Stop Chasing Butterflies

I receive many questions from people who want to know how can they tell if someone is the one for them. We’ve made a YouTube video about the concept of “the one” and wrote a blog about knowing how you can tell if they’re the one for you, you should check it out if you haven’t already. However, it confuses me when someone says they’re with someone who’s amazing and loves God, treats them right, but something is missing.
“Well…. what’s missing?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t have those butterflies I’d expect to have.”

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)

Can I tell you something that you know, but can easily forget? Your feelings will destroy you. Your feelings will have you running back to relationships that God delivered you out of. Your feelings will have you running back to abusive relationships, because you’re focused on memories instead of reality. Your feelings will have you thinking it’s okay to to let your flesh take control, but you know in your heart what God is telling you to do.
DO NOT ALLOW SOCIAL MEDIA, FRIENDS OR TELEVISION TO TELL YOU WHAT TRUE LOVE IS.
If you want to know true love, look at the Bible’s definition of it (1 Corinthians 13). Too many expect life to be like Love and Basketball or The Notebook. All of these Disney and movie fantasies will have you ignoring your blessing that you’re praying about. Many people want a godly relationship, but when they have a godly person in their lives that’ll correct them when they’re falling or lukewarm, they take it as judgement. So you want a godly relationship, but you don’t want God? Some people claim they want true love, but they really just want someone they can post on social media. Just because all of your friends are dating or married, that doesn’t mean God is telling you to do the same.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being married, but I honestly believe many of us don’t understand that marriage is way more than we think. We have to understand that marriage is a ministry as well and God has to prepare us for it. I honestly believe our motives are what causes us to have our blessings delayed (read more about that here).

“(For we walk by faith, not by sight:)” 2 Corinthians 5:7

I’ve learned that we live in a generation of people that are driven by emotions (see Provers 30:12). We disregard the word of God, and we go by opinions instead of scripture. We don’t like correction, because our feelings are placed higher than God at times.

“There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.” (Proverbs‬ ‭30:12‬)

There are days when my marriage isn’t all sunshine and roses. I absolutely love my wife and our marriage is great (she said so as well, so don’t think I’m being dramatic lol). However, that does NOT mean we are happy every single waking moment of the day. There are some days when it’s like she can’t wait to hug me, and there are some times when I’m sure her hands just want to hug my neck. If we go by those days when there are no “butterflies”, we’d foolishly think God didn’t bring us together. When we don’t feel those “butterflies”, does that mean it’s time to jump ship? No. It’s time to keep cultivating our love so it doesn’t die out.
Does that mean I’m telling you to settle? NO, PLEASE DON’T SETTLE. I get butterflies when I’m around my wife still. But you have to understand feelings should not dictate your future. Pray regarding that person. If God gives you peace regarding them and He gives you confirmation to keeping the relationship, then don’t give up on them just because you don’t feel happy all the time.
Grace and peace.

No Lust November

Welcome to the first day of #NoLustNovember! Everyone is familiar with “No Shave November”, but I wanted to do a weird twist on it and give Christians something they can relate to. This is a challenge for everyone to jump in on. I’ll be checking for this hashtag on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter and talking to you all so we all can hold one another accountable. 
Before you go any further, I have a blog on “Fighting Lust” that you can read here if you haven’t already. 

“There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.” (Proverbs‬ ‭30:12‬)


One of the most dangerous things a believer can do is assume that they have it all together. The Bible says to be careful when you think you’re standing firm because that is when you’ll fall (1 Corinthians 10:12).
Many Christians are under the impression that they cannot fall into sexual temptation. I used to be one of those. I would wonder how are people being so gullible and consistently falling into the same sin, but I realized with my own struggles that it wasn’t something as simple as I assumed. Then there are other Christians that believe they cannot break that cycle over their lives, but that’s because they aren’t properly following God and establishing boundaries. Understand this, falling into sexual sin is common. I am not saying this to justify anyone’s sinful lifestyle. I am saying that so you can know as a reader that you can overcome in Jesus’ name and you don’t have to keep hiding your weakness. God’s strength is made perfect in your weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Be willing to let go. 






But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. (Matthew 5:28-29)


When you talk about overcoming lust, many people target the symptoms rather than the real issue. So they’ll be willing to stop watching a certain show, but they won’t end the relationship. Or they will end the relationship, but they’ll still check up on the person. Sometimes we even overcome and then turn back to our filth. What I have realized is, Jesus isn’t a passive God. Jesus was so drastic in His teaching that many didn’t like Him and many turned away. If we aren’t willing to cut off what stimulates lust, are we tired of that lifestyle? No, we enjoy it but we don’t want its consequences. Sin never satisfies, it only pushes you to go further and further away from the presence of God. Are you disgusted with your sin yet? Ask God to remove those desires. Stop entertaining those desires and watch that sinful desire begin to fade out of your life. 
Be willing to examine your heart and take spiritual inventory. Some people shouldn’t still be in your life. Some shows shouldn’t still be on your tv. Some social media accounts should’ve been unfollowed months ago. Are you willing to let go of your past life to embrace what God has for you?




“But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.” (‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭2:9‬)


What are you going to choose today? Your porn or Jesus? Your fornicating/adulterous relationship or Jesus? Your ungodly friendships or Jesus? Your music that corrupts your heart or Jesus? Your feelings or Jesus? Your lust or Jesus? Your pride or Jesus? 





“For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water.” (Jeremiah‬ ‭2:13‬)


This scripture shows us that we as the people of God can easily backslide and choose things that can’t satisfy. The woman who met Jesus at the well was searching for Jesus, but she didn’t know it. No man could satisfy. She went from man to man and still never found true love until she met Jesus. That’s you and I. Searching for something to satisfy, and I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to choose lust anymore. 
So what do you say…….Challenge accepted? 
This journey is for everyone, but I don’t expect everyone to participate. If you desire more of God and less of that sinful cycle, then let’s get this party started! Jesus satisfies, trust me. Let’s not turn back. Forget what you did before starting this and let’s go back to the cross and the plan of God. 
What I need you to do!
1. Post a picture everyday with the hashtag #NoLustNovember so we can be engaged together! 
2. Post a verse, prayer, or your journal talking about what God is sharing with you on this challenge. 
3. Don’t judge anyone, just grow! 
4. Don’t quit WHEN you make a mistake. Not if! 
Grace and peace. 

What Happens if YOU Made the Mistakes?

Someone recently messaged us asking for a blog for those who did the hurting, the cheating, the lying etc. It really struck me that I have allowed too much time to pass without mentioning this. Why is it that we love to bash those who hurt us, but not point them to where they can go to grow? This may come as a surprise, but your ex deserves grace as well. They beat you up? Yeah they need grace as well. They cheated? They need grace as well. They dumped you after making you think they loved you? Yeah Jesus still loves them the very same way that He loves you. So this blog may not be for everyone, and I am sure that many who need this blog won’t even read it. But our goal is to help at least one person get restored back into who God designed them to be.
 
Here are 3 things to understand in regards to your past mistakes:
 
1. It does not define you.
Let me tell you something you already know: The devil does an amazing job at making us feel condemned. We all should feel remorse when we fall into sin and disobey God, but that should never define us. I am who God says I am, even if I am still struggling. You may have cheated, that doesn’t mean God won’t forgive you and help you next time. You may have fallen into sin, that doesn’t mean God sees you as a fornicator, liar, thief, etc. There is a difference between someone who fell into sin and someone who deliberately lives a life of sin. Are you seeking God for growth and change? Then good, keep growing. If you aren’t, then yeah you might need to stop playing ignorant to your struggles.
 
One thing I really love about the Bible is it doesn’t set an unrealistic standard on us. God showed us that He can forgive the messiest people, use the most ignorant people and not once does he mention that we have no hope because of a weakness. He shows us that He can help us in our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:7-9). David was known in the bible as a man after God’s own heart, but David also did some things that no Christian should ever be doing. God could have easily condemned him, but David repented and continued to follow Jesus. That is what you need to do. Stop allowing your past to define you and allow it to push you to God for healing and restoration.
 

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalms 51:10)

 
 
2. People will still talk, but you have to choose to ignore them.
One thing you must realize, if you haven’t already, is that sin has consequences. You may repent and receive God’s forgiveness, but some people will always view you as your past. Some people may never trust you when they know you always lied in the past. Your relationship may have no trust for awhile since you cheated in the past. Your walk with God can be on fire, but people will still remember how you had a baby out of wed-lock. Are people evil to see these things? No, but people aren’t perfect and we tend to focus on the negative very often. Should that hinder your walk with God? NO! After David sinned, you really would have expected him to leave his walk with God. He could have turned away. I know my shame would have been overwhelming, but he repented. He didn’t allow Nathan’s correction to cause him to run away in shame; he decided to get back on track. That is what you need to do if you fell. Get back up!
 
It is sad that we can sometimes receive the most judgment from people in the church. Sometimes that may be the only place you can go to gain some form of peace, but it does happen that you can be mistreated in the church. But that is not an excuse to leave the house of God. That just shows you how much we desperately need God in our lives. I remember being accused of doing something one day. People disowned me, talked bad about me and even told others to stay away from me and that was all because of a rumor that they heard. When they found out it wasn’t true or when they realized I didn’t let it push me away from God, many of them tried to become my friend again. I had resentment at first, but then I realized that I still had to show love to the people who treated me like an enemy. So God allowed that to show me their true colors, He showed me that I needed to guard my circle better and He showed me that I need to have boundaries so I do not place myself in situations that can lead to sin. Just like I allowed God to work on me, you have to do the same.
 

When a man’s ways please the Lord, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him. (Proverbs 16:7)

 
 
3. God can use your mistakes for His glory.
God chooses imperfect people every single day. We can go through almost every single book in the bible and find someone who wasn’t perfect, but had a relationship with God. The bible makes it clear to us that God didn’t choose us because we are perfect, but He perfects us into His image because He has called us into a relationship with Him.
Creating a page called “GodlyDating101” was never on my agenda. Let me be the first to tell you that there are days I just want to end it all, stop answering messages, ignore the prayer requests and just stop this ministry. Then I realize this page is not and has never been about me. There are hundreds, maybe thousands of people that message us just to say “thank you” and how this page has helped them. I may never be perfect, but God is using this ministry to develop other believers into His image. My goal isn’t to live a righteous life just because I have a ministry, but to protect what God entrusts me with. But I do know that no matter how messy my past has been and how I may fall tomorrow, God is the one who orchestrated this to encourage others. Please understand you cannot stay down in your sin, you have to get back up and let God use you. There is someone out there that is waiting on your obedience to God.
 

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand. (Psalms 37:23-24)

 
 
If you are a person that has felt like there is no hope after how you have treated someone, I just want you to know that there is grace in Jesus. God can restore you. You can get it right next time. God can break that cycle in your life. Get back up again and keep seeking God.
 
Grace and peace.

They Stole My Wo/man

“We were supposed to be friends.”
“S/he betrayed me. I hate how they just up and left me like that.”
“He’s supposed to be a man of God, so why did he run after another woman like that?”
“She made me think she was a godly woman, but she just left me for another guy. I don’t get it.”
 
I get frustrated messages all of the time about people who recently broke up with someone. Not only did they experience a breakup, but sometimes they were left for someone else. I try to hear them out every time, because they are genuinely hurting. Sometimes, it is clear as day that they dodged a bullet and God was the one protecting them from going any further in that relationship. Sometimes, God allows it to end in a rough way, and I believe that can be the only way for some people to actually move on. Is it God’s will for His children to be hurt and heartbroken? Not at all. But sometimes we never hear God’s voice until we experience pain and certain things in our lives are removed (see Isaiah 6:1). But I’m a firm believer that God gives us free-will, and we choose to entertain the wrong people too often.
 
So let’s get into this topic really fast with five points I want you to understand:
 
1. No one can “steal” your man/woman.
Okay I know Trey Songz likes to call himself “Mr. Steal Yo Girl”, but he needs to go sit down somewhere. No one can steal your man or woman away. Why?

  1. They do not belong to you, they belong to Christ. There is no ownership at all over them, even when you two are married. The circumstances are a little different in marriage, yes, but you do not own anyone.
  2. If someone can take them away, their heart was never fully committed to you.
  3. What God has for you, is for you.

I think we get so hung up on the heartbreak that we are just trying to find someone to blame. But the bible clearly shows us that God is able to bless everyone, so He would not send something He has planned for you to someone else. God’s will for your life is not attached to those who left you. The heartbreak always feels devastating because what we planned fell through. However, you will find peace and restoration in the presence of God if you focus on Him, instead of on the hurt (see Isaiah 26:3).
 

For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. (Psalms 84:11)

 
2. Their actions doesn’t define your worth.
It’s so easy for us to look on ourselves and start saying how ugly, boring, foolish or weird we are. Am I even funny? Was she faking this entire time? Was he only after my body? The list can go on, but that list has to be stopped. You need to find your worth in Jesus and what He did on the cross, not in a relationship. Which is why I so often tell people to find their worth in Christ before dating, because that will prevent you from idolizing them. When you know who you are in Christ, you won’t have to compete for anyone’s love or affection. You will know that you are loved because you are perfect in God’s image and who He has for you will be blessed to have you in their lives.
Please understand this, they had a choice. Even if you pushed them away with nagging, disrespect or any other annoying behavior. Am I saying they should stay and tolerate nonsense? Not at all, but the mature and godly thing to do is to talk about it, try to get through it and end the relationship if they don’t like how you are acting. If they cheated, that was their choice, not your fault. If they left, that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love. If they mistreated you, that doesn’t mean someone else will never respect and cherish you. Their loss! Learn from the hurt instead of being consumed by it. Jesus still loves you and has great plans for you.
 

But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light: (1 Peter 2:9)

 
3. Stop hating the person that they turned to.
Probably the hardest point to talk about, because it is a natural instinct to call them a “home-wrecker” and say how evil they are.
“Ewwww. This boy downgraded with that ugly girl.”
“HA! Her new man is so whack, forget them both.”
“They could never find a better replacement! They both can go to H.. for all I care.”
Don’t sit and pretend this doesn’t happen, even in the church. Some people are genuinely harboring hatred in their hearts, but I know God wants to heal you from that. And I know He will if you let Him. I mean really, why be mad? If they would cheat on you with them, they will cheat on them with someone else. If someone will boast about “stealing your wo/man”, then that is a clear sign of an insecurity they have. Pray for them. Whether they were aware of them being in a relationship or not, the bible says to love and to do good to those who mistreat you. Please do not allow hatred to consume you, overcome evil will love.

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; (Matthew 5:44)

 
4. Some people were never committed to you, you thought they were.
This is a sad reality many of us have to understand. You thought they cheated, but in reality they were never dating you. Maybe you were dating them, but they never showed you they wanted to be exclusive, faithful to you or God, and they may have went along with it due to the benefits. I mean really, you post about them day and night, yet they don’t talk about you. Or they tell you keep it a “secret”. Every relationship should be private, but if they want to keep you a secret, it is clear that their intentions aren’t to commit. We have to stop trying to pressure people into relationships with us. If you have to force it, it is not the will of God. When God brings you two together, then it will flow.
Some people aren’t committed to you, they are committed to what they can get from you. Many of you are in lustful relationships, but you stay because you believe that is the only way to receive love. The moment you would be brave enough to say “ no” and tell you them want to take your walk with God seriously, they will leave. They never loved you, they loved the access you gave to your body, finances, gifts, etc. If you ever told some of the people you were dating that you are tired of the relationship being lukewarm, you’d see some of them would leave. They aren’t committed to God; they are just trying to get you minus Christ. So how can they commit to you and not your God? You have to make your standards clear and express exactly what it is that you expect from the relationship. If Christ and marriage isn’t the goal, do not waste your time.
 

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3)

 
5. It may hurt, but God can never bring His will while we still entertain the person He didn’t send.
There are times in our lives when we try to ignore God’s warning signs because we want the relationship to work. They continually cheat, abuse, belittle, and pull you away from Jesus, but we don’t want to let go because we are afraid to start over. It’s okay to admit that you were wrong. Staying outside of God’s will just because you have invested a lot of time, money, energy or plans into them does not help bring you peace or love. It would be foolish to think an ungodly relationship would have eventually become godly if you were with someone that doesn’t try to grow with you.
Please understand that sometimes God calls us to places that exclude the people we want to keep on the journey. Elevation can require separation from people and habits, but it is always worth it to get what God has for you. Seasonal people do not deserve permanent positions in your life just because you have a few good memories. Learn to let go when you know God is telling you to let go.
 

Then Abraham said to his young men, “Stay here with the donkey; I and the boy will go over there and worship and come again to you.” (Genesis 22:5 ESV)

 
I pray this will help someone who is currently experiencing this. I pray for the married couples currently going through this, because I know it is harder for you. We also have a blog with 3 tips to get over an ex, please read that here.
 
Grace and peace.

HE Is Worth the Wait

It is so easy to become eager when you are expecting something. Especially when you’ve been waiting on it for a while. We fantasize and obsess, creating a tunnel vision in which we see nothing else except for that one thing we know will bring contentment and joy and even security. Nothing else matters until the dream in our hearts become a reality in our lives. We exude so much passion in pursuit of that next job/career, that house, that car, that relationship… There is nothing wrong with going after any of these things but nothing guarantees that they’ll be worth the wait and truly satisfy us until we learn to trust and wait on God. My dad used to always sing this song “There is no satisfaction without salvation”, and never did I truly understand it until now.
 

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. (Matthew 5:6)

 
Long before my husband I started dating, there were times when I longed for a companion. To be honest, I knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship but seeing all my friends around me in relationships made me believe that I needed one. At some point I even allowed satan to convince me that I was lonely… That I was incomplete because I was single and that what would make me the happiest was to find “THE ONE” for me. I remember being in high school and never having a boyfriend. My “friends” would say I was lonely and some would even encourage me to come to parties or out with them for the weekend. They promised me a life changing experience. But my parents were saved and strict and I knew better than to ask them if I could ever participate in any of those activities. I was miss “Goody Two-Shoes” and I hated it! I was tired of sticking out like a sore thumb and I wanted to fit in so I decided I was going to get a boyfriend. I “dated” this guy in an attempt to “fit in” and to remove the loneliness my friends said I had, but I still didn’t feel like I was fitting in and my relationship did not make me happy because it wasn’t one I wanted to be in. I knew this person wasn’t for me and I knew my reasons for entertaining this relationship were all wrong.
So at some point I had to stop allowing society to make me feel like being single and pure was a sickness. I realized God did not call me to fit in and I would never fit in because God’s agenda for my life required just the opposite. I ended that relationship and redirected my focus on the ultimate one worth waiting for, Jesus Christ.
 

Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. (Psalms 37:4)

 
I’m sure many others have similarly been where I was. It’s so easy to lose your identity in trying to obtain what the world displays as happiness. What I started to realize is that the world’s definition of a relationship wasn’t a healthy one and relationships do not bring you happiness if you are with the wrong person. And if you aren’t spiritually and mentally mature enough to handle them, they can be destructive. Just because our peers look happy in relationships, that doesn’t mean we should compare ourselves to them in believing that we too need to be in a relationship right now. Who says they are truly happy anyway? You don’t know that. The path God has for you is different from the one He has for someone else so it is important that you stay in your lane and not get ahead of yourself.
Singleness is a blessing, and there are so many things that you are able to do more freely when you’re single that you might not be able to do when you’re married. This is your time to serve God without added family responsibilities and obligations.
 

But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:32-34)

 
I learned to chase Him in my single state and trust Him to write my love story. In my love life and in other aspects of life, I’ve had to learn to wait on God and not get so anxious in obtaining my worldly desires. Once I put my life and decisions in God’s hands, I’ve been completely satisfied with Him and what He’s given. Simply because He gives me His best and His plans for me are far better and greater than the plans I had for myself. He was truly worth the wait, He still is worth the wait, and He will always be worth the wait.
I encourage someone to wait on God today. He will fill your heart and satisfy you like no one else can. All your dreams and desires are so plain and miniscule compared to those He has for you. It’s so crazy how difficult it might be to see this now but we will better understand it as time goes by.

 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

 
Grace and peace.

6 Characteristics of a Godly Man

What does a “godly” man even look like? Most have their opinion, some good and some bad. Well how does God portray a real man? Ladies, before you jump off the ledge with a clown, read this and see how a man really should act. Men, before you go chasing a woman for marriage or you’re just reading this because you desire more of Jesus in your life, I’m praying this can help you. What exactly makes him “godly”?  Let’s see!
1. Godly men spend time with God.
It’s very easy to look spiritual. You can attend church and you can post scriptures on social media because you love God, but that doesn’t mean you spend time with God. We have to be intentional about our growth. It’s easy to let hours go by without acknowledging God. We can Netflix, play sports, video games and basically do nothing for an entire day. We may never be able to “find” time to seek God, but we have to make the time to grow. Our hearts and minds are bombarded by distractions, so we must make the deliberate choice to shut everything down and open our bibles. To turn off the screen and get down on our knees to pray. To decide to not go out with the friends one day and go on a fast. We have to develop a hunger for God in order to live godly lives.
The true measure of a believer is not in how high they jump in the service, but how straight they walk according to God’s will after. Spiritual growth does not happen by accident. We don’t find God by accident, we must be intentional. In my opinion, it shows maturity when you can spend time with God even when it feels “boring”. Pushing past your feelings, because you know that God is worthy despite how you “feel”.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. (Matthew 5:6)
2. Godly men are bold.
No man who knows his worth in Christ will ever feel the need to be shy or be afraid of anyone’s opinion of their lives. That doesn’t mean we all should be the outgoing and “extrovert” type just because we love God, but none of us who understand our worth will allow fear and insecurities to cripple our spiritual walk. All of the disciples that Jesus held close to Him weren’t the smartest alive. However, they spoke with authority, power and with wisdom because they were being led by the spirit of Christ (see Acts 4:13).
If a man is interested in a woman, he will pursue her. He will not wait on a woman to be interested in him. He will seek God, pursue her, and do everything within his power to win her affection. Godly men know what they want and they won’t settle for less. That doesn’t mean he will force a woman to love him back, but he will go out of his way to win over her heart. So ladies, if a man doesn’t pursue you, that can only mean three things:
  1. He is NOT interested.
  2. He is NOT ready for a commitment.
  3. He is interested, but too shy to speak. If he is, that doesn’t mean throw yourself at him to break the ice. Some men are just not that confident, especially around a beautiful woman. But he should be willing to get past that if he is interested. I do not believe a woman should pursue a man, I do not believe the bible supports that (Proverbs 18:22). However, that does not mean you can’t make a friend and pray that God tells him to pursue you (you ladies know that you do that already).
The wicked flee when no man pursueth: but the righteous are bold as a lion. (Proverbs 28:1)
3. Godly men try to lead others, not control them.
There’s probably nothing worse than someone who demands respect, but they don’t deserve it. You can’t expect your wife to submit to you, and you’re controlling instead of leading her. You can’t expect your friends to see you as a godly example to emulate, if you are condemning them rather than loving them and living how Jesus lived. The fruit of the spirit is self-control, not people-control. Manipulation and control are characteristics of the devil, not the spirit of God. If Jesus Himself does not seek to control us, then we should not be doing that to anyone else. Controlling boyfriends/girlfriends will become controlling spouses, so please do not settle. You shouldn’t have to cut off friends or social media to “make them happy”. You shouldn’t have to “report” to them with your whereabouts. BOUNDARIES ARE IMPORTANT, but please understand that is different from being controlled.
And if you have been accused of this, It’s not to say that you’re going to Hell and you’re such a terrible person. You just have to learn to see people as people, instead of objects. You also need to learn that God is in control and it is okay to trust Him, instead of expecting you will always have it figured out or you always need to control the situation.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23 ESV)
4. Godly men exercise consistency and discipline.
Paul never felt like he reached his highest level, he continued to strive to get deeper into God’s presence (Philippians 3:7-10). I like to use Paul as an example a lot because I feel like he is the best example on how God is able to turn your life around no matter how bad your past was. Jesus tells us that the people who hunger and thirst after righteousness will be filled (Matthew 5:6). It’s one thing to confess that you love Jesus, but that is something that must be shown in your consistent efforts in seeking Him. When it is tempting to get lazy and complacent in your spiritual life, you have to be willing to dive into the Word of God. When you are tempted to compromise your walk with God, be willing to say “this isn’t worth my intimacy with Jesus”. 
I used to struggle with a particular issue so much that I had to seek help from my mentor. He showed me how to get over the issue with advice, prayer and the scriptures. I “overcame”, but I was back in my mess in just a few weeks or months later. I have come to realize that we fall into sin when we get complacent with our walk with God (1 Corinthians 10:12-13). Unless we are consistently seeking God for help, that thorn in our flesh will continue to be a stumbling-block for us. However, the more we seek Jesus for help with our issues, is the more we will see that His grace is sufficient and that His strength is made perfect in our weakness (see 2 Corinthians 12:7-10).
And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. (Galatians 5:24)
 
5. Godly men guard their purity
Now before you think I just said godly men are some form of biblical superheroes, let me clarify. No I did not say they cannot fall, I said they guard their purity. Falling into sexual temptation has to be the easiest thing to do on planet earth. You had to go out of your way to see something or do something inappropriate a few years ago. Now, I can pull out my smartphone and I’m free to lust over anything moving. I cannot tell you the amount of times I’ve went on YouTube for one thing, and the suggested videos are showing me nonsense. Let’s not even mention Social Media’s negative influence on our efforts to live pure. However, that is no excuse to fall. The devil can tempt us, but we can choose to not indulge in it. It’s one thing to notice a lustful image or see someone dressed immodestly. But what I think and what I allow my heart to desire is fully up to me.
We all know David fell into sin with Bathsheba, He saw a beautiful woman taking a shower and decided he had to have her. Instead of turning away, he allowed lust to take over. If you know that what you’re looking at is ungodly and not God’s will for your life (porn, inappropriate images on social media, etc.), then please stop before it leads further down a path of immorality and emptiness.
“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.” (Job 31:1 NLT)
6. Godly men are human
Many people will read this blog title and believe I am setting some false illusion of what all men must be or they aren’t true Christians. But the truth is, godly men are always going to be a work in progress. If you were perfect, you wouldn’t need Jesus. So many people are walking in shame today because they’ve slipped, but there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus and trying to pursue Him daily (Romans 8:1). God sees when we are striving to please Him with our actions. If you aren’t where you need to be, then draw closer to God. The bible says God will draw closer to us if we draw closer to Him (James 4:8). “No one is perfect” and “I’m only human” is not an excuse for sin, but it is the reason why we have to just allow ourselves to depend on God’s grace daily. Let God order your steps so you can be a light to others.
The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand. (Psalms 37:23-24)
Grace and peace.
 

Idolizing Marriage

I hope the title alone didn’t scare away many readers because they feel as though I’ll condemn their marriage obsession. Marriage is good, God himself decided that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, but what happens when God’s people desire marriage as the ultimate goal of life? Let’s dig into identifying whether or not if we have an obsession with marriage, is that desire good or bad and let’s see what God’s word has to say about it.
What does it mean to “Idolize marriage”?
To idolize something is horrible, and not just because it is a sin, but when you idolize something you place that thing/person before God. Having an idol can make a “good” thing a “God” thing. We never really know it because it’s not like we literally bow down to these idols (I hope not), but we give them more of our heart, time and care than everything else. When entertainment, a relationship, sports, etc gets more time than God, there goes your idol. Of course things like our families, work and school will all require extra time and care, but we must never allow ourselves to put all of our time and trust in them rather than in God.
But I digress, what does it mean to idolize marriage?
  1. When you idolize marriage, you want to be married more than you want God. 
    1. Now many of us will say, “of course I want God more”, but the truth is shown in our thoughts. Many of us say we desire God more, but we spend more time talking to everyone except Him. Now of course faith without works is dead and you will have to at some point get up from prayer and actually hold a conversation with someone, but how can God lead you if you are spending no time with Him?
    2. Some of us spend too much time listening to how we feel rather than listening to God. Listening to feelings and memories will block God’s voice in our lives. Our hearts will deceive us (Jeremiah 17:9) and lead us to the wrong people, but we will never go astray when we study God’s word and make prayer a habit rather than a morning/bedtime routine.
  2. When you idolize marriage, you live your life as though happiness begins at “I do”.
    1. And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power: (Colossians 2:10)
    2. In case you forgot or never read it in the bible, a man or woman cannot complete you, only God can. Many times we seek in people what can only be found in God. Someone else is supposed to come along and add to your life, not complete you. Marriage is not a destination for us believers, it is just another part of a beautiful journey that we should already be enjoying because God is with us.
    3. When God said that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, Adam was not sitting down bored when God decided to make a woman. Adam was already working and ruling the way that God wanted him to and then God saw the need to give him help. If you are sitting down doing nothing and claiming to be waiting on God, don’t expect Him to reward laziness. God wants you active in church, your community and doing more than seeking marriage with your life.

So what’s your point? God wants us to get married!
Yes, God does want you to get married, but does he want you to worship the idea of marriage or does He want you to live for Him because only He can satisfy?
Why is desiring marriage a good thing?

  1. It is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18).
  2. Two are better than one (Ecclesiastes 4:9).
  3. It is normal to have sexual urges and Paul says it’s better to marry than to burn with lust (1 Corinthians 7:9).
  4. This world is corrupt and there are many broken homes, God’s plan is for man to be fruitful and we need more believers to show what a home should look like.
  5. Everyone does not have the gift of singleness, and God knows that most of us at some point will desire someone. Marriage is the healthy way in pursuing a relationship, not recreational dating.  

How is desiring marriage a possible bad thing?

  1. We seek love and acceptance from people, and if they reject us we feel as though God has forgotten us.
  2. It is easy to desire marriage just because someone else is married or we want to “feel appreciated”, and God does not answer prayers that have selfish motives (James 4:1-3).
  3. Many women, maybe some men, pursue that fancy wedding and perfect honeymoon and eventually settle on the first person they can take to the altar, but they knew nothing about the person they have to spend an entire life with.
  4. If sex is your motive behind getting married, that isn’t a strong enough foundation for it to last. “Good sex” cannot sustain a relationship, and God cannot bless a union that he isn’t a part of.
  5. Many have yet to become intimate with God nor discovered themselves, so now their worth is based in a person that can change rather than an unchanging God who’s love is unconditional for us.

In my opinion, this is just my opinion, if you have the desire to be with someone, God doesn’t want you single forever. The only thing we must realize is that, this healthy desire can lead to a fatal end if we don’t allow God to lead us rather than emotions. Stop aiming to be like that dream couple you see on social media – you do not know their life outside of pictures. Chasing that Tumblr/Pinterest wedding will land you in a nightmare home if Christ isn’t your compass. I don’t think the church needs to be focused more on who we will marry over who we are already engaged to, Jesus Christ. One day, we will get to see our blessed savior in the sky and He will not say to us, “hey, that’s so awesome that you got married! Your life was perfect”, no, because he satisfies more than anyone or thing can on this earth. When we pass, our spouse will not come with us. So yes, enjoy your life while God loans you breath, but never allow your pursuit of marriage to be more important than your pursuit of God. If we chase a person, we can lose sight of God. But if we pursue God, He will lead us to the right person at the right time.
Grace and peace,
Tovares Grey

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Why Get Married?

I’m really not shocked by today’s divorce rate, neither am I shocked that “believers” are getting divorced. Why? I think many forgot the purpose of this sacred union and what God expects of them in the marriage. You see, it’s easy to say what the other person is doing wrong, but difficult to see the chaos you’re causing or your role. It’s easy to expect them to deliver your every need, but it’s also unrealistic to think when you’re saying “I do” that it now means the same as “I own you”. So what exactly is the purpose of marriage?
Let’s go over 5 things of what marriage is for and what it isn’t about.
1. Marriage is for God’s glory. 
If you ever read your bible or simply attended a church service, you should be well aware that the Bible is about God’s love for us. It’s sort of a romance novel of God coming to rescue His bride through His death on a cross. The love shown by Jesus is what God actually calls men to. A sacrificial love, one that is willing to do anything for the well being of his wife and those he is leading (kids for example). Ladies, take this into consideration before wasting your time. He has to be a man who will place the will of God first in his life and be a man who places others before himself. Men, allow God to mold you into His image . Don’t rush the process. You grow while married, but don’t pursue a woman when you’re pursuing selfish ambitions rather than His kingdom. 
2. Marriage is supposed to show the world God’s love. 
There are many broken homes in the world today. Not only do they have no idea that there is a God who loves them, they barely have others surrounding them to show them the way things should be. Many have single parent homes because one person just doesn’t want to be there, which is why we need Christian homes to show what it means to have examples of unconditional love, forgiveness and how to grow with someone for the rest of your life, not until you get bored.
3. Marriage is for your benefit.
God saw Adam and said it wasn’t good for him to be alone so he made Eve to help him. Eve was created to support him, rule with him, and to make his life easier (Genesis 2:18). God was being considerate because Adam could’ve wondered why animals were reproducing and felt left out for not having someone. Marriage is to build together. I don’t see why many run away from it, when God brings the right person to you and you both focus on Him, that type of love can never die.
4. Marriage is a ministry.
God is entrusting someone’s heart into your hands and future children, He doesn’t want you to neglect this responsibility. Marriage is to be invested into. You have to communicate, pray, study the word, have fun and remain intimate. God wants the home to be an unbroken bond, you have to be intentional about keeping God at the center and not allowing the world to pollute the home.
5. Marriage is to be protected.
It’s sad, but many people do flirt with married people (and vice versa). They won’t respect your home if you don’t. If you give the devil access, he will take it. Be careful of your “friends” who will use God’s name to subtly creep in and violate what God put together. Your spouse must be your best friend. Friends of the opposite sex shouldn’t ever cross certain boundaries or be the ones to influence your home. The bible tells wives to submit to their own husbands (Ephesians 5:22). With all do respect, but your pastor or favorite speaker is not the one leading your home. Which is why a man must be connected to God, because he is supposed to guide you in the way that God is calling you all.
What isn’t marriage about?
1. Marriage is NOT about sex.
I agree with Paul, if you can’t contain sexual urges it’s best to get married (1 Corinthians 7:9). However, if you’re only in it for sex, that’s the wrong motive. God wants you to control your urges now, fornication only leads to adultery. Marriage doesn’t cure lust. We will continue to lust, watch porn, masturbate and fall into sin if we don’t submit our urges and feelings under the hand of God. Put your flesh under subjection, follow Jesus not hormones.
2. Marriage is not about what you can get. 
Love has never been and will never be about what you gain. Jesus died out of love knowing that many will never even believe in Him and some of the ones who do will always struggle listening to Him. Love is giving, even if it isn’t reciprocated. God wants you to love each other even when you’re annoying each other. Marriage is sharpening one another. A wise man once said the “God uses the rough edges of your spouse to sharpen you.”
3. Marriage is not about saving your spouse.
This is regarding those who are Christians and then dating unsaved people. You can’t save anyone, let God work on their heart before you start dating them. Both of my parents met unsaved and both came to Jesus, they’ve been married for 25 years so far. I know others who have had unsaved people approach them and they said “get Jesus first” and after that person genuinely went to Jesus, they eventually worked out and are still married and happy now. But my point is this, anyone can fake or just get baptized in order to get you. Don’t let emotions lead you, follow God.
4. Marriage is not about social media. 
You may think this is a joke, but some people only want relationships because others are in one. They don’t really care if God is glorified, they just want to post pictures on social media so others see their “happiness”. Public Service Announcement, if others need to validate your life, you’re not happy. We need to seek God’s approval for our life and not what others think.
5. Marriage is not a competition.
Stop competing with the person God placed in your life to assist you. Stop competing with other couples and stay in your lane. You will die in either envy or jealousy if you keep focusing on other couples, focus on what God has for you.
These are just a few things to keep in mind whether you want to get married or you are already married. Don’t go with the wrong motives, God doesn’t answer selfish prayers. Grace and peace.

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Stop Cheating

I am not sure what’s worse: being in a relationship with someone who you believe is interested in someone else or being with someone that you know is cheating on you. No one likes relationships that make them feel unloved or under appreciated. Typically, you will tell the person you are through with them if they don’t try to make it work. After all, a relationship requires two people making commitments right? Til death do we part…
Sadly, in today’s society many misunderstand (or don’t care to understand) what it means to be in a relationship with God. If you are committed to God, why are you flirting with sin? Everyone who believes there is a Heaven, plans to go to there. Yet we live like Hell isn’t real. We sometimes operate as “Christian atheists”: believing God is real, but living as though He doesn’t exist.
They profess that they know God; but in works they deny him, being abominable, and disobedient, and unto every good work reprobate. – Titus 1:16
Moses is considered as a Old Testament messiah, meaning what he did for the people of Israel is what Jesus did for us. Moses went to pharaoh (the devil), and commanded him to let God’s people go. After they were finally released from Egypt (sin), God gave them specific instructions on how to live. Everyone who decided to murmur and disobey would be cut off. Now as Christians, we are so blind to biblical reality. Yes, it is true that God is merciful and full of compassion, but it is also true that God is still a God of wrath. God is such a wonderful boss that He always pays fairly. If you live in sin, you’ll be rewarded (not with eternal life, but with what you worked for), and if you live right, He will bless you!
For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. – Romans 6:23
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. – Galatians 6:7-8
Many new preachers are on the rise with a false doctrine. Telling people, “just believe, tweet about God, wear a Christian t-shirt, and go to church and you’re on your way”. Not once have they told the person that grace is a free gift to those with a repentant heart. God cannot bless mess, that is why the scripture says, “Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,” in 2 Corinthians 6:17. After preaching salvation to the onlookers on the day of Pentecost, Peter told them to “repent”, see Acts 2:38. You can’t baptize someone who didn’t repent. It is illegal to bury someone who is still alive! God is holy and will not contaminate Himself. We have a part to do in this relationship.
Being saved means, there is a separation! As children of God, we shouldn’t try to dress, talk, act, or be apart of the things the world does. If you dress and talk like “children of darkness”, how will they see God’s light? We can’t tear down satan’s strongholds if we can’t even turn off our television/cell phone. We can’t lay hands on the sick and they’ll recover if we spend time in pornography and not in prayer. We can’t share the Gospel with the same mouths we gossip with!
Remember this: “whatever you feed will live, and what you starve will die.” If you only feed your flesh with ungodly music, tv/movies, or even bad influence from friends, garbage will come out. If you feed your spirit with prayer, fasting, studying and applying the word of God then it is a proven fact you will grow in your relationship with Christ! Imagine if an athlete decided to eat McDonald’s all day, every day. What if he even decided to not show up to practice and decided, “I made the team, now I can do whatever I want!”. Do you honestly think she/he will be as effective? There is a high possibility that the coach will bench them or cut them off the team for taking it as a joke. If you can understand that, you can understand this: God is seeking for obedient, willing and diligent followers, not for church goers. The devil himself can go to church, we need a relationship! Being a Christian is a privilege, not a to-do list!
Jesus is the only God to come to earth and die for the sins of the world. Did he have to? No. People in the Muslim faith have the belief that Allah is God. They’re told this from a man named Muhammad. Christians will say they have the wrong belief, but yet the Muslim will still pray more and are more obedient to their god then we are to ours. I don’t believe in comparing religions, because I don’t even see Christianity as a religion, but more so as a relationship. Yet the question remains, if we love our God so much, why won’t we obey Him? Of course everyone will make a mistake, but why do we blatantly ignore biblical commands?
If ye love me, keep my commandments. – Jesus (John 14:15)
If you really want to be close to God, you have to learn to let go of sin. This is tough because of course, you’ve practiced it for so long and even found pleasure in it, so I know it is hard to break a bad habit. Yet, it can be broken. Build new habits. If you are in Christ, you have a clean slate. If you sinned after becoming a Christian, there is still grace for you when you are willing to repent (turn away from sin). One cannot draw closer to God, and be close to the devil at the same time! Choose a side, but don’t be in the church speaking in tongues and cursing people out. I know that girl/guy is tempting, but we have to say no to our flesh every single day we wake up, and tell God “yes” in our spirit! Holiness is underrated and sin is overrated. Living like Jesus did is supposed to be our goal, not punishment. Let them call us “too holy”, the bible said to be holy. I rather please God than my flesh or people who take God as a joke.
Don’t give up on yourself. This isn’t impossible, because you can do all things through Christ. Choose to seek The Lord, sin is not worth your soul. I pray that you continue to grow in The Lord. Always remember, His grace is sufficient.
God bless,
Tovares Grey

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