design, and the two become one flesh that way. They asked so why did Moses allow divorce then, clearly trying to start drama. Jesus told them because of your “hardened hearts”, Moses allowed that to happen. God’s plan is never divorce, and He goes into a little more detail, but I want you to go and read that really fast! Back to my point, Jesus said in verse 12 that some were born eunuchs, some were forced into it, and others chose that lifestyle for Heaven’s sake. I could possibly be wrong, but this is only my opinion on what He was stating: Jesus wasn’t saying some castrated themselves to glorify God. Rather, He was saying some abstained from marriage and sex in order for their lives to be fully dedicated to God. It is possible to be alive and not desire marriage or sex. Don’t feel inferior or weird if that is you. Use your life for His glory. I believe it is also possible that some may desire marriage, but they can be more effective for God while single. Which is why marriage will always be a great desire, but being single is not something you should just shun the very thought of.
 
Paul was a man that literally changed the world for Jesus. He was so on fire for Christ that he could send a handkerchief and it would heal the person when it reached them (see Acts 19:11-12). However, in all of the great things this man did for Christ, he did something that many refuse to believe is God’s will: he stayed single. Whether Paul was always single, divorced or widowed is beside the point. He said that he recommends for Christians to remain single like he was (1 Corinthians 7:6-8). Of course he was not saying everyone should be single and celibate, because that will mean there is no way to repopulate God’s earth. However, he was showing us that there is so much you can do for God when you are single. If you have the desire to be married, that is a good desire, just be sure that you are willing to serve God with your heart whether single or married.
 

For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. (1 Corinthians 7:7)

 
3 – Your motives can be the reason why you are still single.
 
In the era of social media, everyone feels like they are missing something. You follow that dream couple and you wish you could be like them. You are constantly told by friends and family that you need to hurry up and get married. People begin to question your sexuality, your character and everything else about you. Sometimes it feels like the best thing to do is to just rush a relationship. However, seeking something God does not want us to have or rushing into something because we do not want to feel left out will only lead to pain, stress or sin. I have reached a point in my life where, I only want what God has for me. Waiting sucks, we all know that. But what good is it to be married and you end up walking out of God’s will in the process?
 
I didn’t get into too much detail because we already wrote a blog on how our motives often times delay God’s plan for our lives. Click here to read that full blog that will get more into why motives are a reason some will never be married, or it will simply be a very long time before they do.
 

You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. (James 4:2-3)

 
4 – If you aren’t faithful to Christ in your single season, you will still be inconsistent when you’re married.
 
Some people amaze me at how much they love the idea of marriage, but not the idea of being the bride of Christ. That isn’t to sound judgmental, but we really need to check our hearts. Do you really think that marriage is the time to start living spiritual? No, singleness is the time to develop your walk with God. If I struggle with lust while dating, I will struggle while married. If I am rude while dating, I will be rude when I am married. If I can’t budget and I spend all of my money shopping, I will simply lead my marriage into bankruptcy. Too many people are focused on finding “the one”, instead of becoming the one. I know firsthand that all of my issues before marriage are still issues now unless I address them, learn from them and depend on Jesus for growth.
 
Not only that, but we must have our own walk with God. Please do not think a “godly relationship” is a substitute for an actual relationship with God. You want a godly spouse? Live a godly life. You want to prove that you are “marriage material”? Start developing yourself as a Christian and mature adult so that you will actually be ready for this marriage that you are prepared for. Some people are single because they cannot be trusted in a relationship. If we are inconsistent with God, we will only love someone else conditionally. If we are not faithful to Him despite His love and grace towards us, we will struggle with the person we are dating. We all mess up, but a consistently growing relationship with God will help you to love others.
 

But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. (James 1:6-8)

 
Grace and peace.