Stop Chasing Butterflies

I receive many questions from people who want to know how can they tell if someone is the one for them. We’ve made a YouTube video about the concept of “the one” and wrote a blog about knowing how you can tell if they’re the one for you, you should check it out if you haven’t already. However, it confuses me when someone says they’re with someone who’s amazing and loves God, treats them right, but something is missing.
“Well…. what’s missing?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t have those butterflies I’d expect to have.”

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)

Can I tell you something that you know, but can easily forget? Your feelings will destroy you. Your feelings will have you running back to relationships that God delivered you out of. Your feelings will have you running back to abusive relationships, because you’re focused on memories instead of reality. Your feelings will have you thinking it’s okay to to let your flesh take control, but you know in your heart what God is telling you to do.
If you want to know true love, look at the Bible’s definition of it (1 Corinthians 13). Too many expect life to be like Love and Basketball or The Notebook. All of these Disney and movie fantasies will have you ignoring your blessing that you’re praying about. Many people want a godly relationship, but when they have a godly person in their lives that’ll correct them when they’re falling or lukewarm, they take it as judgement. So you want a godly relationship, but you don’t want God? Some people claim they want true love, but they really just want someone they can post on social media. Just because all of your friends are dating or married, that doesn’t mean God is telling you to do the same.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being married, but I honestly believe many of us don’t understand that marriage is way more than we think. We have to understand that marriage is a ministry as well and God has to prepare us for it. I honestly believe our motives are what causes us to have our blessings delayed (read more about that here).

“(For we walk by faith, not by sight:)” 2 Corinthians 5:7

I’ve learned that we live in a generation of people that are driven by emotions (see Provers 30:12). We disregard the word of God, and we go by opinions instead of scripture. We don’t like correction, because our feelings are placed higher than God at times.

“There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.” (Proverbs‬ ‭30:12‬)

There are days when my marriage isn’t all sunshine and roses. I absolutely love my wife and our marriage is great (she said so as well, so don’t think I’m being dramatic lol). However, that does NOT mean we are happy every single waking moment of the day. There are some days when it’s like she can’t wait to hug me, and there are some times when I’m sure her hands just want to hug my neck. If we go by those days when there are no “butterflies”, we’d foolishly think God didn’t bring us together. When we don’t feel those “butterflies”, does that mean it’s time to jump ship? No. It’s time to keep cultivating our love so it doesn’t die out.
Does that mean I’m telling you to settle? NO, PLEASE DON’T SETTLE. I get butterflies when I’m around my wife still. But you have to understand feelings should not dictate your future. Pray regarding that person. If God gives you peace regarding them and He gives you confirmation to keeping the relationship, then don’t give up on them just because you don’t feel happy all the time.
Grace and peace.

Follow Jesus

Salvation is free and available to all who accept the invitation. Unfortunately, so many “accept Jesus as their lord and personal savior”, but never allow Him to reign on the throne of their hearts. It is easy to be a Christian in church and it is very easy to claim you believe in God, but faith without works is dead. So many will speak in tongues but have a mind that isn’t yet renewed. It is easy to wear a nice church outfit, hat, heels and a long skirt, but not everyone allows God to give them a new heart. A heart that hates what God hates and loves what He loves. We shouldn’t just look the part, we must act the part. Not just a form of godliness, but living a lifestyle like Christ.
And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. (Luke 9:23)
Deny Himself:
– To continually tell your flesh no. You don’t do the sins that you used to commit and allow to rule your live. Instead, you’re submitting to God. You have lost sight of self and now your eyes are on Jesus.
– This is where you allow your mind to be renewed with the word of God and your heart to be changed in His presence.
– Put away your desires for God’s desires. You rather put your dreams on hold or let them go for the sake of the gospel.
– The old you is dead and gone, but Christ is now living through you.
Take up your cross daily:
– Your share of sufferings with Christ. We want to reign with Him, but first we must suffer with Him (2 Timothy 2:12). Paul was a mighty man of God, but despite everything he done, he still stated that he wanted to know God. One aspect of knowing God he said was being in “fellowship with his sufferings” and “being made conformable unto His death” (Philippians 3:10).
– When carrying a cross, you don’t have strength to carry other things. We shouldn’t be trying to hold on to sin. We cannot walk hand in hand with God and satan simultaneously.
– No cross, no crown. God will give us beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3), but we must get burned first. Jesus couldn’t rise as king if He wasn’t crucified first.
Follow Jesus:
– You are obedient to His word. Even to the ones that you don’t want to obey, you submit to His divine will over your own desires.
– Wherever God leads, you follow. Even when times seem hard, you trust His plan.
– Hold tightly to Him. You know that without His word, you cannot live.
– You conform and begin to act the same way He does. Whoever you hang around is going to rub off on you. If you’ve been around Jesus a long time, it’ll be displayed in your lifestyle and in the way you treat others. If you’ve haven’t, that’ll be very obvious as well.
– You are the reflection of the company you keep, the things you entertain, and the motives of your heart.
One thing we must realize that following Jesus isn’t just “do’s” and “dont’s”. It’s about breaking up with the world and falling in love with Jesus. When you love Jesus, no one has to tell you to obey Him, you’ll want to (John 14:15). “….his commandments are not grievous (1 John 5:3), which means the things God requires of us are not overwhelming or too much to handle. Holiness is only a problem for someone who hasn’t made up their mind that their living completely for Jesus.
Let today be the day that you decide who you will serve. Will you serve the living God, Jesus? Or will you continue to live for the god of your emotions, indulging in a life of sin and selfish ambitions? Jesus is asking us for everything, because those who are playing church actually have no use to God (Revelation 3:16). God doesn’t want us to just attend church, ministry begins outside of the church. Christianity is more than singing on choirs or playing instruments, it’s having a relationship with the Creator. When Jesus said “follow me”, he didn’t mean “look at me from a far”, “life will be easy”, nor did He say “watch others”. Jesus simply bids us to follow closely beside Him, having an intimate connection to Him and His presence. So let’s put aside the games and distractions and start actually living what we read.
Heavenly Father, I thank you for being such a great God. I do not know why you would choose me to be your child, but I am willingly accepting your request. Strengthen me as I follow You, because sometimes life seems hard and lonely. I pray that you’ll continue to guide me, in Jesus name, amen!


Unshakeable Faith

There are three types of people in this world:
1. Those going into a storm
2. Those already in a storm
3. Those coming out of a storm
In this life we must all know that we will face trials. No matter who we are, one thing we cannot escape is problems. So many trust in their riches, friends, and even in their own intellect. Not saying that these are bad, but every one of these resources can fail us. If you’re sick and about to die, do you believe you will be healed because you’re rich or have a masters degree? No not at all, which is why each and everyone of us need our own personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He is the only one that can see us through each and every single problem that we can possibly face!
We all claim and profess to have faith and trust God when times are going well. However, when it gets a little rocky, it is very easy for us to begin to doubt God. Not too long ago a child in my church was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Doctors said he will die in two days without surgery, and with surgery he would turn out “mentally challenged”. Yet, we did not put our trust in doctors, we placed our faith in God. Now I can tell you that months went by and he is now healed because of God. My mother was told she had a lump in her breast and of course it was a bit nerve wrecking, but we trusted God. He healed her body and now she has no cancer. I mentioned my mother because times are still hard after. I reminded her recently, “if God can heal cancer, then He can take care of your bills”.
MANY are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them ALL. (Psalm 34:19)
Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever. (Hebrews 13:8)
– If God was a healer yesterday, He still is today, and He surely will be the same God tomorrow.
– God helped people before, what makes you think He has forgotten you?
– The bible isn’t full of fairy tales. Whatever the Bible states happened and can happen again!
– If He worked out a situation before, He can again, so please don’t get worried.
And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say? Whosoever cometh to me, and heareth my sayings, and doeth them, I will shew you to whom he is like: He is like a man which built an house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock. But he that heareth, and doeth not, is like a man that without a foundation built an house upon the earth; against which the stream did beat vehemently, and immediately it fell; and the ruin of that house was great. (Luke 6:46-49)
– This shows us that every single person will go through a problem, no matter who you are.
– Only those who are obedient to God and trust in Him will stand after troubles come their way.
– Those without faith and a firm foundation in Christ will fall under pressure.
But without faith it is IMPOSSIBLE to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. (Hebrews 11:6)
Dear Lord, I come to you as humble as I know how. I really don’t know what my future holds, but I trust you because I know that You hold my future. Help me not to fear no matter what comes my way. As I go through my many tests, I pray that you increase my faith. In Jesus name I pray, amen.


Eyes on Jesus

I fell short…. Months went by, and I didn’t repeat it. I must be free now, praise The Lord. Here comes the opportunity arising, and BAM! Fell into the same sin again. So now I’m at the altar, “Lord I’m sorry, please forgive me”. Feeling good, and sin free. Next thing I know, I’m back at the altar once again, crying because I did the same act once again. The same exact one that I promised God that I wouldn’t commit.
Does this sound familiar? Shrugs, maybe not for you, but for me it was. This was my constant cycle that I couldn’t seem to break out of. I don’t have much shame, I believe if I’m being transparent, then I can help someone. Sexual temptation was the hardest thing in my life that I just could not seem to shake. Touching women that I’m not married to, lusting in my heart, even following women on Instagram that obviously dressed explicitly. I fed my sin instead of starving it. Promising God that I’ll do my best, and failing so often.
Maybe your sin is different then mine, but Hebrews 12:1 shows that everyone has a sin that easily makes them stumble. Does this mean you are a bad person or a hypocritical Christian? Not at all. Only those with a struggle show that they are trying to resist the lies from the devil. If you aren’t struggling, maybe the devil already has a grip on you.
However, this temptation was a stronghold over my life because it was all I focused on. I was not focused on Jesus, I was only focused on avoiding the sin. That’s where we all go wrong. We try to please God by doing good works, when God is saying, “I want you so wrapped up in my love, until sin is no longer an option. I want my desires to become your desires.” Over this past week in my church’s Youth Conference, I’ve learned that fear crippled me. I wasn’t seeking to please God. Instead, I was afraid of doing that sin again, afraid of how people viewed me, and even afraid that I’m living wrong and headed to Hell.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. (1 John 4:18)
– Many of us are so afraid of people. Lived a life full of ridicule and criticism. We now see that many are slaves to acceptance, but these people usually die from rejection.
– I didn’t strive to be holy, I strived not to commit a sin. God doesn’t want us in a mindset where we have a list of “do’s” and “don’t’s”. Rather, Jesus wants us in a relationship with Him that will give us different desires.
– I didn’t understand God’s perfect love, but the more time I spend with Him and His word I now see that His love is overwhelming. I also see that His love overrides all the fear in my life.
– If I love Jesus back, I’ll live for Him no matter the cost. I can be just like the apostles who even obeyed God when their lives were in jeopardy.
– If ye love me, keep my commandments. (John 14:15)
For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me. (Job 3:25)
– Whatever you fear will come to you. Job was offering sacrifices for His children because they could’ve cursed God and died. We see here that his fear came into existence.
– Revelation 21:8 says the first ones getting thrown into the lake of fire are the “fearful”.
– Jesus has conquered your fears, and the spirit of fear is not from God! See 2 Timothy 1:7
We have to be so consumed with God that sin isn’t an option for us. Christians are usually told what to do, wear, say, or go but now that you are so in love with God, that you just are overwhelmed trying to find ways to get to know Him better. You won’t just need people to guide you every step of the way, because the bible says the Holy Ghost will “teach you all things” (John 14:26).
We must stand up as true Christians, and start relying on God. We will fail whenever we have confidence in our flesh. Each day I am learning to rely completely on God. I don’t want a day to go by without me not praying, reading my bible or seeking Him. I know that the day I don’t, I go out into a warfare against the devil and my flesh, with no weapons. Jesus is my defense and His word is my sword. I must seek Him continually, because without Him I am nothing. I’m just a man of sin going to Hell, but with Him, I am more than a conqueror!
Whether you want to admit it or not, you have a sin that you struggle with. You will get over it when you go to God for strength, but you will fall whenever you stop seeking Christ. You may overcome for awhile, but sin will catch up to you. It isn’t about trying to overcome sin, it’s all about pleasing Christ.
Repentance is turning away from all sin and turning to Jesus. My problem was I would stop, and then keep going. We must stop and turn around! Stop sinning and repent, do a 180 degree turn! Many are on the road to destruction, but for all who choose to submit to Christ, they will make it. Not just Sunday Christians, but being Christ-like in every way.
If I can overcome, I know that you can. We serve the same God, and He’s able to do it again for you. Keep your faith and trust God.
Heavenly Father, I thank you for your mercy and your grace. I recognize that I have a besetting sin and I really cannot overcome it alone. I don’t want to try by myself anymore, I pray that you help me. Give me strength where I am weak. Help me to overcome and ignite a fire within me. Give me a passion for holiness, souls, and a heart of a servant. In Jesus name, amen.
God bless,
Tovares Grey


Pornography & Masturbation: Is it Wrong?

Before anyone starts, let me ask for forgiveness. I know that some people think “pornography” and “masturbation” are curse words in the church.
I can count the amount of times I have been to a church service or a meeting where the speaker confronts pornography. Growing up in the church, I have come to realize that leaders will speak against fornication (premarital sex), adultery (being married and sleeping with someone other than your spouse), and homosexuality/lesbianism. These are surely touchy issues so I can somewhat understand why we avoid them. However, if we don’t teach the people about it, we cannot get mad when the world tells them about it.
Pornography is something for someone perverted, in some peoples opinion. However, it is just a sinful thing that the devil uses to trap and corrupt minds with. Many have watched it. If you haven’t then congratulations, but don’t kill those who have. Just know that you can be free from this sexual and mental addiction.
How is Pornography wrong?

  • It corrupts the mind of the viewer. You believe that what you see is fulfilling and want to go and try it out.
  • You no longer have God’s view of love, forgetting the true purpose for it. You see sex as a sport and no longer as a gift for husband and wife. Porn stars sleep with many different people all the time. The bible says when you sleep with someone, you become one with them. Now stop. If I sleep with 60 women, I am now causing so many different spirits to be in me. That sounds like confusion, not love.
  • Some may say, “I really love God, I am just trying to learn different ways to please my spouse”. I cannot say your motives are wrong, but the way you fulfill it is. God can show you ways to satisfy one another without leaving His will.
  • You’re telling God that you have a sexual desire that you had to resolve yourself, instead of waiting on your own spouse.

We must understand, we do not sin only if we have sex outside of God’s will. We messed up when we flirted with sin all the way up to the act. The little things matter, stay alert.
How is masturbation wrong?

  • Masturbation is the act of sexually pleasing yourself.
  • God has given every man and woman a sex drive. Some people feed their sex drives more than others. With things like: Love music, movies with sexual scenes, flirting, negative pictures, etc. Now you reach a point where you are really in “the mood” and don’t have someone, so you do it yourself. So you have fulfilled your spouses duty. Sin.
  • The urge to do this isn’t from God. God knows you want to be with a special someone, and He actually wants to give it to you (Psalms 37:4). So now you have an urge from either the devil or yourself. Nothing the devils sends us is good, and the bible says you cannot please God with a carnal mind. A worldly minded person cannot please God (Read Romans 8:1-8).
  • Fornication is a sin. So whether you do it to yourself or with someone you are not married to, you have just committed a sin.

If you struggle with it today, let me tell you something. There’s a better life in Christ. Being abstinent or celibate is a great feeling.
Your hands were made to glorify a Holy God. Your body is God’s temple. Don’t defile it because you were  “horny”. If you ever reach that mood, you know that God wants you to draw closer. Don’t be overpowered by these desires. God sees those who want to be married, but it is all on His timing. I beg you, throw away those movies, magazines, pictures, text messages, CDs. Live pure!
Don’t ever say it’s too hard. Doubt is an insult to God! He know and he cares, let him help you!
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV)
Everyone is tempted! I’m sure the woman at the well with all those husbands could have tempted Jesus! He chose to spread the Gospel to her, not spread her legs! You can resist too!
God bless, stay pure. Stay focused. You can make it!

Tovares Grey