One of the things I have learned in church is that people are afraid to admit when they fall. We don’t want to feel condemned. We don’t want to feel as though we are the only ones struggling with that issue. We don’t know who to turn to, because others don’t even care to live a God-fearing life. So what do we do? We keep quiet. We talk about it AFTER God “delivers” us so we can have a cute testimony to share. We keep quiet so we won’t appear to be a failure if we do slip up again.
Let’s discuss those who are in relationships with people that seemed to be on the right track, but they fell into sin. This isn’t for those who are in deliberate sin and lustful relationships. Relationships that pull you away from Christ will never be God’s plan for your life. However, it is possible for you to be in a relationship that can glorify Christ despite making a mistake in your past.
“He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.” (Proverbs 28:13)
You’d read that verse and think I’m telling you to blindly run back to others regarding your struggles and confess everything to them. Accountability is a major key to maintaining a successful relationship, but God does not want us telling everything to every person in the church. When the Bible tells us to confess our sins, God wants us to do two things: turn to Him in our weakness and be accountable to other believers in the body of Christ that will help us with prayer and encouragement. Please understand that some things are not meant for everyone to hear. We overcome by the blood of the lamb and by our testimony (Revelation 12:11), but God still does not expect us sending out mass texts to say how we are “finally free from lust”. That’s great and all, but please understand there is a time and place for everything.
With this blog, I pray that none of you leave with the wrong impression. Our aim is not so anyone can feel as though they need to cut off a relationship because they made one mistake or for anyone to continue in a relationship just because it isn’t leading to sexual immorality. The point is for you to evaluate the heart and motives behind the relationship. Just because you slipped up before, that doesn’t mean you two can’t reestablish boundaries and honor God. And just because you two haven’t had sex, that doesn’t mean your relationship is pure or you two aren’t heading that direction.
“This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16)
One thing I have realized is, too many believers want to know “how far is too far”? I understand that may be a legitimate question, but how exactly does that honor Jesus? If your goal is to honor Christ, you should be striving towards pleasing Him and staying as far away from sin as you possibly can. However, what you find is too many relationships are asking: “can I kiss him/her?”. “Can I spend the night at their house? It’s not like we both don’t have self control.” “Can I feel on their body? I’ll make sure to stop before we get carried away”. Or you’ll hear the famous line “I’m not less of a Christian because I have sex from time to time. God knows my heart, you can’t judge me.”
Some of these lines people may never say, but it is happening in their relationships daily. If you notice the key aspect behind some of those relationships, it’s all about self. What can I get? How can they please me? Don’t judge me, etc. If you get to the point where you are asking what you can gain from being with someone, you see that you aren’t ready for a relationship. I understand the desire for physical intimacy is within all of us, but if you can’t control your urges while single, they will still be an issue when you are in a relationship. Marriage doesn’t cure lust. Dating doesn’t cure lust. Sex doesn’t even satisfy lust. You will always desire more. Touching will lead to kissing, kissing will lead to sex, and sex outside of marriage will lead to you dying or pregnant (just kidding, but there are bad consequences for sin).
“Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?” (Proverbs 6:27)
“Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:22)
Here are 5 things to remember/examine if your relationship fell into sin:
1. God is able to forgive you.
I know the devil may play games with your mind at times, but please understand that Christ died for you knowing you weren’t perfect. He knew you’d fail, which is why He came to save you (Romans 5:8). God is able to restore you when you fall and to place you back on the right track (Psalms 37:23-25). God’s love doesn’t change, you just have to seek His forgiveness. Please do not think that is to say it’s okay to live as you please. God is a merciful Father, but He is a righteous judge. Do not think sin has no consequences just because we are saved (Romans 6:23).
2 . Is this a godly relationship?
You can fool me, but you can’t fool God. Please be honest when examining your relationship. Does that person even love God? I don’t mean do they go to church, they’re a pastor’s kid or they preach every Sunday. I want you to check if their lifestyle actually shows they desire an intimate walk with God. If not, that is your cue to end it and pray for their growth. If they are faithful to Christ, then you should be seeing if you are the person who is straying away from Christ and need to get your act together. This isn’t to sound harsh, but we will act like those we surround ourselves with, so we must guard our hearts from the enemy (Proverbs 4:23).
“Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)
3. Could I have prevented this?
Many people like to play the victim role and give the devil all of the credit. The truth is, most times we knew what we were doing. You knew you two were falling into sin when you two started being alone and touching one another. You knew things were getting out of hand when the comments started becoming less godly and more sexual. If you realize they want naked pictures or to start doing sexual things, that should be your cue to draw the line or cut the relationship. I know what it means to love someone and know they aren’t good for you. It happens to us all, or we are bad for someone else. It’s okay to admit when a relationship isn’t healthy. That’s when we decide to stop entertaining our lustful desires and seek God for help. Accountability partners and spiritual leadership are smart moves to make, that will help us prevent some issues.
“Abstain from all appearance of evil.” (1 Thessalonians 5:22)
4. Is this consistently happening?
When you fall into sin, it’s easy to get back up and trust God again. When you consistently fall into sin, it’s harder for you to hear God’s voice. That is because deliberate sin is the same as rebellion. So if we consistently ignore God and His will for our lives, eventually we become desensitized to His voice. If you two keep falling, it’s an indicator that God is not in your relationship. God can’t bless a relationship that blatantly ignores His word. We wrote another blog on “How Do I know if they’re The One” and we have a youtube video about it, we will let you get into those for more information.
“Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don’t let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin.” (Psalms 19:13 NLT)
5. You will never have to sin/compromise in order to get or keep who God is sending.
It honestly breaks my heart when I receive messages from believers who say they have been waiting so long and are frustrated because they have friends who live in sin and appear happy. Please don’t let social media or smiles fool you, their is no peace or true joy outside of God’s will. God would not ask you to wait if He didn’t have special plans for you. God would not ask us to avoid fornication if He didn’t understand how it can cloud your judgment, drain you emotionally and spiritually, and even pull you out of His will. Don’t let anyone creep into your life telling you a little sin is okay if you two keep it a secret. Or tell you “don’t worry because God forgives”. The devil is a liar. You are special to Christ. He will reward your patience and obedience to His word.
“Ye did run well; who did hinder you that ye should not obey the truth?” (Galatians 5:7 ESV)
There are many people who turned away from Christ because of a bad relationship or because of a relationship. I just want to encourage you that God is willing to forgive you. God is not holding it against you, just turn back to Him. You may have even had a child outside of marriage, but God is able to restore you. Turn back to Him today.
Grace and peace,